《闪谷》前情提要 Previously on Shining Vale.
折磨了你母亲的问题 Whatever's plaguing your mother
最终也会困扰你 will eventually come after you.
戴上这个奖章 它能保护你 Wear this medal. It'll offer protection.
我妈总是戴着自己的护身符 My mom always wore hers,
可她死的时候却没有戴 but she wasn't wearing it when she died.
你跟那个叫瑞安的朋友还有联系吗 Are you still in touch with your friend Ryan?
他跟自己的酷叔叔住在洛杉矶 He lives with his cool uncle in LA.
我可能怀孕了 I might be pregnant
我一心只想工作 I'm just focusing on work.
-滚 -我叫埃尼奥 意大利人 Fuck off. I m Ennio, from Italy.
我在写一本有关精神病院如何虐待女人的书 I'm writing a book about how asylums abuse women.
你是谁 Who are you?
我叫奈莉 I'm Nellie. -
我叫黛西 我以前住这的 I'm Daisy. I used to live here.
什么鬼 What the hell?
-杰克 -我天哪 Jake...Oh, boy.
我的里奥是个天使 他胎死腹中了 My Leo is an angel. He was stillborn.
我真是个最差劲的母亲 I'm the worst mom.
也许吧 但你是个天才作家啊 Maybe, but you're a genius writer.
你来我们的读书俱乐部做个演讲吧 You'll have to come speak at our book club.
好啊 Sounds great.
-你爸和我分居了 -真他妈谢天谢地 - Your dad and I are separating. Thank fucking Jesus.
我要过两个圣诞 I want two Christmases.
我觉得你还爱着自己老婆 I think you're still hooked on your wife
这他妈不是个梦 This isn't a fucking dream!
不是吧 他们也找上你了吗 Oh, no. They got you, too?
你他妈开玩笑呢 You're fucking kidding me.
好了 罗克西 给妈妈拉一个 Okay, Roxy, one shit for Mommy.
去吧 Let's go.
好吧 不是给妈妈 Okay, not for Mommy.
给罗克西拉一个 One shit for Roxy.
帕特 是你吗 Pat, is that you?
我正遛狗呢 I'm just walking the dog.
等等 你怀孕了吗 Wait. Are you pregnant?
该死 God damn it!
是不是感觉不错 Isn't this nice?
真希望当初我妈也陪我去堕胎了 I wish my mother had gone with me to my abortion.
是啊 这一次就能弥补所有错过的独唱会 Yeah. This makes up for all the missed recitals,
比赛 生日还有毕业典礼哈 games, birthdays, and graduation.
我不是来堕胎的 I'm not getting an abortion.
我只是做了两个诡异的梦 I just had two really weird dreams.
我只想来确认一下 I want to make sure.
不管你如何决定 Well, whatever you decide to do about the baby,
我都百分百支持你 I support you 100%.
但我想说 But I will say,
生下你是我做的次好的决定 having you was the second- best decision I ever made.
我不打算问你最好的是什么 Hmm. I'm not gonna ask what the first was.
-堕胎 -行吧 Getting my abortion. Oh, yeah.
你知道母亲节时想找张配得上你的卡片有多难吗 Do you how hard it is to find you a Mother's Day card?
菲尔普斯 Phelps.
嗨 我是来做孕检的 Hi. Um, I'm here for a pregnancy test.
是给你女儿检查吗 Is it for your daughter?
我不是她女儿 Oh, I'm not her daughter.
不是 是我自己 No, it's for me.
你最后一次经期是什么时候 When was your last period?
-挑战者号上天是啥时候 -我天 - When was the Challenger? - Oh, my God.
我能先坐会吗 Can I just take the test, please?
好的 请坐 盖娜 Okay, just have a seat, Gaynor.
我叫帕特 Uh, I'm Pat.
盖娜是我女儿 Gaynor's my daughter.
我天 Oh, God.
抱歉 失陪一下 I'm sorry. Excuse me.
她真不该那么说 She probably shouldn't have said that.
是啊 Yeah, probably not
我三小时前就给你发消息了 I texted you three hours ago.
可我没必要回复你啊 亲 Well, I don't have to answer to you anymore, sweetheart.
还记得吗 我现在自由了 Remember? I'm a free agent.
再说了 我在和莱尔德玩匹克球呢 Plus, I was playing pickleball with Laird.
想不到吧 我现在居然也干这种事了 Can you believe that? I do shit like that now.
帕特 我居然去玩匹克球了 I'm playing pickleball out there, Pat.
我一生中最好的状态 我还预约了体检 Best shape of my life. I've scheduled a physical.
哦对了 我还吃了辣泰餐 Oh, and I, uh, tried spicy Thai food.
吸了可卡因 然后又不干了 And I tried cocaine, and I quit.
我说的是工作 不是可卡因 My job, not the coke.
我喜欢那恶魔般的小白粉儿 I love that little devil's dust.
我发现自己 I think what I'm discovering
还挺享受没有家庭负担和责任的 is that I love the freedom of having a life
自由生活的 without the burden of family responsibility, you know?
-这是啥 -孕检棒 - What's this? - It's a pregnancy test.
-你尿在上面了 -不尿怎么验 You peed on this? - That's how you use it.
听着 我知道这对你来说一定很震惊 Listen, I know this must be a shock to you,
因为对我来说也一样 但是 cause it certainly is to me, but.
你的注意力放在我是不是尿在这上面了对吧 You're still focused on the pee stick, aren't you?
我只是在想有没有种情况 I'm just thinking of a circumstance
让我也可以给你递个上面都是尿的东西 where I would hand you something covered in urine.
我他妈怀孕了 特里 I'm fucking pregnant, Terry.
嘿 放轻松 Hey, all right.
我怎么知道这是不是你的 How do we know it's yours?
-什么 -不好说 - What? - I don't know.
无意冒犯哈 但你这岁数 With all due respect, you're a little old
不大可能怀孕了 to be getting pregnant.
是 你这岁数还不该穿 Yeah, and you're a little old
骑行裤呢 但看看你啊 to wear bike shorts, but here we are.
好吧 别担心 AII right, don't worry.
估计它能自己搞定吧 It'll probably take care of itself.
这对个婴儿来说要求太高了吧 That's a lot to ask of a baby.
我是说 让我的身体吸收掉就行了 I mean, my body will absorb it.
不不不 我们还是好好考虑一下 No, no, no, you know, let's think about this.
也许 也许我们不想让你的身仲吸收掉呢 Maybe, uh- - maybe we don't want to absorb it, you know?
-也许我们应该生下来 -真的吗 - Maybe we should do this thing. - Really?
可10秒钟前 Because about ten seconds ago,
你还在大谈特谈没有家庭负担 all you could talk about was doing blow
和莱尔德玩匹克板的事 and playing"pickleboard°with Laird.
那叫匹克球 It's called pickleball.
是美国新兴运动 It's America's fastest- growing sport.
我是说 想想看啊 I mean, think about it.
我一直想努力弄清楚自己是谁 I'm out there trying to find out who I am.
也许我可以成为一个父亲呢 Maybe I'm supposed to be a parent.
你本来就是啊 You are a parent.
我是说 一个全新的自我 Well, I mean of a- - of a new one, you know?
你难道不想要一个长得跟我们俩似的 Wouldn't you like the idea of, you know, having a little baby
小宝宝妈 that looks like me and you.
不用想 我们有俩了 Don't have to imagine. We have two.
而且他们也曾经都很可爱 Mm. - And they were so adorable.
可现在他们长成了青少年 But now they're teenagers.
是 但等这个小家伙长成青少年时我们估计都死了 Yeah, well, we'll be dead by then for that one.
你看哈 我们享受最美好的部分 And, look, we get all the good parts,
然后我们就走了 and then we leave.
好吧 但你可别太过沉迷于这个想法了 AlI right, well, don't get too attached to the idea,
因为我觉得它未必肯沉迷于我的子宫 because it probably won't get too attached to my uterus.
如果你不介意 Well, if you don't mind,
我愿意留在身边照顾你 I'd like to stick around and find out.
如果要组建家庭 You know, if we're gonna be a family,
那父母都在才是最重要的 I think it's important for both of us to be around.
来吧 我们告诉孩子们吧 Come on, let's tell the kids.
这他妈不可能 你答应过我们要离婚的 No fucking way. You promised us you were getting a divorce.
这是不是意味着我就没法过两个圣诞节了 Does this mean that we're not getting two Christmases?
亲 这本来就不可能 Sweetie, that was never gonna happen.
我们也没打算那么过 I don't think we were gonna do that.
你们为这个家就做过这么一件好事 Why would you go back on the one good thing
怎么可以说收回就收回 you've done for this family?
那你们当初为什么答应我可以过两个圣诞呢 Why would you promise a second Christmas?
你们知道我有多爱第一个圣诞 You know how much I love first Christmasl
因为你父亲和我想试着重归于好 Because your father and I want to try to make it work.
而且你妈怀孕了 And your mom's pregnant. - Ugh!
-特里 -这怎么可能 Oh, Terry. - How did that even happen?
我们没戴套 We had unprotected intercourse.
-我天 -实话嘛 Oh, my God. Well, it's true.
好吧 可这怎么可能呢 你都这么大岁数了 Okay, how is it even possible? You're old.
-像我这么大岁数的人也可以怀孕啊 -那是《圣经》里说的 - People my age can have babies. - In the Bible.
等宝宝四岁时你都死了 You're gonna be dead by the time the baby is four.
-我们正是这么计划的 -我借你吉言哈 That's the plan. - From your lips to God's ears.
这可能都不是个宝宝 It's not even gonna be a baby.
可能就是个长牙的海绵 I mean, it's gonna be a sponge with teeth,
而我可不打算给它清理管道并且给它浇水 and I'm not gonna clean out its tubes and water it.
亲 我们是一家人 Honey, we're a family.
我们都得给它浇水 We're all gonna water it. -
你们只是想通过生个孩子 You're just trying to save your failed marriage
天天抱在怀里 by having a baby you're gonna have to carry around
来挽救你们的婚姻 in a ladle.
你们太自私了 You're so selfish.
像这种孩子谁不愿意多来几个呢 Who wouldn't want more of those?
-我不知道 -嗯 - I don't know. Yeah.
我去跟她谈谈 I'll go talk to her.
我很久没跟你好好谈过了 I haven't talked to you in a while.
我知道 谢了 I know. Thank you.
我在想你那个叫瑞安的朋友 I was thinking about your friend Ryan.
如果你想谈谈 If you ever want to talk
跟他发生的一切 about anything that happened with him,
我一直都在 I'm always here.
用不着 I'm good.
你还真打算一直都在这哈 Oh, you literally meant always here.
盖娜 Gaynor.
我想让你知道 过去的几个月里 I want you know that I would never judge you
不管你为了度过难关做了什么事 for anything that you had to do
我都不会对你指手画脚 to get through these last few months.
你那么坚强 我真的很骄傲 I'm incredibly proud of how strong you are.
抛开这些玩笑话不谈 AlI jokes aside
就算我真的生下这个孩子 我答应你 if I really had this baby, I promise you,
我仍然会爱你胜过爱它 I will not love it any more than I love you.
你说 Yeah, sweetie?
我敢打赌你一定会爱宝宝更多 I bet you will love the baby more
囚为它会帮你洗碗的 because it will help with the dishes.
因为它是块海绵还是因为它有八只手 Because it'll be a sponge or because it'll have eight arms?
你的书已经在全国销售了 对了 有件事特逗 Book sales are up nationally. And, oh, this is funny
西弗吉尼亚州的一个女人看过你的书之后 A woman in West Virginia who was reading your book
用斧子砍死了自己老公 killed her husband with an ax.
啥 这哪里好笑了 What? How is that funny?
不是好笑 应该说是讽刺吧 Well, it's more ironic than funny.
这么跟你说吧 我就是觉得这事挺逗的 I- - You know what? I actually think it's funny.
我觉得你就是代入感太强了 I think you're too close to it.
总之 所有女人 Anyway, women all over
都在罗斯玛丽的身上看到了自己 are seeing themselves in Rosemary
就好像你在告诉大家 It s like you're saying it's okay
一个普通的中年妇女也可以 for a- - an average, middle- aged woman
疯狂一丢丢 她们真的是超爱这感觉的 to go a little crazy, and they're fucking loving it
疯狂一丢丢 她可是杀了自己的家人啊 A little crazy? She murdered her family.
这就是个比喻而已 Well, I think it's a metaphor
我 不知道了 你是作家我又不是 I- I don't know. You're the writer.
现在绝对是你出现在 Look, it is all perfect timing
闪谷女性读书俱乐部的最好时机 for your appearance at the Shining Vale Ladies Book Club.
嗯 也是我想说 别他妈作梦了的最好时机 Yeah, it's also perfect timing for "fat fucking chance. "
一个叫罗宾的女人 这名字听上去就像是把门球这词当人名来用一样 A woman named Robyn who sounds like if croquet was a person
她说你同意了 said you already agreed.
你还听罗宾的 她就是个疯子 You're gonna listen to Robyn? She's fucking crazy.
读书俱乐部很好啊 宝儿 Well, book clubs are big business, baby.
我觉得要是发张 I think it's great press
你在自己家乡读书俱乐部的皂片宣传效果会特好 to get a picture of you doing one in your hometown.
所以你考虑一下 So think about it.
然后明天就去吧 And then do it, 'cause it's tomorrow.
行吧 稍等一下 Oh, fine. All right, hold on one second.
我得跟这小姑娘说个话 I got to talk to this little girl.
你好啊 宝儿 Hi, sweetie. Oh, my goodness.
长得可真可爱 Look how cute you are.
能给我一盒黄油酥饼 Um, can I get, uh, a shortbread,
一盒花生酱口味的 还有 再来个花生酱吧 a peanut butter, um, another peanut butter.
-说谢谢 克里希 -谢谢 Say thank you, Chrissie. - Thank youl
好的 但还没完事呢 克里希 Okay. Not so fast, Chrissie.
我还想要四盒薄荷巧克力味的 I also want, uh, four mint chocolates
好 这回够了 Okay, I'm done.
你是为世界末日囤粮呢吗 Are we shopping for the apocalypse?
我有了 I'm pregnant.
我勒个去 Holy fuck!
抱歉 克里希 Sorry, Chrissie.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
两年前 我外婆以为自己有了 Cause two years ago, my grandmother thought
可后来发现就是屎太多了 that she was pregnant, and it was really an impacted shit.
我也这么以为的 但我确实有了 I thought it was, too, but I am pregnant,
而且只有你 特里还有孩子们知道 and the only people who know are you, Terry, and the kids.
-他们什么反应 -谢谢 Well, how'd they take it? - Thanks.
特里很兴奋 盖娜还是那么刻薄 Well, Terry was excited, Gaynor's mean,
杰克就老样子啊 and Jake is Jake, you know.
他其实很随和啦 不用担心他 He's easy I never have to worry about him.
我跟你说 电话在响 I'm telling you- that thing was ringing.
而且那堵墙突然就莫名其妙打开了 And that wall just opened up out of nowhere.
就那么一回 之前之后都再没有过了 It hasn't done that before or since.
抱歉了 妞儿 Sorry, girl.
我只是没想到会发生这种事 I just don't think it's happening.
我说对了吧 I told you!
罗克西 Roxy!
罗克西 Roxy.
不是吧 变态 Oh, no way, perv.
好吧 如果你是来跟踪我的 Okay, if you're here to stalk me,
你应该知道·我可是继承了用斧头砍了男人后 you should know I come from a long line of insane women
逍遥法外的疯女人基因的 who chop up men and get away with it.
能再见到你可真好 It's nice to see you again.
嘿 你认识瓦莱丽·西吗 Hey, did you know the Valerie"Hee"?
好吧 那个念瓦莱丽·何 Okay, it's pronounced Valerie He,
而且 不我从没听说过她 and, uh, no, I've never heard of her.
你跟她戴着一样的奖章 You wear medals just like hers.
好吧 你是警察吗 AlI right. Are you a cop?
我是个驱魔人 I am exorcist.
好吧 进来 Okay, come in.
你恢复的特别好特里 You've had a remarkable recovery, Terry.
那我六个月后再来咯 Ij see you in six months.
那我六个月后再来咯 I'll see you in six months.
实际上 有件事我有点担心 Actually, there is one thing I'm a little concerned about.
那不是可卡因 我只是今早吃了个芝麻贝果而已 That's not cocaine. I had a sesame bagel this morning.
其实是这个 It's this right here.
这不是我的血型吗 医生 I think it's a blood type, Doctor.
这是你的睾丸素 是O That's your testosterone. It's a zero.
什么 这是什么意思 What? What does that mean?
意思就是 It means.
从指标上来看 你是个女人了 ...on paper, you're a woman.
那你再测一遍 Well, just run it again.
我觉得可能是可卡因搞出来的 I think all the cocaine's messing with my numbers.
好消息是 这是极容易治愈的 The good news is, it's extremely treatable.
有一种睾酮霜很受欢迎 There's a testosterone cream that's popular,
但鉴于你的情况 but in your case, I'd recommend
我建议你进行注射 a rigorous regimen of injections.
-越早越好 -行吧 And I'd start yesterday Yeah.
这太扯淡了 因为我完全没问题啊 Well, this is bullshit, okay? Cause I'm fine.
我没事 王八蛋 I'm fine, motherfuckerk
我要有孩子了 而且我也有胡子 I got a baby coming, and I got a beard.
而且我太太刚刚大了肚子 她他妈有了 And Mrs. Phelps is knocked up. She's fucking pregnant.
你自己定 但如果不治疗的话 It's up to you, but if left untreated,
你可能会出现骨质流失 肌肉减少 you can expect bone loss, decreased muscle mass,
潮热 抑郁 hot flashes, depression,
甚至胸部也会鼓胀 even breast growth.
当然你也可以去看其他医生 You can always get a second opinion.
你想听下我的意见吗 You want a second opinion?
不如你去跟我老婆的阴道谈谈 How about you talk to my wife's vagina?
你他妈瞅啥瞅 What are you fucking looking at?
罗克西 Roxy!
打扰了 老鼠 Sorry, rat.
罗克西 你在哪呢 Roxy, where are you?
我在贞洁俱乐部遇到了瑞安 I met Ryan at chastity club,
然后我就愚蠢的和他发生了性关系 没戴套 and me being me, I stupldly had unprotected sex with him.
所以 他搬去洛杉矶 So, while he goes to move in
和他的酷叔叔一起住了 with his really cool uncle in LA
我就留在这自己处理这烂摊子 I'm stuck here dealing with this shitshow.
等会 不好意思 你刚问我什么 Wait. Uh, sorry, what did you ask me?
我问你喜不喜欢热蒸奶 I ask if you like steamed milk.
这是杯特别的卡布奇诺 This is a special cappuccino.
如果你不喜欢 可以退款 If you no like, you get your money back.
我在咖啡店工作 所以 Look, I- I work in a coffee shop, so...
-天 真好喝 -我会魔法的 Christ, that's really good. - I have a magic touch.
而且我在意大利的咖啡机跟你这个一样 And we have the same coffee machine in Italy.
-特别好用 -哦 It's a very good one. Oh, yeah.
这是我爸从睡了我妈的男人那偷来的 My dad stole that from the guy my mom boned.
你真逗 盖娜 You are funny, Gaynor.
听我说 Listen, um
我来这是因为瓦莱丽·何 I came here because the Valerie He
给罗马教廷写了好几封信 都是关于这房子的 sent a lot of letters to the Vatican about this house.
她认为这里 She believed there is, um...
有恶魔 a demon living here.
是 但她现在不在家 Oh, yeah. She's not home right now.
那我改天再来 Then I'll come back another day.
或者晚上来 Or night.
白天来更好 Uh, day, um, is probably better.
随便吧 Whatever.
你这蹭到 You have, uh
那我走了 Eh, I will go now.
再见了 盖娜 Ciao, Gaynor.
我还真是偏爱这种型 Yeah, I have a type
这到底是什么地方啊 What the H is this place?
我们很幸运 We are so lucky
请到了本月必读《罗斯玛丽的复仇》 to have the author of this month's book,
这本书的作者 Rosemary's Revenge.
嗨 罗宾 Hi, Robyn.
各位女士 And ladies. Mm- hmm
好吧 谁先来 Okay, so who's gonna be first?
斯蒂芬·爱德华太太 Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
我喜欢第四页 Well, I loved page four.
第4页特别好 Page four was great,
但是第13页才恰到好处 but page 13 really hit the spot.
真有人读过这本书吗 Did anyone actually read the book?
我读了 I read it.
然后又读了一遍 And then I read it again.
很好 Oh, good.
一遍又一遍 And again.
而且我他妈超爱的 And I fucking loved it.
谢谢你 伍德科克校长 Oh, thank you, Principal Woodcock,
没想到您的评价如此热情 for your passionate endorsement.
不 是我要谢谢你 No, thank you.
你的刻画真是入木三分 Yeah, put this directly in my veins.
发自肺腑 So visceral.
就好像你进入了我的内心 It's like you were inside me.
好吧 不如你先别激动啊 桑迪 Okay, why don't you settle down, Sandy?
不如你滚出去啊 罗宾 Why don't you fuck off, Robyn?
你去年因为那本唱歌小龙虾的书激动地不行时 〔didn'tjump up your asshole when you lost your dick
我他妈也没说过你吧 to that book about the singing crawfish last yearl
好了 大家先休息喝口吧 Oh. Okay, wine break.
太好了 Oh, yay. - Yeah.
我是你的铁粉儿 I really am a big huge fan of yours.
我看出来了 I can tell. Okay.
非常抱歉 I'm so sorry.
我是说 她是真读了 I mean, she actually reads the book.
行吧 我 我只需要拍个照 给我的编辑交差就行 Okay, I just- - I need a quick picture for my editor,
然后我就要走了 我有点不舒服 and I've got to get out- I don't feel good.
那你至少来杯霞多丽吧 I mean, you have to have a glass of Chardonnay at least.
-这可是读书俱乐部 -我不喝酒 - It's a book club. - Yeah, I'm not drinking
-吃寿司呢 -不了 Sushi? - No
-软质奶酪呢 -不行 Soft cheese? 〔can't.
-生蚝 -不吃了 Oysters? - Pass.
-来根烟 -我倒是想 Cigarette? - I wish
-霞多丽你 -这循环呢 Chardonnay? - You're on a loop
事实上 我有了 The truth is, I am pregnant,
拜托 拜托什么都别说 and please, please don't say anything.
恭喜 恭喜了 Congratulations! Congratulations!
你得去见斯卡波利医生 You have to see Dr. Skapoli.
我们都用的他 We all use him.
斯卡波利医生吗 Oh, Dr. Skapoli?
我超爱那家伙的 Oh yum. I love that man. -
我去见他之前都要把我那儿修剪一下呢 You know, I actually trim up my hoo- ha before I go see him
好了 斯蒂芬·爱德华太太 Okay, Mrs. Stephen Edwards. Ugh!
有人怀孕了对吧 Is someone pregnant?
-我们真为你激动 -恭喜啊 We are so excited for you! Congratulations!
-太棒了 -我的天 That's amazinglOh, my God.
-看你都在闪光呢 -我们爱你 - You're really glowing! We love you!
-我们会支持你的 -你好美 We'll be there for you. You're so beautiful.
你们能都给我闭嘴吗 Can everyone just shut the fuck up?
抱歉 I'm sorry
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我只想拍张照 I just want a picture.
-太好了 -好极了 Ooh, that's a great idea. - Oh, that's a great idea.
我需要站前面 I need to be in the front.
你虽然母亲做的不咋地 但你他妈就是我的英雄 You suck as a parent, but you are my fucking hero.
我真希望自己是你肚子里的孩子 I wish I was that baby inside you.
什么鬼 What the fuck?
那么 你到底在找什么呢 So, uh, what exactly are you looking for?
随便什么 癔病 This, that, vapors.
跟恶魔相关的一切 demon- y stuffs.
别动 Don't move.
混蛋 你吓到我了 Jerk, you scared me.
-给我 -不给 Give me that. - No, no.
等等 这不公平 Wait. No fair.
-这里发生了什么 -那要看你了 - What happens here? - That's up to you.
不是 我说的是吧台这里 No, I mean this bar.
感觉好冷 It feels cold.
可能是冰什么的吧 Ah, it's probably the ice and shit, hmm.
全部完成 AlI done.
你不需要 祈祷一下什么的吗 Don't you have to, like, bless it or something?
不用 我会把这个送到罗马教廷 No, I will send this to the Vatican,
除了这张 except for this one.
这个我留着是为了好运 This I keep for good luck.
闭嘴吧你 Shut the fuck up.
等等 好 Wait. Okay.
我要给你拍一张 I'm gonna take one of you.
我现在要走了 I go now.
听着 如果你觉得或看到什么奇怪的事 Listen, if you feel or you see anything weird,
就给我打电话 好吗 you call me, yes?
再见 美人 Ciao, bella.
该死 Oh, God damn,
真是个性感驱魔人啊 that's a hot exorcist.
送子观音告诉我你怀孕了 A little stork told me you're expecting.
这消息传得真快 Wow, that got around quick.
我给你带了些里奥的东西来 I brought you some of Leo's things-
尿片 连体衣 Diapers, onesies
还有鞋了 从来没穿过 and shoes- - never worn.
你都留着的吗 You kept everything?
下葬的时候只能穿一套不是吗 Well, you can only bury'em in one outfit, right?
-对 -所以 Yep. So
你认识好的妇产科医生吗 you got a good OB- GYN?
我听说斯卡波里医生很不错 I hear Dr. Skapoli is amazing.
是啊 他似乎是闪灵谷的大人物 Yep, he seems like the go- to guy in Shining Vale,
但我在曼哈顿看过贝拉米医生 but I see Dr. Bellamy in Manhattan.
贝拉米吗 我从来没听说过他 Bellamy? I never heard of him.
你确定你说的不是施瓦茨吗 You sure you don't mean Schwartz?
不 是贝拉米医生 他接生了我的两个孩子 No, it's Dr. Bellamy. He delivered both my kids.
那都是多久前的事儿了 Well, that's ancient history.
你上次检查阴道是什么时候 When was the last time you had your hoo- ha checked?
我不知道 但是也没多久 I don't know, but it wasn't that long ago.
你那底下又不关我的事 Your biscuit is not my business,
但话虽如此 but that being said,
你不预约我就不走 I will not leave until you make an appointment.
嗨 我想预约一下 Hi. Uh, I'd like to make an appointment
下周初贝拉米医生的号 有空吗 with Dr. Bellamy uh, for early next week, if that's possible.
我是帕特·菲尔普斯 This is Pat Phelps.
什么 什么时候 What? When?
好吧 嗯 你也是 Okay. Um, yeah, you too.
谢谢 Thank you.
他七年前去世了 He died seven years ago.
那太好了 那就这么定了 Well, that's great. It's settled, then.
我们会安排你挂斯卡波利医生的号 We'll set you up with Dr. Skapoli.
我对这个孩子有很好的预感 You know, I got a great feeling about this baby,
我从来没搞错过 and I've never been wrong.
除了一次 Except once.
真遗憾你没当妈 I'm so sorry you're not a mom.
你知道 像我这样的人可能要有第三次机会 You know, it doesn't seem fair that someone like me
而你却从来没有机会 这太不公平了 could possibly have a third and you've never had a shot.
我可以确定一件事 任何像你一样对 One thing I know- anyone who is as critical
自己的母性如此挑剔的人都是一个好妈妈 of her maternal skills as you are is a damn great mom.
那我一定是最好的 因为我最烂了 Then I must be the best'cause I am the fucking worst.
我爱你 I love you.
其他人可能觉得我是个怪人 Other people, they see me maybe as some kind of kook.
你让我和你做朋友 这对我来说意义重大 You let me in, and that means the world to me.
所以我就给 So I'll just give- - Uh
一定要打电话给斯卡波利 make sure you call Skapoli.
我爱你 I love you.
这女的真怪啊 That is one kooky bitch. -
过来 宝贝 到这里来 Come here, baby. Come here. Ooh.
你怎么这么脏 Why are you so dirty?
-妈 -哎 Mom? - Yeah.
我 我马上过去 I'II- - I'II be right there.
帕特 我觉得我有男人奶了 Pat, I think I got man tits.
好吧 我也觉得恶心 Well, I'm disgusted by it, too.
我有翘臀 我 I got an ass. I- -
我的五官很柔和 My features are so soft.
我觉得这说明你是拉拉 I think this makes you a lesbian.
在这年头 这应该算是有点潮流了 你知道吗 That's supposed to be kind of in these days, you know?
天呐 Oh, God.
抱歉 Uh, I'm sorry.
你说什么来着 我听不清 What were you saying? I- I couldn't hear you.
你能帮我开一下这个吗 Can you open this for me?
我大腿和屁股之间的空隙没了 I literally lost the gap between my thigh and my ass.
现在扇呼扇呼的 It's like a big flap
天啊 特里 你就赶紧吃点睾酮吧 Oh, my God, Terry. Just take the testosterone.
吸一堆可卡因是一回事 Yeah, it was one thing to do a bunch of coke,
但是我真的愿意摄入一堆 but do I really want to put a bunch of.
奇怪的化学物质吗 weird chemicals in my body?
服了 God damn it. -
那你找错人了 Well, you're talking to the wrong person.
也许我太老了 不适合做爸了 Maybe I'm too old to be a dad.
你的胸很适合当妈 Well, you got the tits to be a mom.
你干脆现在就把我砍死算了 God, why don't you just finish me off with the ax now?
对不起 亲爱的 I'm sorry, sweetie.
我这周都在听别人说我年纪多大了 I've just been hearing all week how old I am.
你能承受的 You can take it.
你很美 You're beautiful.
只是最近发生了很多事 It's just been a lot.
好吧 看来好消息是至少我们会一起面对 Well, guess the good news is at least we're doing it together.
我很高兴你能回来陪我一起死 I'm glad you came back to die with me.
是啊 我也是 Yeah, me too.
亚伯·贝拉米 是吧 Abe Bellamy, hmm?
那足过去的名字了 Well, there's a name from the past.
他接生了我们的两个孩子 He delivered both of our kids.
是啊 他还接生了我老婆呢 Oh, you know, he delivered my wife.
好 你的子宫内膜 AlI right, so your uterus
好 你的子宫内膜 AII right, so your uterus
很漂亮 很厚 has a nice, beautiful thick lining,
所以我觉得你 so I think you've got a pretty good chance
-很有可能挺过来 -挺过来什么这次检查吗 - at seeing this through. Through what? Ajar?
我见过大龄孕妇的情况 Um, I've seen older pregnancies.
人类吗你说 In humans?
不 但是 你知道 在你这个年纪怀上孕 No, but, you know, getting pregnant at your age,
就是最难的步骤了 对吧 that's the hard part, right?
你很有可能会生下一个健康的孩子 You have got a good shot at a healthy baby
所以你是说我 我会正常怀孕吗 So you're saying I'm- - I'm just gonna have a normal pregnancy?
肯定算是高龄产妇 Well, it would be a geriatric pregnancy.
-抱歉得用这个词 -我不在意 Forgive the term. I wasn't offended
18年前第一次说我是高龄产妇的时候就不在意 when I had my first geriatric pregnancy 18 years ago.
好吧 那你就知道我们只需要 Oh, okay, so then you know that we just need
格外小心一点 就行了 to take a little bit of extra care- - that's all.
好吧 你们想要照片吗 Okay, so do you guys want a picture?
当然 Yeah, sure.
-哦 -不不不 亲爱的 Oh. No, no, no, honey.
他指的是婴儿的照片 He means of the baby.
奇怪 That's weird
一定是线松了 让我检查一下 Must be a loose cable. Let me just uh, check it.
还有一件事 Oh, and there is one more thing.
考虑到你的精神病史 Given your mental- health history,
有很小很小的孕期精神病风险 there is a teeny, tiny risk of pregnancy psychosis.
目前 我们认为这与激素水平的增加有关 Now, we think it has to do with increased hormone levels
但实际上 我们基本一无所知 but, really, it's amazing how much we don't even know
总之 症状包括幻觉 Anyway, the symptoms include hallucinations,
妄想 情绪波动和抑郁 delusions, mood swings, and depression.
同样 受它影响的女性比例非常小 Again, it affects such an itsy- bitsy percentage of women.
我只是在道德上有义务告诉你 I am just ethically obligated to mention it.
奇妙啊 Amazing.
来 见见你的新宝宝 Here, meet your new baby.
看 Aw, look at that.
-好小 好小的 -哦不 A little- - a little ba- - oh, no. - No.
宝贝 baby.
天啊 Oh, God.
-天啊 -你真的好幼稚 God! - Ah, you're such a baby!
-天呐 -只是注射睾酮而已 God! - It's just a testosterone shot.
我想我已经感觉到了 I think I already feel it.
看看 Look at this.
要是我最后变得太肌肉男 你会提醒我的对吧 You'd tell me if I get too jacked, right?
我保证 I promise.
或者如果我的蛋蛋缩小了也要哦 真的有那种事 Or if my balls shrink? That's a real thing.
亲爱的 我今天真的没精力来 Honey, I honestly don't have the bandwidth
聊你的蛋蛋了 to talk about your balls today.
你怎么了 What's wrong with you?
我不知道 我只是在想 I don't know. I'm just thinking, um...
如果我把我的疯狂遗传给了孩子呢 What if I pass my crazy on to the baby?
你会把很多奇妙的东西遗传 You're gonna pass so many amazing things on
给这个小宝宝 to this little baby,
如果其中也有你的疯狂 那 and if one of them's crazy, then...
他们会治好的 they'll fix it
就像他们治好你一样 just like they fixed you.
我要去洗个澡 I'm gonna take a shower.
你觉得我应该给自己的蛋蛋拍张照吗 You think I should take a before picture of my testicles?
应该 Yeah, I do.
好吧 我会的 Okay, I will.
天呐 Oh, God.
你会没事的 You're gonna be okay.
你会没事的 You're gonna be fine.
又来啊 Oh, come on.
-你在哪儿 -墙里 Where are you? - In the wall!
哪面墙 Which wall?
我想我应该是在楼下 I think I'm downstairs.
继续敲 Don't stop banging!
你为什么不敲了 Why did you stop banging?
嗨 妈 Oh, hey, Mom.
哦 我的宝贝 Oh, my baby.
天啊 你这脏的 Oh, my God, you are a mess.
你在里面多久了 How long have you been in there?
也就四个小时 零三天吧 Uh, only, like, four hours and, uh, three days.
天啊 Oh, my God.
我很抱歉 I am so sorry.
天啊 Oh, God.
我向你保证 I promise you.
我会做一个更好的妈妈 I'm gonna be a better mom.
我会的 我会改的 I am. I'm gonna be better.
-好 -好 Okay. Okay.
去洗澡吧 Go shower.
-天呐 -噢 Oh, my God. - Oh.
我能告诉你我在里面发现了什么吗 Can I tell you about what I found in there?
剧透一下 是怀旧的咪咪和糖果 Spoiler alert- - it's old- timey boobs and candy.
好了 我们走吧 Okay, let's go.
哦 宝贝 Oh, babe.
走开 Stay away! -