调直椅背 系好安全带 ATTENDANT: Seat backs up, fasten your seatbelts.
让我帮您调直座椅 Let me get your seat back.
这得调直了 还有系好安全带 先生 This needs to go up. And fasten your seatbelt, sir.
-安全带 -对 Seatbelt? - Yeah.
政府又来搞事了 Just more government interference.
下一回 他们直接禁止我 Next thing you know, they won't let me have
在机上堕胎得了 an abortion on the plane.
行 能帮到你很高兴 Oh, okay. I'm glad I could help.
先生 麻烦您 Um, and, sir, if you just wanna
-把电脑关机 -好 - close your laptop there. Oh, yeah.
-还麻烦您把手机关机 谢谢 -好的 没问题 - And then if you just wanna turn your phone off. Thanks. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Got it.
现在烦请所有乘客系好安全带 ANNOUNCER: At this time we ask you to fasten all seatbelts
关闭电子设备 我们即将起飞 and turn off all electronic devices as we prepare for takeoff.
嘿 拉里 刘易斯咋回事 SUSIE GREENE: Hey, Larr. What's up with Lewis?
我以为他会和我们一起去亚特兰大参加庭审呢 I thought he was coming to Atlanta with us for the trial.
不是 他两天前就动身了 Oh, no. He left two days earlier.
-那他已经到了 -是啊 So he's there now? - LARRY DAVID: Yeah.
他和一女的30年前搞过 He went out with this woman 30 years ago.
不过分了 她现在住在亚特兰大 They broke up. She lives in Atlanta now,
所以他要去找她 so he's gonna see her.
-重燃旧情 -重燃旧情 Rekindling? - Rekindling.
希望他成功吧 I hope it works out for him.
是啊 肯定行的 Oh, yeah. I'm sure it's gonna work out.
拉里 我们起飞后 Larry, when we get in the air,
我要看你那个《宋飞传》 I'm gonna watch your little show Seinfeld.
-我还没看过呢 -是吗 那正合适 - Never seen it. - Oh, yeah? It's about time.
我要看那小破剧 看完告诉你我的看法 I'm gonna watch that shit. I'll tell you how it is.
我不太关心你怎么想 I'm not really interested in your opinion.
-这话什么意思 -你在我眼里不是人 - What do you mean? - I don't consider you a person.
等着瞧 We'll see.
不好意思 先生 Excuse me, sir? - Oh.
有人跟我说您手机还开着 Someone let me know that your phone is still on.
您需要调成飞行模式或收起来 We need to put that on airplane mode or stow it away.
谁会这么干 Who would do something like that?
我不会透露的 还有您安全带没系好 I'm not gonna disclose that. And your seatbelt's off.
-但你为啥不跟我说是谁 -我为啥要告诉你 - But why won't you tell me? - Why would I tell you?
因为我想知道 Because I'd like to know
这机上有谁打小报告了 if there's a squealer on this plane.
我想知道是谁 I'd like to know who it is.
我不想和打小报告的一起飞 I'm not comfortable flying with a squealer.
先生 您不想和打小报告的一起飞 Sir, you're not comfortable with a squealer
但您却让我打小报告 yet you're asking me to squeal?
这性质可不一样 That's a different kind of squealing.
您有点虚伪哈 It seems very hypocritical.
从表面上看 I could see on its face that
-确实好像是 -好 - it does seem that way. Okay.
但你仔细想想 真不是 But if you examine it, it's really not.
我不会揭发打小报告的人 好吗 I'm not gonna squeal on the squealer, okay?
-您手机也得关机 -好 当然 好 - And let's keep that phone off. - Okay. Sure. Yeah.
-谢谢 真好 谢谢 -好了 - Thank you. Good job. Thank you. - LARRY: I got it. Yeah.
好 - Okay.
很抱歉给您带来延误 我们即将起飞 ANNOUNCER: We apologize for the delay. We are next in line for takeoff.
机组人员 请做好起飞准备 Flight attendants, prepare for departure.
先生 先生 您得系好安全带 Sir? Sir, we need you to buckle up.
-哈 啥 -您得系好安全带 - Huh? What? Huh? - We need you to buckle up.
-好 不不 我只是在 -我知道您在干嘛 Oh, yeah. No, no. I was just- - Yeah. I know what you were doing.
-好 坐好 行吗 -好的 Okay. Just gonna stay seated. Okay? - LARRY: Okay.
嘿 是你跟她说我手机开着吗 Hey, you told her that I was on the phone?
-你怎么敢指责我打小报告了 -哈 我就问问 - How dare you accuse me of squealing? Huh? Just asking.
我跑大老远去他妈的亚特兰大 I'm schlepping all the way to fuckin' Atlanta
挺你 还是在我周年纪念日 to support you, on my anniversary, no less.
就算你是来挺我的 It still doesn't mean you couldn't have done it,
-你也可能干出这事 -得了吧 - even if you are coming to support me. - Oh, please.
我才不会干这种破事 I have better things to do than squeal on you.
这关乎飞机安全 你肯定关心这事儿 Well, it's about plane safety. I'm sure you're interested in that.
我不在乎 I don't give a shit
是你跟她说我手机开着吗 是你吗 You tell her about my phone? Was that you?
-你觉得我干的 -每个人都有嫌疑 - You think I did that shit? - Everyone's a suspect.
-你觉得我他妈的会告密 -你没比这好到哪去 - You think I'm a fuckin'snitch? I don't think you're above it.
-是嘛 -是 就是 Oh. It's like that? - Yeah. It's like that.
我自己手机都开着 Why would I draw attention
我为啥要自报家门呢 when I got my own fucking phone on?
-你手机开着 -那当然 我手机开着 Your phone's on? - Fuck yeah, my phone is on.
-他手机开着 -他的手机吗 先生 - His phone's on. His phone, sir?
-检查下 检查下他的 -不是 给我这 Check it out. Check it out. Come on. Really?
看看他的手机 看下就知道了 Look at his phone. Look at his phone.
你跑来打别人小报告了 You're squealing on someone now?
是啊 他危及其他乘客安全 真的 Yeah, he's endangering the rest of the passengers. He is.
好吧好吧 看呀 它自己开机的 Okay. Okay. Look, it came back on by itself.
-请关机谢谢 -不 他故意 故意没关 - Please turn that off. - No. He left- - he left it on.
那您手机关了吗 And is your phone now off?
关着 Yes.
给她看 看看你手机 给她看 Show her. Show your phone. Show it to her.
天啊 Oh, my God. Oh.
-我以为我关了 -您还开着 - I thought I turned it off. That's on.
您能调成飞行模式吗 Can you turn that onto airplane mode?
-好的 -非常感谢 - Sure. Yeah. ATTENDANT: Thank you so much.
拉里 拉里 JEFF GREENE: Larry. Larry.
怎么 Yeah?
后面这家伙手机也开着 This guy back here.
搞什么 What?
它 它自己开机了 Oh, it- - it flipped on.
你为啥要举报我 Why would you do that to me?
确保乘客安全 Passenger safety.
这仨乘客都不让你省心没一个正常人 You're dealing with three very disturbed individuals here.
谢谢 听着 飞机正在滑行 好吗 Thank you. Everyone, the plane is taxiing, okay?
所有人手机得关机或收起来 I need your phones to be off or stowed
系好安全带 and seatbelts fastened.
-好 -好 Okay. Okay.
-真是瞎搞 -真是搞死了 That's bullshit. That's some bullshit.
没见过这样搞的 That's that bullshit.
我飞的时候 LEON BLACK: I watched a few, uh,
看了几集《宋飞传》 Seinfeld episodes on the plane and shit.
你没跟我说这剧是讲每周啪啪啪 You never told me it was a show about weekly ass.
才不是讲每周啪啪啪的 It's not a show about weekly ass.
杰瑞每周都啪啪啊 Jerry just constantly got ass every week.
你知道我一开始咋想不 You know what I thought it was from the beginning?
我说 这他妈的 不是演戏 I said, "This ain't a fucking, uh, TV show. "
这特么是啪啪纪录片啊 "This is more of a fuck documentary. "
这剧给我这感觉 That's what it felt like. -
没开玩笑 怎么做到啪啪那么多次的 Yeah, man. And how do you fuck that much, man?
感觉需要 需要 很多老二 It's like you need- - you need, like, extra dicks.
有 有一根还不够 Like- Like you got your own dick,
你还得有备用老二 but then you gotta have a backup dick.
该能替换老二才对 A dick should be interchangeable.
是啊 就像眼镜一样 Yeah. Like a pair of glasses.
-它应该像眼镜一样 -对对对 It should be like a pair of glasses Yeahl
早上起来装一根 You could put one on in the morning.
没错 一下子 把那玩意儿装上 Yeah. Quick, put that motherfucker on.
你这样就不用揣自己那老二了 That way, you ain't wearing out your original dick.
要是那女的说 噢不够 还想要 Like when a lady say, "Oh, more, more. "
你还想要 "Oh, you want more?
我 我 我要从屁股口袋里 Oh, I Im Imma take my other dick
掏出另一根老二了 out my back pocket"-
-对吧 -没错 See that? Right.
我们要下高速了 LARRY: Oh. Oh. There's our exit.
嘿 她不 她不让道 LARRY: Hey, she's not- She won't let me in.
嘿 让我变道 让我变道啊 Hey, let me in. Let me in! -
让我们变个道 LEON: Can we get over?
嘿 能让我们变道吗 你什么毛病 Hey! Can we get in? Heyl What's wrong with you?
我们要变个道 LEON: We're trying to get in!
她开的更快了 LARRY: She's speeding up!
我们要下高速了 LEON: We wanna get off the highway!
逗我呢 这女的咋回事 Are you kidding me? What is with this woman?
不让我们变道啊 Won't let us in!
我去 Oh, shit!
去你的吧 Fuck you too!
搞什么 我只想变个道 LARRY: What? I just wanna get in!
什么人能干出这种事来啊 What kind of person does something like that?
去你的 DRIVER: Fuck you!
-谢谢 -谢谢 LEON: Appreciate it. Thank you.
大卫先生 我挺你 伙计 Mr. David, pulling for you, man.
-谢谢你 谢谢 -必须的 兄弟 - Appreciate it. Thank you. You got it, brother.
瞧瞧你 老伙计 Look at you, man.
现在你成国内最火爆的白人老头了 Most popular White man in America right now.
你后辈子都不用 You don't have to buy a pack of Kools
自己买香烟了 for the rest of your life.
-那不挺好 -我马上回来 Excellent. I'll be back.
我的天啊 Oh, my gosh.
普雷斯顿 过来 Preston, come here.
-真的很抱歉 先生 不 -嘿 没事的 - I am so sorry, sir. No- - Hey, that's fine.
-给你 -谢谢 Here you go. Thank you.
好 普雷斯顿 不小心伤到人要说什么 Okay. Preston, what do we say when we hurt somebody?
没 没事的 我毫发无伤 It- - it's okay. It didn't hurt me at all.
不不不 等我一下 不不 MOTHER: No, no, no. Just one more second. No, no.
-来吧 刚教过你的 -行吧 Come on. We just talked about this. - Yeah. Yeah.
-我们该说我很 抱 -好了 我 我 Okay? We say I'm...s LARRY: Okay, I- - I- -
-抱歉 抱歉 抱歉 -我很 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. PRESTON AND MOTHER: I'm...
请别提醒他 我想让他自己说 好吗 Please don't help him out. I want him to learn this. Okay?
-好了 都没事了 谢谢 -不不不 还没完事儿 - AII right. We're good. Thank you. - No, no, no. We're not done yet.
得让他长长教训 We're gonna learn this lesson here,
因为这真很重要 cause this is a really important lesson.
嘿嘿 我们不用非得长教训 Hey, hey. We don't have to learn the lesson,
但你听我的 but Ill tell you what.
你要想让我帮他长教训 If you want me to participate in this lesson...
-好啊 -好 我是这么想的 Yeah. Okay. Here's my two cents.
好 太棒了 听听他说的 Okay. Great. Listen to the man.
我已经76了 但我这辈子 I'm 76 years old and I have never learned a lesson
都没长过教训 in my entire life.
-你觉得这是在帮他哈 -就是 Do you think that's helping? - I do.
我们不能成这种人 好吗 走吧 我们走 That's who we don't wanna be like, okay? Come on. Let's go.
乔治亚州公诉拉里·大卫一案 MIKA BRZEZINSKI: The trial of the State of Georgia
正有序展开 versus Larry David is underway...
-逗我呢 -明天即将开始陪审团选定 - LARRY: You're kidding me. - ...with jury selection beginning tomorrow.
帮个忙 能放体育节目吗 Could you do me a favor? Could you put on ESPN please?
谢了 Thank you.
你为啥不和我们一起去 So why don't you wanna come with us?
我们打算去雷阿姨的餐厅 We're going to Auntie Rae's restaurant.
-会很棒的 -我知道 向她问好 - It's supposed to be great. - I know. Send her my love.
但我是来找 辛西娅的 But I'm here to see, you know, Cynthia.
我们处的挺好 We're getting along great.
床事也挺好 In bed, everything is cool.
我们还两情相悦呢 We're still great lovers. Ugh.
你干嘛 你为啥生气 RICHARD LEWIS: What are you- - Why are you annoyed?
-你别 你为啥不能 -说太详细了 - You can't- Why can't you SUSIE: That's TMI.
-我们不想听这 -为啥 这咋 - We don't wanna hear that. - Why? What is- -
因为这 这画面感 Cause it's a- - It's a picture of you, uh.
-不 不 -你不用想象我咋样 想想她啊 No, no! - You don't have to picture me. Picture her!
不想有那画面 LARRY: We don't wanna picture that.
-为啥我不能 -不 拜托 不要 RICHARD: Why can't I- - - No. Please, no.
想象我爸妈裸着都好过你 I'd rather picture my parents naked than you naked.
-别再提你们交欢了 -真的 - JEFF: Don't mention intercourse anymore. - Really.
有点小恶心 A little bit nauseous.
嘿 啥情况 Oh, hey. Hey, what's up?
嘿 伙计 Hey, man.
-苏格兰威士忌 -那你俩 - LEON: Scotch. So you guys- -
听上去你俩 曾经爱的很深啊 It sounds like you were, like, madly in love.
我们以前情深似海 - We were deeply in love. Wow.
事实上爱的太深以至于分手时 In fact, so much in love that when I broke up with her,
她自杀未遂 - she attempted suicide. Ooh.
-真的吗 -干嘛 Really? - What?
你是在说 她得不到你 You're telling me that if she can't have you,
-就要去殉情吗 -可能吧 - she'd rather be dead? - I guess so.
有时你和别人提出分手 LARRY: You know, sometimes when you break up with someone,
他们会说想自杀以得到对方同情 to get pity, they say they attempted suicide
对方好和他们复合 so the person will go back with them.
-是PUA啊 -就是PUA 对 - It's manipulative. LARRY: It's manipulative. Yeah.
等下 你在怀疑她没自杀吗 Wait a minute. You're doubting her suicide attempt?
你真觉得你好到那份儿上了 You think you're suicide material?
-对啊 当然 -真的吗 - Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. - Really?
-理查德 -嗨 亲爱的 Richard. RICHARD: Hi, beautiful.
-嗨 -见到你真好 宝贝儿 Hi. Good to see you, baby.
-一样 -这位肯定是辛西娅了 Good to see you, too. This must be Cynthia.
-可不吗 -正是本人 It sure is. Yes.
-你好 -你好 我是苏西 Hi. Hi. Susie.
-苏西 很高兴见到你 -这是我老公 杰夫 Susie, nice to meet you. - My husband, Jeff.
-你好 杰夫 -很高兴见到你 CYNTHIA: Hi, Jeff. - JEFF: Pleasure.
-嘿 -我也一样 - LEON: Hey. CYNTHIA: It'sa pleasure to meet you.
还有拉里 你熟的 SUSIE: And Larry. You know Larry.
-是她 -嗯 - It's her. Yeah.
是啊 拉里就在此地 登头条的那位拉里哦 Yeah, Larry's over here. Big shot Larry on the news.
-拉里 -你好 CYNTHIA: Larry. Yes. - Hello.
-还有他朋友利昂 -嗨 RICHARD: And his friend Leon. Hi. Yeah.
-嘿 你好吗 -我很好 你呢 - Hey, how you doin'? - CYNTHIA: I'm good. How are you?
很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you.
我们今天早些时候见过 其实 I think we met earlier today, actually.
在185高速上 我本来想 On I- 85. I was trying to get over
-变道去出口的 -对 - to the exit. - LEON: Yeah.
然后你就 你就不肯让我一下 And, uh, you wouldn't- - you wouldn't let me in.
什么 我不认为我会 这不像我的作风 What- - I don't think I- - Doesn't sound like me.
-你有辆蓝色奔驰吗 -有 - Do you have a blue Mercedes? - I do.
但那不是我 Huh. CYNTHIA: But it wasn't me.
我今天都没走185告诉 所以你 I wasn't even on I- 85 today. So you just- -
你今天没走185哈 You weren't on I- 85 today?
没走 I was not on I- 85 today.
虽然你们这《高速巡警》的故事很令人兴奋 You know, this is exciting to hear this Highway Patrol story,
但我们要去吃晚餐然后还要 but we're gonna go eat dinner and have some time...
哦对 享受晚餐吧 - That's right. Enjoy dinner.
-替我跟雷阿姨问好 -祝你们晚上愉快 很高兴认识你 - Say hello to Auntie Rae. - Enjoy your evening. It was very nice to meet you.
谢谢 谢谢二位 - - Thanks for everything. Both of you.
好了 我们得走了 预订的时间快到了 AII right, guys. We gotta go. We have a reservation.
我知道《高速巡警》的主题曲 我正唱着呢 I know the Highway Patrol theme. I was singing it.
走吧 JEFF: Go.
真不错 拉里 SUSIE: That's wonderful, Larr.
如果你还需要什么告诉我就行 If you need anything else, let me know.
-谢谢 -不客气 - Thank you. You're welcome.
-嗨 各位 -你好 谢丽尔 - CHERYL DAVID: Hi, guys. Hello, Cheryl.
你好吗 CHERYL: How's it going? -
-你刚到吗 -是 - You just got here? - CHERYL: Yeah.
要跟我们一起去吃晚餐吗 SUSIE: Wanna come to dinner with us?
我们准备去雷阿姨的餐厅 特好吃 We're going to Auntie Rae's. It's gonna be delicious.
不行 我还得等泰德呢 Oh. No, I'm waiting for Ted. Oh.
他要完成一个采访 He's finishing up an interview
因为他明天要去抗议 because he's protesting tomorrow.
-好吧 -以你的名义 Oh, okay. On your behalf.
不 他去抗议是为了他自己 No, he's protesting on his behalf.
他不会袖手旁观然后让别人遭遇不公的 He's not gonna stand by and let people be mistreated.
他不会在镜头外袖手旁观 He's not gonna stand by off camera
然后让别人遭遇不公 and let people be mistreated.
好吧 总之 之后我们才会去吃晚餐 Okay. Anyway, we're gonna go to dinner after.
你们知道这附近有什么好吃的餐厅吗 Do you know of any good places around here?
那个墨西哥餐厅 Oh, oh. The Mexican place.
那地方不错 伯爵餐厅 Oh, that place is good, La Conde.
不不 她不喜欢墨西哥餐 No, no. She doesn't like Mexican food.
-是吗 -对 SUSIE: No? - LARRY: No.
那你往左走 那边有好多家餐厅 SUSIE: Well, you go to the left and there's like a million restaurants.
-我们该走了 因为你们知道雷阿姨 -好 走了 - We better go, guys, because you know Auntie Rae. - All right. Let's go.
雷阿姨可不喜欢人迟到 You cannot be late for Auntie Rae.
-回见了 谢丽 -好 你等会儿 - See you later, Cher. - Okay. Yeah. Hey. Excuse me.
你为什么说那话 Why would you say that?
哈 我说啥了 Huh? Say what?
说我不喜欢墨西哥餐 That I don't like... ...Mexican food.
你就是不喜欢啊 Well, you don't like Mexican food.
那也别在人前说啊 Don't say it in front of people.
-我只是私底下告诉你了 -啥 这还带保密的 - I told you that in confidence. - What? Confidence?
我不知道你有什么毛病 I don't know what your problem with it is.
因为这是我的个人隐私 Because it's personal to me.
-这算啥隐私 -就是 - No, that's not personal. - It is.
告诉别人你喜欢什么体位 Telling people what sexual positions you like,
这叫隐私 that would be personal.
-你自己知道就行了啊 -你不喜欢漏斗蛋糕 - Just keep it to yourself. - You don't like funnel cake.
这我能跟人说吗 Is it okay if I tell people that?
-可以 -你不喜欢重拍版 Yes. You didn't like the remake
哈里森·福特主演的《亡命天涯》 of The Fugitive with Harrison Ford.
-这我能说吗 -能 Can I tell people that? - Yes.
行吧 Okay.
-我以后跟谁都不说 -谢谢 - I won't tell anybody else...CHERYL: Thank you.
你不爱吃墨西哥餐 ...that you don't like Mexican food.
谢谢 Thank you.
-你没事吧 -我没事 - Are you okay? - I am.
-我可真不确定 -行吧 - I'm not so sure. Okay.
她不让我们进去 还提速了 LARRY: She won't let us in. She sped up.
而且那肯定是她 对吧 And no doubt that it was her. Was it not?
-就是她 -对吧 她还竖中指了 It was her. Huh? She gave us the finger.
我们也给她竖了 非常非常糟糕的一个人 We gave her the finger. Terrible, terrible person.
这么着吧 我 这事我必须得告诉他 You know what? I'm- - I'm gonna say something to him.
别说 拉里 别做狗头军师 Oh, don't tell- - Larry, don't be a buttinski
非把这事告诉理查德 and start telling Richard.
让他拥有自己的幻想还是啥的吧 Let him have his illusions, whatever they are.
你从来不知道接受教训 You never learn your lesson.
-我从不接受教训 -对 从来不 - I don't learn my lesson? - No, you do not.
你什么时候接受过教训 When have you ever learned a lesson?
行吧 我告诉你什么时候哈 Okay, I'll tell you when. Okay.
我19岁那年 在酒吧 喝了杯酒 When Iwas 19 years old, I was in a bar. I had a drink.
看了眼酒保然后我跟他说 And I looked at the bartender and I said to him,
嘿 队长 再给我来一杯 "Hey, Captain, Ill have another, "
然后他给了我一个史前最大的白眼 and he gave me like the dirtiest look.
之后我再也没叫过任何人队长了 And I've never called anybody captain since.
你为什么要叫他队长啊 Why would you call him captain?
这还能为什么 你们从没叫过别人队长吗 What do you mean why? You've never called anybody captain?
没叫过队长 我倒是叫过一个混蛋酋长 Not captain, but I did call a motherfucker chief,
然后才意识到他还真是个印第安人 and then realized he was a real Indian and shit.
好了 你们点了四份雷阿姨特餐沙拉 AlI right. We've got four Rae's Special Salads.
给 Here you go. Whoo!
-谢谢 -我还给你们多拿了点 SUSIE: Thank you. Oh, I also brought y'all
沙拉酱汁 因为你们一定会喜欢的 some extra salad dressing, because y'all are gonna love it.
还要别的吗 - Hoowee! - Y'all need anything else?
不用了 非常感谢 I think we're good. Thank you very much.
-好哒 -谢谢 WAITRESS: AII right. LEON: Good. Thank you.
-我天 -不客气 Oh, my God. WAITRESS: You're welcome
我天 这也天好吃了吧 Oh, my God. This is so delicious.
这里面到底放啥了 What is in this that's so good?
-好吃 -这简直是我吃过最好吃的酱汁 LEON: It's great. This is the best dressing Ive ever had.
确实好吃 我同意 It's really good. I agree with you.
天 如果我有这食谱 Oh, my God. If I had this recipe,
我天天都做沙拉吃 体重肯定咔咔掉 I would make salads every day, Id be losing weight like crazy.
-真不错 -雷阿姨 LARRY: Mm, reallygood. Auntie Rae!
希望你们用餐愉快啊 I hope y'all having a good time.
-当然 -我跟你说吧 雷阿姨 Oh, yeah. - Let me tell you something, Auntie Rae,
这简直是我吃过的最好吃的沙拉汁了 this is the best salad dressing I've ever had in my life.
你喜欢吃我就开心了 I'm happy that you like it, baby.
我想回洛杉矶后我自己也能做 And I would love to be able to make it back in LA.
所以配方是啥啊 里面都有啥 So what's the deal? What's in it?
宝贝儿 我很高兴你喜欢吃 Well, you know, baby, I'm glad you're enjoying it,
但这配方你可是套不出来 but that's one recipe that they can't pull out of me.
-不是吧 -不行 Oh, come on. AUNTIE RAE: No.
-即便是你 宝儿 我也不能说 -我去 Even for you, baby, I don't do. SUSIE: Oh, damn.
没办法 就是这样 Mm- mm. That's just the way it is.
霸气 - Mic drop! ·
你们先吃着 我一会再来 So, I'll see y'all in a little bit, all right?
这里面到底是啥啊 太特么好吃了 SUSIE: What is in this? It's so fucking good.
感觉今天我中了陪审团大奖啊 I feel like I won the jury lottery today.
看看这坐的几位 都是大好人 I look around here and I see nothing but good people.
我都想周日做完礼拜后 I can envision having y'all over on a Sunday after church
请你们来吃烧烤了 for a little barbecue sometime.
厄尔·麦克 厉害 是个很厉害的律师 Earl Mack. He's good. He's really good.
但今天的情形让我想问个问题 But the circumstances today call for this question.
这里有谁会为了投喂一个饥饿的陌生人 Who here could see themselves stealing a loaf of bread
而去偷一块面包呢 in order to feed a hungry stranger?
嗯 Yeah?
我要求他们被排除在外 I ask they're all dismissed for cause.
请离开 Dismissed.
该死 Damn it.
-我还需要其中的几个陪审员呢 -是 她就挺好的 - I wanted some of those jurors. Yeah. No, she was good.
辩护律师 到你了 JUDGE WHITTAKER: Defense, you're up.
-谢谢法官 -等会 我有些想法 - Thank you, Judge. Oh, wait. I have some thoughts.
什么 What?
是这样 LARRY: AII right.
那个戴着领带绳的家伙 把他排除 That guy's got a string tie him. Let's get rid of him.
思想开明的人肯定不戴那玩意儿 No liberal would be caught dead in a string tie.
20号陪审员 谢谢 Juror number 20, thank you.
请离开 JUDGE: Dismissed.
22号陪审员我不太喜欢 头发都炸起来了 Not loving 22. Big hair.
有点像凯莉安妮·康韦 不好 Shades of Kellyanne Conway. No good.
22号陪审员 请离开 Juror 22, dismissed.
-40号 看福克斯电视台的 -请离开 LARRY: Forty. That's a Fox watcher. JUDGE: Dismissed.
23号 Twenty- three.
你看到他地方支援中央的发型了吗 他是个自我厌弃的秃子 You see that comb over? He's a self- loathing bald man!
他讨厌自己肯定也讨厌其他秃顶的 He hates himself and he hates other bald men.
-他得离开 -好吧 He's gotta go. Okay.
23号陪审员 请离开 JUDGE: Juror 23, dismissed.
陪审团的各位成员 Uh, members of the jury,
如你们所知 这个案子的曝光度很高 as you know, there's lots of publicity around this case.
外面都是摄像机 有媒体密切关注 As you see the cameras outside, there's intense media scrutiny.
所以我只能把你们隔离了 So we're gonna have to sequester you.
我知道 我知道 JUDGE: I know, I know.
我们会给你们准备一个不错的酒店 让你们舒服一点 We'll give you a nice hotel, try to make you comfortable.
隔离啊 这也太糟糕了 Oh, sequestering. That's awful.
不能看电视 不能听收音机 JUDGE: No watching TV, no listening to the radio...
要我肯定都烦死了 I would hate to be cooped up like that.
我觉得我接受不了 I don't think I could take it, you know?
而且我敢打赌很多人都会作弊 And I'll bet a lot of them cheat on it too.
他们里面肯定有人特别讨厌隔离 There's probably a bad sequesterer among them.
-你说呢 -拉里 我觉得陪审团的事你就别操心了 - Don't you think? - Larry, I wouldn't worry about the jury.
你是被告 You're the defendant.
如果你被判有罪 你就要坐牢了 And if you get convicted, you'll be a felon.
《法网》 Dragnet.
明天 律师们会进行开庭陈述 JUDGE: Tomorrow, the lawyers will give their opening arguments.
退庭 Court adjourned.
这是拉里·大卫庭审的第一天 It is day one of the trial of Larry David,
拉里·大卫是《宋飞传》的联合创作人 the Seinfeld co- creator who's run afoul...
-那是拉里的吗 -他违反了乔治亚州新选举法 Is that for Larry? ...of the new Georgia voting law
他认为该选举法具有党派色彩 严厉 that he views as partisan, draconian,
-并且违宪 -非常感谢 and unconstitutional. Thank you very much.
这次选举的结果可能会对下次选举 How this plays out could have major ramifications
产生重大影响 for the next election.
-停近点 -好的 夫人 - Keep it close. VALET: Yes, ma'am.
谢谢 Thank you.
-嗨 -嗨 拉里 Hi. Hi, Larry.
你开的那辆蓝色奔驰哈 You got that blue Mercedes, huh?
-嗯 这车不错 -是 非常不错 - Yeah. Nice car. - LARRY: Oh, very nice.
就是不让我变道的那人 That's the exact model of the car
开的那辆车 that wouldn't let me into the lane.
-是 我记得 -然后开车的那个女人 - That's right. I remember...And a woman was driving.
但不是我 - Huh! - But it wasn't me.
-这也太凑巧了 -是 - What a crazy coincidence. CYNTHIA: Yeah.
理查德跟我说 So, um, Richard told me
你曾经试过 that you once contemplated, uh,
我该怎说呢 自杀未遂 dare I say, attempted suicide?
理查德告诉你的 Richard told you that?
对 我们是铁哥们 LARRY: Yes. Yes. We're very close.
我什么事都告诉他 他也一样 I tell him everything. He tells me everything. Yeah.
是的 拉里 Yes, I did, Larry.
为什么啊 Why did you do it?
是因为 分手的事吗 Oh, it was the whole...the breakup?
当时我情绪非常激动 It was a very emotional time for me.
我 - I was...LARRY: Hmm.
非常爱他 ...very much in love with him
-而 -他吗 - and- - - Him?
-你是理查德的朋友 -对啊 - You're Richard's friend? - Yeah.
但你不相信有人会深爱他 And you don't believe anyone could be in love with him?
不信 No.
你知道什么是爱吗 拉里 Have you ever known love, Larry?
你知道失去挚爱是什么滋味吗 Have you ever known the loss of a great love?
我知道什么是爱 也知道失去是什么 LARRY: Oh, I've known love and I've known loss.
2004年 洋基队在最后四场比赛中输给了令人讨厌的红袜队 2004, Yankees lost the last four games to the hated Red Sox.
我伤心了好几周 Devastated for weeks.
感觉想去死 Felt like killing myself, actually.
那是不同类型的爱 拉里 Different kind of love, Larry.
当然 1994年 游骑兵队赢得了奖杯 And in 1994, of course, when the Rangers won the Cup.
天 没有比这更美好的了 Come on. Doesn't get any better than that.
当梅西耶举起奖杯的时候 When Messier lofted that trophy,
我的心都要炸裂了 I thought my heart was gonna burst.
拉里 我曾经爱过理查德 我做了个选择 Larry, I was in love with Richard. I made a choice.
我 我我当时心灰意冷 I'm- - I- - I was emotionally distraught.
是 我的确自杀未遂 And, yes, I did attempt suicide.
你怎么做的 How did you do it?
你是第一个 I think you're the first person
问我这个问题的人拉里 who has ever asked me that question, Larry.
-真的吗 -非常不合适 - Really? - So inappropriate.
你说的对 如果有人真的自杀未遂 You know, you're right. It would be inappropriate,
我这么问就太不近人情了 if in fact the person actually attempted suicide.
哦 所以你是说你不信我自杀未遂是吧 Oh, so you're saying you don't believe I attempted suicide?
-你怎么做的 -我不记得了 - How'd you do it? - I don't remember.
-那是很久以前的事了 -你不记得了 - It was long time ago. You don't remember?
吃药 好吗 Pills, okay?
哪种药 What kind of pills?
粉色的 Pink pills.
-你确定吗 -我确定 Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.
好吧 Okay.
告诉理查德我在车里等他 Tell Richard I'll be in the car.
嘿 你为啥背冲门口坐着啊 Hey, what are you doing sitting with your back to the door?
因为我的粉丝们啊 他们会蜂拥而至的 Because of my fans. They just swarm all over me.
真的吗 你是觉得自己跟披头士一样是吗 Really? You're kind of like a Beatle in a way, aren't you?
-你能广为传播一下吗 -嗯 Can you spread that around? - LARRY: Yeah.
嘿 辛西娅 她说在车里等你 Hey, Cynthia, she's waiting in the car for you.
不能吧 她说她要来这踉我碰头的 What do you mean? No, she's gonna meet me in here.
不是 我有点 我和她有点不痛快 No, no. I had a little...I had a little thing with her.
什么意思 What do you mean? -
我问她 关于自杀的事了 You know, I asked her about the, uh, the suicide.
我去 RICHARD: Oh, Jesus Christ.
她差点吊死自己 The woman tried to hang herself.
-是嘛 -是 Oh, she did? - Yes.
这也太奇怪了 Well, isn't that curious.
因为她跟我说她吃了药 Cause she told me she took pills.
这有什么不同吗 吃药 上吊 Well, what's the difference, pills, hanging?
有什么不同 你说有什么不同 What's the difference? What's the difference?
你觉得会有人不记得 You think somebody would remember
自己当年怎么自杀的 how they tried to kill themselves.
你为什么又要这样对我啊 Why are you doing this to me again?
毁掉我未来妻子的可能性 Ruining my potential wives,
毁掉我可能有后代的机公 ruining my chance to have children.
-天 是 什么 -我想要个孩子 Jeez. Yeah. What? - I want family.
-你要怎么有后代 -收养啊 - How are you gonna do that? - We'll adopt.
你打算收养啥 一个40岁的孩子吗 What are you gonna adopt, a 40- year- old?
对啊 收养个医生 Yeah. A doctor.
-医生 -医生或者律师 LARRY: A doctor? A doctor or a lawyer.
挺好 真是个好主意 Good. Good idea.
-为啥不行呢 -是 为啥不行 Why not? - Yeah. Why not?
你最好出去了 她在车里等你呢 Well, you better go out. She's waiting in the car.
你才最好出去 You better go out.
天 Oh, God.
好吧 你准备好了吗 Okay. You ready?
没有 No.
为拉里讨回公道 SUPPORTERS: Justice for Larryl
停止打压选票 TED DANSON: Stop suppressing the vote!
停止打压选票 Stop suppressing the vote!
拉里 有关庭审能讲两句吗 Larry, care to comment on the trial?
-你听见人群的呼声了吗 -听见了 Can you hear the crowd? Yeah. Yes.
讲两句呗 拉里 Any comment? Larry.
停止打压选票 Stop suppressing the vote.
停止打压选票 ALL: Stop voter suppression!
-停止 -等会 停止打压选票 Stop- - Hold on. Stop suppressing the vote.
停止打压选民 ALL: Stop voter suppression!
-你干嘛呢 -什么叫我干嘛呢 - What are you doing? - What do you mean what am I doing?
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
-这事我不能袖手旁观啊 拉里 -是嘛 - I can't sit this one out, Larry. - LARRY: Oh, really?
选举诚信法案 扯淡呢 Election Integrity Act? It's bullshit.
他们在偷选票 They're stealing votes.
嗯 你在抢风头 Yeah. You're stealing the spotlight.
对了 你为什么要告诉所有人 By the way, why are you telling everybody
谢丽尔不喜欢吃墨西哥餐呢 - that Cheryl doesn't like Mexican food?
告诉所有人 什么 你开什么玩笑 Telling everybody? What, are you kidding?
我就跟一个人说了 有啥大不了的啊 I told one person, and so what?
这不是你该吃的瓜 拉里 It's not your story to tell, Larry.
没有瓜 哪有什么瓜 There's no story. It's not a story.
-不喜欢墨西哥餐有什么丢人的 -你小点 - What's the shame in not liking Mexican food? - Just keep- -
-你小点声 -这有什么的啊 - Keep your voice down. - LARRY: Why is that bad?
拉里 我们该走了 该走了 Larry, we gotta go. We gotta go.
-我祝你好运 -嗯 TED: Good luck in there. LARRY: Yeah.
嗨 丹森先生 Hi, Mr. Danson.
-停止打压选票 -停止打压选民 Stop suppressing the vote. - ALL: Stop voter suppression!
-厄尔 -早 律师 Earl. Morning, Counsel.
队长 Captain.
我天 看看这个啊 Oh, my God. Will you look at this?
没有杯垫 No coasters.
他们想让你尊重法律 They want you to respect the law,
可法律不尊重木头啊 but the law doesn't respect wood.
你看出这有多讽刺了吧 You see the irony there?
全体起立 尊敬的惠特克法官主持庭审 AlI rise. The honorable Judge Whittaker presiding.
请就座 Take your seats.
准备好开庭陈述了吗 Ready for your opening statements?
我准备好了 法官大人 I am, Your Honor.
请开始 JUDGE: Counselor, you may proceed.
我祖父 My grandfather.
告诉我 我们是个法治国家 told me we are a country of laws.
这就是我们 That's all we are.
你可能不喜欢《选举诚信法案》 You may not like the Election Integrity Act,
但这不是问题的关键 but that's not the point.
拉里·大卫触犯了法律 Larry David broke the law.
他会向你们承认这一点 He's gonna admit that to you
我也会找一些证人 and I'm gonna bring up a number of witnesses
向你们展示他的行为模式 who are gonna show you a pattern.
这可不是个好模式 It's not a very nice pattern.
因为拉里·大卫不尊重法律 Because Larry David doesn't respect the law.
他游走于法律之外 He lives outside.
不受人类基本道德的约束 Unrestrained by the guardrails of human decency.
如果我们按拉里·大卫的准则生活 If we lived by Larry David's code,
你知道我们会怎样吗 you know what we'd have?
出现无政府状态 谁会喜欢无政府状态呢 Anarchy. Who'd like anarchy here?
他喜欢 He'd love it.
因为那个人想推翻法治社会 Because that man wants to burn it all down.
我不知道他这想法从哪来的 I don't know where he gets that from.
我们今天必须深挖 问问自己 EARL: Now, we have to dig deep and ask ourselves today
这个人是否应该像你我一样 whether or not this man deserves the right
享有在善良 体面 和令人尊敬的人群之中 to walk freely among good, decent, respectable people
生活的权利 like you and me.
谢谢 律师 JUDGE: Thank you, Counselor.
拉里 你完蛋了 Larry, you fucked!
闭上你的臭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
-这个王八蛋太厉害了 -桑德斯女士 - This motherfucker's good. JUDGE: Ms. Sanders?
法官大人 Yes, Judge.
拉里·大卫是否触犯了法律呢 当然 Did Larry David break the law? Of course, he did.
而且拉里是今天坐在这受审的人 And yes, Larry is the one who's on trial here.
但是 拉里·大卫不应该受审 But Larry David is not the one who should be on trial.
应该受审的 It is this unconscionable,
正是这种不合情理 不人道的法律 inhumane law that should be on trial.
在大热天里 你不能 You can't give another human being water
给另一个人水喝吗 on a hot day?
地检会说 他犯法了啊 The district attorney will say he broke the law.
没什么可说的 就这么简单 Case closed. Simple as that.
但是 如果法律规定黑人必须 But what if the law said that Black people
坐在公共汽车的后面 have to ride in the back of the bus
或者犹太人必须在衣服上佩戴星星呢 or that Jewish people have to wear stars on their clothes?
我们知道这项法律是错误的 - SIBBY: We know this law is wrong.
它唯一的目的就是吓退人们 不让他们投票 Its only purpose is to scare people off from voting.
这是对民主的侮辱 SIBBY SANDERS: It is an insult to democracy
它违背了圣经告诉我们的一切 and it goes against everything the Bible tells us,
违背了父母教给我们的一切 what our parents taught us.
问问你自己 Ask yourself this.
如果耶稣看见一队人 what would Jesus do
热得大汗淋漓 哭喊着要水喝 if he saw a line of people sweltering in the heat,
他会怎么做 crying out for water?
你们会认为耶稣有罪吗 - Would you convict Jesus? -
我想我们都知道答案 SIBBY: I think we all know the answer to that.
而你如果不能审判耶稣 And if you wouldn't convict Jesus...
那你也不应该认为拉里有罪 ...then you can't convict Larry.
谢谢 - - SIBBY: Thank you.
谢谢 桑德斯女士 - - JUDGE: Thank you, Ms. Sanders.
-嘿 -我们搞定他了 - LARRY: Hey. - We got'em.
干的漂亮 - Good job. -
控方准备好传召第一位证人了吗 JUDGE: Is the state ready to call its first witness?
控方传召乔·波卡贝拉 The state calls Joe Boccabella.
乔·波卡贝拉是谁 Who's Joe Boccabella? -
我天 LARRY: Oh, my God.
那不是乔·波卡贝拉啊 他是摩卡乔 That's not Joe Boccabella. That's Mocha Joe.
波卡贝拉先生 据我所知 Mr. Boccabella, I understand at one point,
你曾开过咖啡厅 you were in the coffee business?
是的 咖啡厅叫摩卡乔 Yes, I was. It was called Mocha Joe's.
也许你们听说过 Maybe you heard of it.
你可曾与人发生过不快吗 Ever have a problem with anybody?
没有 都很正常 Not really. Normal stuff.
直到有一天拉里·大卫走了进来 Until one day Larry David came in.
你能告诉我发生了什么吗 EARL: Could you tell us what happened?
他开始抱怨 He started complaining,
说我的司康像麦芬 太软了 my scones were like muffins, too soft...
嗯 就是太软了 Yeah. They were soft.
说我的桌子摇摇晃晃 咖啡都凉了 ...my tables were wobbly, and that my coffee was cold,
其实并没有 which it was not.
-反对 法官大人 没有相关性 -不是 就是凉的 Objection, Your Honor Relevance. - No. Which it was. It was cold.
-这是动机问题 法官大人 -继续 - Goes to motivation, Your Honor. - I'll allow it.
这就结束了吗 EARL: And it ended there?
我倒是想 他又回来了 说他要开一家 I wish. He came back in and he said he was opening up
-叫怨念的店 -真行 - what he called The Spite Store. Oh, here we go.
就在我的摩卡乔的旁边 JOE BOCCABELLA: A coffee shop, right next door
开一家咖啡店 to my store, Mocha Joe's.
他想把我的生意击垮 He was trying to put me out of business.
这听上去有点像天方夜谭 EARL: This almost sounds fantastical.
还有更严重的呢 It got even worse.
我大半夜接到电话 I got a call in the middle of the night
说摩卡乔起火了 that Mocha Joe's was on fire.
说摩卡乔起火了 thart jModha Joefs was on fjre.
等我赶到 看见他站在那 - - JOE: And when I got there, he was standing there,
看着我的咖啡豆被熊熊大火吞噬 watching my beans burn.
你做了什么啊 - What did you do? -
-他烧了我的咖啡豆 -我才没有 - He burned my beans! - I didn't burn your beans!
你自己烧了豆子 You burned my beans.
乔伊·芬克豪泽 Joey Funkhouser started that fire
用他的大老二放的火 with his big new penis.
大卫先生 你闭嘴 Mr. David, shut your mouth
否则我就让法警帮你了 or I'll have my bailiff do it for you.
他要怎么着 打我吗 What's he gonna do? Hit me?
你能怎么着 What are you gonna do?
控方传召松江高桥 EARL: State would like to call Matsue Takahashi.
高桥先生 你能告诉陪审团 Mr. Takahashi, could you please tell the jury
你的职业吗 what your occupation is?
我有一家高尔夫球俱乐部 I own the golf club.
拉里·大卫和俱乐部其他成员 How were Larry David's interactions
-关系如何 -他总是各种不满 - with the other members? - Oh, he's always disgruntled.
而且 他击球的时候都不喊看球的 And, also, he never say fore when he hit the ball.
有一次 他用高尔夫球 One time, he hit a member in the back
打到了一位俱乐部成员的后背 with a golf ball. -
-我天 -嘿 你 特么有病吗 Oh, my Godl Hey, what the fuck?
我听说俱乐部里发生了一起 And I understand there was an incident
与野生动物有关的意外 involving some wildlife at the club?
对 Oh, yes.
他杀死了 MATSUE TAKAHASHI: He killed...
-嘿 嘿 嘿 -我漂亮的黑天鹅 洋子 Hey! Hey! Heyl...my beautiful black swan, Yoko.
那只天鹅袭击了我 LARRY: The swan attacked me!
要么我死要么它死 It was kill or be killed.
-你就是个凶手 凶手 -我那是自卫好嘛 - You're a murderer. Murderer! - LARRY: It was self- defense.
秩序 Order!
控方传唤 EARL: The state is honored
亚历山大·温德曼中校 to call Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman.
亚历山大·温德曼中校 我听说 Lieutenant Colonel Vindman, I understand you have
你一向致力于揭露腐败 a long history of uncovering corruption.
我报道了唐纳德·特朗普总统 I reported President Donald Trump
在任时期间试图勒索 when he was sitting president and he attempted to extort,
泽伦斯基总统 作为交换条件 in a quid pro quo, President Zelenskyy,
他现在正在与俄罗斯开战 who's now fighting a war against Russia,
而特朗普总统最终被弹劾 and President Trump ended up being impeached.
无论在哪里发现腐败 我都会继续揭露 I continue to expose corruption wherever I find it,
我不会容忍特朗普 and I will not tolerate corruption
普京或拉里·大卫的腐败 from Trump, Putin, or Larry David.
得了吧你 Come on.
特朗普 普京或者拉里·大卫 - Trump, Putin, and Larry David? -
这可是个不寻常的组合啊 That's an unusual combination.
我无意中听说拉里·大卫 I overheard Larry David attempting to bribe
试图贿赂圣莫尼卡市议员 a Santa Monica city councilwoman.
那就是个完美通话 It was a perfect call.
完美通话 A perfect call-
温德曼 高桥 LARRY: Vindman, Takahashi,
他们居然大老远飞过来干这事 they fly all the way out here to do that?
他们飞到亚特兰大啊 They fly to Atlanta?
不知道 我们该怎么做 I don't know. What are we gonna do?
我该怎么做 这看上去对我太不利了 What am I gonna do? This is looking bad.
等我想出点什么来再告诉你 Well, if I think of something, I'll let you know.
我得走了 I gotta get going.
明天是周年纪念 Tomorrow's my anniversary
苏西给我们俩今晚安排了盛大的晚餐计划 and Susie made these big dinner plans for us tonight,
豪华餐厅啥的 fancy restaurant.
而且你知道吗 我还得送她个礼物 And you know what? I gotta get her a gift.
我都不知道该给她买什么 I don't even know what the fuck to get her.
还送 你不刚给她买了生日礼物吗 Another one? You just got her a birthday gift.
我知道 可不是嘛 I know. Yes.
她喜欢那个 喜欢那个沙拉酱汁 She loved that- - She loved that salad dressing.
雷阿姨却不肯告诉她配方 Couldn't get the recipe from Auntie Rae.
-要是能拿到这礼物不错 -这礼物可太棒了 That'd be a good gift. - Yeah. That's a great gift.
我知道 但她不肯说你也没办法 I know, but she's not gonna give it out.
她拒绝了 She said no.
我打算试试 I'm gonna give it a little bit of a try.
-你说什么呢 -看我的吧 LARRY: What are you talking about? - Watch a man in action.
嘿你好 雷家饭店 请问有什么能帮到您 Hey, there. It's Rae's. How may I help you?
我叫朱尼·冈德森 My name is Journey Gunderson.
我老婆住院了 My wife is in the hospital
就因为吃了你家的沙拉酱 because of the dressing on your salad.
我天 我天 Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
这里有很多医生 There are numerous doctors
我们需要知道酱汁里都有什么 and we need to know what's in that dressing.
冈德森先生 我们从不会布配方的 Mr. Gunderson, we never give that recipe out, sir.
你需要告诉我们 You need to let us know. -
那是她 她痛苫万分 Oh, that's her. She's in so much pain.
朱尼 Ah! Journey!
医生说需要知道里面具体有什么 JEFF: The doctors need to know the specific ingredients.
-朱尼啊 -我 我 LARRY: Journey! - I'm- Im- Im
我很抱歉 冈德森先生 那是你老婆吗 I'm sorry. Mr. McGunderman, is that your wife?
是凯伦·冈德森 JEFF: That was Karen Gunderson.
她现在很严重 She's all catawampus.
-抱歉 她怎么着 -严重 - I'm sorry. All kind of what? - JEFF: Catawampus.
猫豹 猫豹是什么玩意儿啊 格尼·忙德森先生 Wampus? What the heck is wampus, Mr. Gurney Manunderson?
你撑住啊 - - AUNTIE RAE: Hang in there.
凯伦·冈德森 Uh, Karen Gunderson,
宝儿 我和你老公 格尼·杰莫尼 honey, me and your husband, Gurney Germerny,
我们会让你好起来的 宝儿 we gon'get you better, baby.
现在你挺好了 里面有一汤匙醋 Now, listen here. It's a tablespoon of vinegar.
一汤匙醋 One tablespoon vinegar.
然后我用了 三茶匙 And I use, yeah, three teaspoons
橄榄油 - of the olive oil. Yeah.
还有大蒜瓣 AUNTIE RAE: And some clove garlic.
然后我用了半茶匙第戎芥末 一块 And I use a half a teaspoon of Dijon mustard, a dollop...
这是什么 SUSIE What is this?
-雷姨的沙拉酱汁 -雷姨的沙拉酱汁 - Auntie Rae's salad dressing. LARRY: Auntie Rae's salad dressing.
这也太有心了吧 你怎么搞到的 Aw, that is so thoughtful. How d you get this?
爱为我指引了方向 Love finds a way.
宝贝啊 Oh, baby doll.
但是等等 还有呢 But, wait. There's more.
-还有 还有 -还有 - More? More? - JEFF: Oh, more.
对 对 周年纪念快乐 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Happy anniversary.
-这是什么 -什么 什么 这是什么 What is this? - What? What- - What is this?
是配方啊 It's a recipe.
-是配方 -是沙拉酱的配方 - Oh, the recipe! - SUSIE: It's the recipe for the salad dressing.
-你拿到了配方 -我天 - You got the recipe. - SUSIE: Oh, my God.
-你特么怎么搞到手的啊 -是配方哎 - How did you get the fucking recipe? - It's the recipe.
这是你送过我的最好的礼物了 This is the best gift you've ever given.
比任何诗歌啊十四行诗啊都强 Better than any kind of poem or sonnet.
你简直是世界上最好的老公 You're the best husband in the whole world.
这个芝加哥来的 What about this young man
-年轻人啊 -我爱死了 - from Chicago, huh? - Mm- hmm. Oh, I love this.
看看这个啊 Look at this.
-嗨 利昂 -天 看看谁来了 Oh. Hi, Leon. LARRY: Oh, boy. Look who's here.
-你知道的 -啥 - LEON: You know what it is. - Yeah, what?
就特么那个《宋飞传》啊 That motherfucking Seinfeld, man.
我一直在追 I've been catching up on that shit.
疯狂的看那个破片啊 Binge watching that bullshit, man.
是嘛 你 你觉得怎么样 Oh, yeah? What do you- - What do you think?
天 那个操蛋的克雷默 靠 太特么过了 Man, this goddamn Kramer, man, he's too much, man.
不请自来闯进你家 Walk into your fucking house unannounced and shit.
-是 -我看你干脆把门卸了 Yeah. You might as well take off the fucking door
然后给那贱人弄个酒吧门双开门得了 and put a fucking saloon door on that bitch.
你明白我的意思吧 LEON: You know what I'm saying?
这个王八蛋想啥时候进就啥时候进 This motherfucker just walking in when he want to.
今天会如何 So what's gonna happen today?
会比昨天好吗 Is it gonna be better than yesterday?
因为昨天简直就是场灾难啊 'Cause yesterday was a disaster.
-灾难 -是 - I mean, a disaster. - Yeah.
我觉得这个法官对我有意见 I think this judge really has it in for me.
他是真有 He really does.
-咋办呢 -不知道 - What's it gonna be? - I don't know.
有什么能做的吗 什么什么的 Anything you could do about it? What? What?
-不知道哇 -你知道该怎么办吗 - I don't know. You know what you need?
-同情心 -是嘛 Sympathy. - Oh, really?
我给你讲个关于霍斯科克·威廉姆斯的小故事吧 Let me tell you a little story about Horsecock Williams.
这王八蛋总惹麻烦 This motherfucker's always in trouble.
总上法院 Always in fucking court.
你知道他干啥了吗 Know what he fucking does?
他就坐着轮椅进法庭 He'll come in the courtroom in a wheelchair.
然后慢慢推进去 还一路哆嗦着啥的 And he rolls in there slow and fucking shaking and shit.
大家一看就想 天 这可怜的家伙 Everybody's like, "Oh, my God. That poor man. "
法官就同情他啊 法警也一样 The judge is touched. The bailiff is touched.
素描师哭得太惨了 Sketch artist is fucking bawling so bad
素描都花了 that the sketch is blurry.
然后那个王八蛋每次都特么赢 And that motherfucker wins every fucking time.
必赢 This motherfucker wins.
专门骗取同情心 He is a sympathy snatcher.
霍斯科克真特么简直了 LEON: Horsecock is fucking amazing.
他还想弄点坐轮椅的野鸡 He had an idea about getting wheelchair hookers,
让她们去站街 你知道我说啥呢吧 put'em out on the street and shit. You know what I mean?
你有没有跟坐轮椅的女人上过床 因为我有 Have you ever had sex with a woman in a wheelchair? Cause I have.
你有没有干过拄拐的 Have you ever tapped some ass on crutches?
拄着拐干事 You ever crutch fuck?
感觉就像千只动物一样 That's like fucking an animal
因为双拐就像多出来的两条腿 'cause the crutches are an extra set of legs.
靠 老刺激了 Shit. Break that ass off, huh?
轮椅野鸡 LEON: Wheelchair hookers,
一提到干那事 啥花样都有市场 there's a market for every fucking thing.
他鬼主意可多了 LEON: He always had great ideas and shit.
真特么能创新 霍斯科克真特么厉害 Motherfucker's innovative. Horsecock is fucking amazing.
第二天的审判正在进行 Day two of the trial is underway and it's up to the jury
陪审团将决定拉里·大卫是个什么样的人 to decide what kind of man Larry David is.
我们期待着检方提供更多的证人 We're expecting even more witnesses from the prosecution.
释放拉里 拉里无罪 SUPPORTERS: Free Larry. Free Larry
陪审员 我想提醒你们 Jurors, I wanna remind you
在审议开始之前 not to discuss this case with anyone
不要与任何人讨论此案 until deliberations begin.
你们会有机会商榷 You'll have an opportunity to deliberate-
别特么碰我 - - SUSIE: Get your fucking hands off me.
我知道 我没事 我能行 got it. I got it. I'm fine. I'm not helpless.
我天 看看啊 她来了 来了 Oh, my God. Look at this. She came, she came.
-你来了啊 -怎么回事啊 - Oh, you're here. - CHERYL: What is going on?
-亲爱的 你来了 -嗯 - LARRY: Honey. You came. Yeah.
-我来了 -看啊 看看 I'm here. - Look, look, look, look.
宝儿来了 Honey's here. -
你为什么不告诉我啊 我可以抱你上台阶的 Why didn't you tell me? I would've carried you up the steps.
没事 没事 - It's fine. It's fine. Oh.
真是个勇敢的姑娘 天 太让人吃惊了 Such a brave girl. Oh, my God, what a surprise.
她谁啊 Who is that?
你配合就行 Just go with it.
你完事了吗 可以继续了吗 Are you through? May we continue?
抱歉 法官大人 我的宝贝刚到 I'm sorry, Your Honor. My sweetheart just arrived.
她几个月前被大巴撞了 She got hit by a bus a few months ago
她当时躺在地上 我冲了过去 and she was lying on the ground, I rushed over.
给她做了口对口的心肺复苏 I gave her mouth- to- mouth resuscitation.
然后我把她抱上了我的车 真挺困难的 And I carried her to my car. Not that easy.
送她去了医院 我们相爱了 Took her to the hospital, we fell in love
然后我搬到了帕科伊马就为了跟她在一起 and I moved to Pacoima to be with her.
看看我的小可怜儿啊 And look at her, the poor thing.
我救了她 告诉他我救了 I saved her life. Tell- - Tell him I saved- -
你刚说过了 - You just told him. -
-是 我们相爱了 -对 - Yeah, we're in love. - LARRY: Yeah.
他特别好 他 他是个超棒的人 He's great. He's a...He's a wonderful man.
还有 那些动物 And the...the animals...
对对 Oh, oh! Oh. LARRY: Oh, yeah.
-他在动物收容所工作 -动物收容所 对 对 - He works in an animal shelter. The animal shelter. Yeah, yeah.
-还有孩子们 -残疾人 And the kids...- And, uh- - Oh, the disable- -
-他还和残疾儿童一起工作 -残疾儿童 - He works with disabled kids. - LARRY: Disabled kids.
他一走进去说 拉里来了 Oh, he walks in, "Larry's here! "
他们能跳的就都会跳起来 They'd all jump up if they could jump.
行了 够了 拜托 AII right, enough. Uh, please.
控方 你还有证人要传召吗 Uh, prosecution, you got any more witnesses to call?
是的 我们想传召 Yes. We would like to call, uh,
证人蕾切尔·海涅曼 witness Rachel Heineman, please.
请说出你的名字以方便记录 EARL: Could you please state your name for the record?
蕾切尔·罗哈利·舒丽·哈姆达·撒拉拉·海涅曼 Rachel Raheli Shuli Hamda Sarala Heineman.
你是如何认识被告的 And how do you know the defendant?
我很不幸和被告一起坐了滑雪缆车 I was unfortunate enough to be on a ski lift with the accused.
由于某种原因 And for some reason,
在即将日落的时候 Hashem decided to stop the ski lift
哈什姆决定停下滑雪缆车 as shkiyat hachamah, that's sundown,
作为一个女人 was approaching, and as a woman,
我是不能在日落之后和男人在一起的 I'm not allowed to be with a man after sundown.
于是我跟他说 RACHEL: So I informed him...
于是我跟他说 - RACHEL: So I informed him...
有人得跳下去 Somebody's gonna have to jump.
-然后他说 -你不是疯了吧 - To which he said- What, are you fucking nuts?
所以我被迫 RACHEL: And so I was forced...
从45英尺高的地方跳了下去 ...to jump 45 feet. -
我摔断了双盖和双踝 I broke both my knees, my ankles.
我放了个图来说明 I put together a little diagram.
到现在我还摆脱不掉这阴影 I'm still traumatized.
拉里·大卫在我家的耶稣画像上撒了泡尿 Larry David pissed on a portrait of Jesus Christ in my home.
什么 What?
他尿在了上面 MAUREEN: He tinkled on it.
喷了耶稣一脸 He sprayed Jesus. Oh!
而不是只有一两滴 MAUREEN: And not just a little. -
他来到我们餐厅不停尖叫 He came to our restaurant. He screamed.
拉里·大卫是个可悲的老年人 Larry David is a sad senior
有蛋蛋过长和精神问题 with long balls and mental issues.
你们见过大屠杀博物馆里成堆的鞋子吧 You've seen the big piles of shoes in a Holocaust museum.
什么变态会从那里面拿走鞋子 What kind of monster takes some of those shoes
然后自己穿呢 out of there and wears them?
谁能做出这种事来呢 - IRMA KOSTROSKI: Who can do that?
拉里·大卫是什么样的人呢 What kind of guy is Larry David?
他是那种非常粗心的人 He's the kind of man who carelessly,
甚至可能是恶意的 让我用他的杯子里喝水 maybe even maliciously, had me drink from his glass
然后害我得了新冠 and gave me COVID.
是他把新冠传染给我的 He gave me COVID.
-胡扯 -毁了我和我的粉丝们 Bullshit. - Ruining the biggest night of my
这一生中最美好的夜晚 and some of my fans lives.
而他却毫无悔意 And he doesn't give a damn.
我到现在嗅觉都没恢复 And I still can't smell a fucking thing.
检方要求传召 EARL: State would like to call
-塔拉·迈克尔森 -这又谁啊 Tara Michaelson. - Who's that?
-不知道哇 -迈克尔森女土 I don't know EARL: ivls. Mvichaelson
你做了多少年的心理治疗 how many years of therapy have you had?
我从9岁就开始了 I started therapy when I was about nine.
所以 21年了 So, um, 21 years.
有什么特别的事件刺激到你了吗 And is there one particular incident?
我大概岁那年 When I was about eight years old,
跟我父母去看电影首映 I went with my parents to a movie premiere.
就在电影开始前 And right before the movie started,
我一个人去了女卫生间 I went by myself to the women's restroom.
然后发现拉里站在里面 And I found Larry standing there.
-你好 -谢谢你帮朱迪整理头发 - Hello. Thank you for fixing Judy's hair.
不客气 Oh, you're welcome.
他给了我一个拥抱 TARA MICHAELSON: He gave me a hug.
妈咪妈咪 卫生间里的那个秃头男 Mommy! Mommy! That bald man's in the bathroom
裤子里有东西特别硬 and there's something hard in his pants.
谢谢你 迈克尔森女士 EARL: Thank you, Ms. Michaelson.
控方证人传召结束 法官大人 I believe the prosecution rests, Your Honor.
被告现在可以传召证人了 The defense will now call their first witness, please.
是的 法官大人 我想传召雷·布莱克 Yes, Your Honor, I'd like to call Rae Black.
那是我姨姨 LEON: That's my auntie right there.
她胸罩里总藏着糖果 如果幸运的话 She carries candy in her bra. If we're all lucky,
说不定里面还有太妃糖呢 we're gonna get some of that titty- taffy.
真高兴她能来 目前为止这庭审简直就是场灾难 I'm so glad she's here. So far, it's been a disaster.
本来应该很轻松的 It was supposed to be so easy.
现在一切都变得非常艰难 Now, it's all gone catawampus.
怎么回事 What was that? - Ah!
发生什么了 CHERYL: What is happening?
布莱克太太 拉里·大卫在那个炎热的日子里 SIBBY: Mrs. Black, Larry David gave you water
给了你一瓶水 on that hot day.
但那并不是他第一次照顾你 But it's not the first time he took care of you.
飓风卡特里娜过境后 他收留了你和你家人 He took you and your family in after Hurricane Katrina.
是他妻子收留了我们 Well, his wife did.
但你确实和他一起生活了一段时间 But you did live with him for quite some time.
没错 It's true.
时间长得他开始在我面前说N开头的那个词 Long enough for him to use the N- word around me.
他确实会干这种破事儿 He did that shit.
-什么 -时间长得他开始 - What? - And long enough for him
拥抱我 还勃起了一直往我 to hug me and have a hard- on, an erection that he
-身上蹭 -这个就不用说了 - was rubbing all up against me. We don't need to talk about that.
我最后一次见到他 AUNTIE RAE: And the last time I saw him,
他正推着一尊黑人草坪骑师雕塑走来走去 he was carting around a Black lawn jockey.
-请求不予记录 法官大人 -不不不 Move to strike, Your Honor. No, no, no.
-这是她的证人 法官大人 -请求驳回 这是你的证人 - That's her witness, Your Honor. Denied. It's your witness,
她说什么你都得受着 you're stuck with the answers she give.
她为什么要这么对你 拉里 Why is she doing this to you, Larr?
还有一件事 And another thing.
不不不 我没有别的问题了 No, no, no. No further questions.
谢谢 桑德斯女士 JUDGE: Thank you, Ms. Sanders.
什么鬼 What the hell?
你们这群混蛋 就是你们 You sons of bitches. It was you!
我知道是你 伯尼·邦德曼 I know it was you, Bernie Bonderman,
还有你 凯伦·邦德曼 and you, Karen Bonderman,
你们想偷我的配方 trying to steal my recipe. -
-你们怎么敢的啊 -你偷了配方 杰夫 AUNTIE RAE: How could you? - You stole that recipe, Jeff?
没有 No.
-你偷了配方 -没有 我没有 - You stole the recipe? - No, I didn't- -
草泥马 拉里·大卫 - Fuck you, Larry David. -
-布莱克女士 -还有你那长得和猴屁股似的朋友 - Ms. Black- - - And fuck your monkey ass- friend...
-布莱克 -巴什巴·曼德曼 JUDGE: Miss- - ...Bashiba Munderman.
布莱克女士 请维持法庭秩序 Ms. Black, I will have order in this court.
都见鬼去吧 You know what, fuck it!
你这撒谎的混蛋 杰夫 - You lying piece of shit, Jeff. -
这是我听过的最低级的事情了 That is the lowest form of anything I've ever heard.
竟然拿偷来的东西当生日礼物 - Stealing a fucking anniversary gift. -
带着你的配方 杰夫 Take that recipe, Jeff,
给我滚蛋吧 and shove it up your fat fucking ass.
天啊 她能走路了 Oh, my God. She's walking.
她能走路了 She's walking!
奇迹啊 你们看 奇迹发生了 It's a miracle. It's a- - Look, it's just a miracle.
她怎么办到的 我不敢相信 How did she do it? I can't even believe it.
-能走路了 -注意秩序 - Walking. Order.
-她能走路了 -大卫先生 - She's walking. Oh. Oh. - JUDGE: Mr. David.
-大卫先生 -她能走了 - Mr. David. Oh. She's walking.
够了 大卫先生 JUDGE: That'senough, Mr. David. -
明天我们再继续 JUDGE: Pick this up tomorrow.
今天庭审到此结束 This day is over.
今日 大批群众在亚特兰大法庭外抗议 MIKA: Massive protests outside the Atlanta courthouse today,
-包括多次获得艾美奖的演员泰德·丹森 -停止打压选民 - including multiple Emmy- winning actor Ted Danson. - Stop voter suppression!
有点紧 These are a little tight.
好了投票自由 There you go. Freedom to vote.
TED DANSON ARRESTED PROTESTING morning joe
-或许泰德·丹森非常关心民主 -是的 - Maybe Ted Danson gives a damn about democracy......- Yeah.
所以大家爱他 ...that's why people love him.
所以大家尊重他 米卡 That's why people respect him. Mika...
-我知道 -所以这家伙是我心中的英雄 - Iknow. That's why the guy s my hero.
-是啊 他是个了不起的演员 -我爱你们大家 - Yeah. He's an amazing actor. Oh, Ilove you, guys.
别别别别碰我头发 No, no, don't, don't touch the hair.
如果给排队投票的女士递水的是泰德·丹森 What if Ted Danson had given that woman in the line water,
而不是拉里·大卫会怎么样呢 instead of Larry David?
我觉得一切都不会不一样了 对吧 - I think everything would be different, right? -
-拉里 -对 民众喜爱度绝对 Larr! - WILLIE GEIST: Yeah. Likability, certainly......
-嘿 你来啦 -你看看你 天呐 LARRY: Hey, you made it. Oh! - Look at you. Oh, my God.
-嘿 -天啊 Hey. - Oh, my God.
不就是一瓶水吗 不是你的错 It's a bottle of water. I mean, it's not your fault.
-对啊 我什么也没做 -你只是想做个 Exactly. I didn't do anything. - Pure, decent human being
纯洁正直的人 is all you're trying to be.
-就当是个教训吧 -对 - Let that be a lesson to me. - JERRY SEINFELD: Right.
你是怎么挺下来的 So, how are you getting through this?
在法庭上坐了一天 You're sitting in court all day?
-对啊 -有什么想法 - Yeah. Well, what do you think about?
-我给你做个假设吧 -好 Let me give you a hypothetical. Okay.
假设你有朋友 Suppose you're friends with someone
-在马戏团里工作 -好的 - who's in the circus. - Sure.
-他和络腮女士很熟 -好 - LARRY: He knows the bearded lady very well. - Okay.
你去花园剧院看表演 他说 And you go to the performance at the Garden, he says,
嘿 络腮女士要举办个狂欢派对 "Hey, the bearded lady's having a little shindig,
-你也一起来吧 -小聚一下 - why don't you join us? "- A little get- together.
你就去了络腮女人的家 You go to the bearded lady's apartment.
-是个正常的公寓 -没有什么畸形的 - It's a normal apartment. - Nothing freakish.
-没有一点也不畸形 -好 No, nothing freakish at all. - JERRY: Yeah.
你都意识不到你在畸形人的公寓 You wouldn't know you were in a freak's apartment.
-对 -好吧 JERRY: No. Okay.
然后你看到了一张照片 Now, you see this picture.
-超美的美女 -是 This gorgeous woman. Yeah.
你的朋友告诉你 这就是络腮女人 And your friend says to you, "That's the bearded lady. "
-她没有胡子 -胡子刮得干干净净的络腮女人 - She has no beard. Clean- shaven bearded lady.
她要退出马戏团了 她对你非常心动 She's quitting the circus. She's got a big crush on you.
-真的吗 -她想和你约会 - Really? - She'd love to go out with you.
-她要开始剃胡子了 -真的吗 - She's gonna start shaving. - JERRY: Really?
-但在派对上 -派对上 - But at the party when we're there. - At the party.
-她还有胡子 -她还有胡子 ...she's got the beard on. - LARRY: She's got the beard on.
-像犹太教教士一样的胡子 -没错 - Rabbinical? - Very rabbinical.
-对 对 -是哦 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
有兴趣吗 Yeah. Any interest?
-她很性感 -方方面面都很绝 She's sexy. LARRY: Everything.
-很有魅力 -无懈可击 Charming. Got it all.
-哇哦 -就是那种 Wow. The kind of woman
-你十五六岁时 -是哦 - you used to dream about...- JERRY: Yeah.
-梦想中的女人 -是 ...when you were a teenager. - JERRY: Yeah.
-但美中不足的是 -是什么 - Fly in the ointment, though. Yeah.
这个不足挺大的 还有鼻子有眼儿的 And this is a big fly, and he's alive.
最可怕的情况能是什么呢 What's the worst that could happen?
最可怕的就是她用 The worst that could happen is it's a paper napkin...
餐巾纸擦嘴时 ...and she wipes her mouth,
会把餐巾纸蹭破 and, uh, there's some- part of it snags.
她的嘴边有像摩登原始人弗雷德那样的胡茬线吗 Is there a Fred Flintstone kind of line?
-没有 没有胡茬线 -没有胡茬线 No, there's no line. - JERRY: No line?
没有胡茬线 她刮得很干净 No, there's no line. She gets a good shave.
-用的是电动的还是手动的 -手动的 她每天都刮 - Electric or blade? - Blade. She shaves every day.
但不管怎么说 她脸上五点钟方向还是会有胡青 But at the end of the day, she's five o'clock shadow lady.
她会为了你每天刮两次胡子 She'll shave twice a day for you.
那如果我四点半到家怎么办 What if I happen to be home at 4: 30?
猜猜谁要跳窗了 Guess who's on the ledge.
今天 拉里·大卫将会出庭作证 Today, Larry David will take the stand,
他将有机会解释 and he will geta chance to explain
他在选举日当天的行为动机 his motivations on election day.
并就昨日证人对他的指控 And defend himself from the accusations
作出辩护 hurled at him by yesterday's witnesses.
拉里·大卫 Larry David...
大卫先生任务艰巨 Mr. David has got his work cut out for him,
目前检方描绘的他 the picture that's been painted by the prosecution so far
是一个小气 放纵 而且坦率地说 is that of a petty, conniving, and, frankly,
阴险恶意的男人 spiteful man.
那天有多热 SIBBY: And how hot was it that day?
热得很呢 It was a scorcher. - Mm.
就连我都出汗了 我和你说 Even I was sweating, and let me tell you something,
我是个不出汗的人 夸张吧 I don't sweat, it's the craziest thing.
我能在大夏天打篮球 Like I could be playing basketball in the summer,
我不出汗的 I won't sweat.
但有的时候 不知道为什么 You know, occasionally for some reason,
我会在性交过程中出汗 很奇怪 I'lI sweat during intercourse sometimes, which is odd.
-就突然 呀 我出汗了 你们懂吧 -他得闭嘴了 - You know, all of a sudden, "Oh, I'm sweating! "You know? - He needs to stop talking.
投票的队伍有多长 And how long was the line to vote?
非常长 LARRY: It was really long.
大家都必须在大太阳下面等着 All those people having to wait in the hot sun.
没有树 No trees. -
没有草 No grass.
有遮阳的地方吗 And was there any shade?
没有 No shade.
我想说 谢谢你的行为 I know I speak for Ms. Black and all of us
我知道这也说出了布莱克女士和所有人的心声 when I say thank you for your actions.
上帝保佑你 Oh, God bless you.
愿上帝保佑我们所有人 And may God bless us all.
-太好了 太好了 -谢谢 桑德斯女士 - Yes. Yes. - JUDGE: Thank you, Ms. Sanders.
-控方 你需要交叉询问吗 -是的 法官大人 - Prosecution, you got a cross? - EARL: Yes, Your Honor.
请开始 Proceed.
聊聊法律吧 大卫先生 Let's talk about laws, Mr. David.
你记得你曾经拿过 Do you ever remember taking anything
不属于你的东西吗 that didn't belong to you?
你还记得你偷过东西吗 You ever remember stealing anything?
-没有 没有 -没有吗 No. No. EARL: No?
-你不记得你拿走了 -没有 - You don't remember taking flowers...- No.
-一位已逝女性 -没有 ...from a dead woman's...No.
纪念墓碑前的花 ...memorial?
噢 那个呀 好吧 LARRY: Oh, that? Well
你还记得你从棺材里拿走了一把高尔夫球杆吗 Do you remember taking a golf club out of a coffin?
是我的5号木球杆 LARRY: It was my 5- wood.
你撬开了一个已逝男性的手 把球杆拿了出来 EARL: You pried the club out of a dead man's hand?
你知道当你爱上一根球杆的时候 LARRY: Okay. So you know when you get attached to a club,
你是不会放弃它的 即使它在棺材里 you don't wanna give it up even if it's in a coffin?
这就是我对这根5号木的感情 Well, that was that 5- wood for me.
你是否贿赂过市议员 Did you ever bribe a city councilman?
你还记得你闯入 Do you remember breaking in to the house
市议会主席的家 of the head of the city council
偷走控告你有罪的 in order to take a letter from Mr. Vindman
温德曼先生的信件 - that incriminated you? -
女士们 先生们拉里·大卫破坏了 Ladies and gentlemen, Larry David undermines
我们自由公正的选举 our free and fair elections.
选举诚信法案防的 He is exactly who the Election Integrity Act
就是他这种人 was built to protect us from.
-反对法官大人 -反对无效 Objection, Your Honor. Overruled.
-不是吧 -是 Really? - Yeah.
让我们回到2000年 Let's go back to the year 2000,
如果可以的话 if we could, please.
拉里·大卫 这是《洛杉矶时报》上刊登的 Larry David, this is from the Los Angeles Times.
你写的讣告 It's an obituary written by you.
你可以读给陪审团听吗 Could you read it to the jury please, sir?
虔诚的姐妹 挚爱的荡妇 "Devoted sister, beloved cunt. "
拼错了 你们看不出来吗 It's a typo. Don't you see?
就是拼错了而已 It's a typo.
实际上 The fact is...
我听说她确实挺风流的 ...I've heard that she actually was a bit of a cunt.
但这确实不是 But that's still no excuse
在报纸上这么写的理由 to put that in a newspaper.
我没有其他问题了 I have no further questions.
谢谢 控方律师 JUDGE: Thank you, Counselor.
我和拉里聊过《宋飞正传》的事儿 - I've talked to Larry about Seinfeld and shit. - Mm- hmm.
所以 So...
我想问 带子都在哪呢 my question is, where the fuck are the tapes at?
-带子 -拉里 带子 - Tapes? - Larr- The tapes.
拉里不肯说 那些带子呀 Larry won't give that shit up. The tapes.
-什么带子 -就是那些性爱带子 - What tapes? - The fuck tapes.
你知道我在说什么 You know what the fuck I'm talking about.
-不知道 -每个星期 - No, I don't. - Every week,
你都会和不同的人上床 对吧 you getting new ass, right?
每次拍摄 Every fucking show...
你都会认识新的妞 Mm- hmm. ...you meet some new chick.
-这个嘛 -我知道你成天上床 - Well. And I know you fucking.
到处乱搞 - You probably fucking people. Mm- hmm.
对 对 确实都搞了 I did. I did. I had'em all.
-当然了 -是的 Of course, man. Yeah.
-拜托 -我都录下来了 Come on. And it's all on tape.
我不知道你怎么知道的 I don't know how you knew.
我自己想出来的 I figured that shit out, that's why.
是 是 但都是用激光光盘录的 Yeah. Yeah. But they're on laser disc.
你有播放器吗 Oh! - Do you have a player?
-我去 -抱歉 - Fuck me, man. Yeah, sorry.
-没办法转换成别的格式吗 -没有 No way to convert that shit to something else? - Yeah. No.
真可惜 超级精彩的13个小时呢 That's a shame. It's 13 unbelievable hours.
-太可惜了吧 -是啊 - What a fucking waste, man. Yeah.
我可能会卖给奈飞 I might sell it to Netflix.
但这无法改变一个事实 SIBBY: But it doesn't change the fact
这项法律是违背宪法的 that this law is unconstitutional.
是的 拉里·大卫犯了很多错误 Yes, Larry David did a lot of things wrong.
但这一次 他做了一件对的事 But this time, he did something right.
而现在 SIBBY: And now,
你们也有机会去做一件对的事 you have the opportunity to do something right too.
谢谢 Thank you.
-看看她啊 -好棒 Look at her. SUSIE: Terrific.
谢谢你 律师 Thank you, Counselor.
麦克先生 Mr. Mack.
-是的 法官阁下 -你太棒了 Yes, Your Honor. - Wow. That was great.
我知道你们中的一些人可能不喜欢这条法律 I know some of you may not like this law.
但他触犯法律了 But he broke it.
这是一个绝佳的机会 And this is an incredible opportunity
在某些人伤害其他善良的人民之前 就把他们绳之以法 to put away somebody before they hurt other good people.
我们只是触及了这个怪物 We are just scratching the surface of the depths
深渊般内心的表面罢了 that this monster will go to.
有一份警方报告说 There's a police report that exists
说拉里·大卫不给万圣节讨糖的 stating that Larry David would not give candy
-孩子们糖果 -不给糖就捣蛋 to children on Halloween. - BOTH: Trick or treat.
我不 我不想给 I don't- - I don't think so.
-天 混蛋 去你妈的 -谢谢你一毛不拔 混蛋 - God, asshole! Fuck you. Thanks for nothing, asshole.
-天 混蛋 去你妈的 -谢谢你一毛不拔 混蛋 God, asshole! Fuck you. Thanks for nothing, asshole.
他闯进墓地去惊动自己母亲的尸体 He broke into a graveyard to move his mother's body.
-这很不错啊 -是么 This is nice. Oh, yeah?
他带了一个性侵犯者来参加逾越节家宴 He brought a sex offender to a Passover seder.
他连一只垂死狗狗的最后一餐都要抢 He ate a dying dog's last meal.
哦 味道真是太好了 Oh, that is really good.
他还在光天化日之下 And he fornicated...-
和一个充气娃娃发生不正当关系 ...with a blowup doll in broad daylight.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我给你做了个枕套 I made you a pillow sham.
他教一个孩子怎么做纳粹的卐字标志 He taught a child how to make a swastika. What the...
他叫什么来着 拉里 What was his name again, Larry?
希特勒吗 Hitler?
-上车吧 -他雇了个妓女 Get in the car. EARL: He hired a prostitute
就为了在拼车车道上开车 so that he could drive in the carpool lane.
我和我叔做爱了 I had sex with my uncle.
他还假装自己遭到乱伦 And he pretended to be an incest survivor...
此人名叫托德 named Todd.
被告受邀请去参加一个晚宴 只要表现得亲切就好 This man was asked to go to a dinner and just be cordial
伙计们 他连这个都做不到 and he couldn't even do that, folks.
他连亲切都做不到 He couldn't even be cordial.
善良的人们 你们要做一个决定 Good people, you have one decision to make.
我相信你们会做出正确的选择 I trust you'll make the right one.
谢谢你 麦克先生 Thank you, Mr. Mack.
陪审团现在开始审议 Jury will now begin their deliberations.
所有人起立 AlI rise.
休庭 Court is adjourned.
你感觉怎么样 How you feeling?
有信心 Confident.
杰瑞 杰瑞·宝飞 Jerry. Jerry Seinfeld.
-我的天 对不起 伙计 -嘿 你好吗 Oh, my word. Sorry, man. - Hey, how you doing?
我能占用你两秒钟时间吗 Can I have two seconds of your time, please?
恐怕不能 我要和朋友们一起吃晚饭 I can't. I'm having dinner with my friends.
我叫迈克尔·富查 My name's Michael Fouchay.
我其实是一个合法的商人 I'm actually a legitimate businessman.
-我经营富查公司 -好吧 - I run Fouchay Enterprises. - All right.
你可能听说过我们 You might have heard of us.
-我们有好几家企业 -没听说过 但我喜欢你的口音 - We own several businesses. - I have not, but I like the accent.
-是南非口音吗 -是的 South African? Yes.
-我喜欢你的口音 -你能听出来我很惊讶 Yeah, I like that accent. - I'm amazed you recognize it.
-我确实听得出来 -谢谢 Yeah, I do. - MICHAEL FOUCHAY: Thank you.
我的意思是 我一般觉得口音都很傻 I mean, I think accents in general are moronic.
-好吧 -为什么不能按我们说话的发音说话 Right. - Why don't you talk the way we talk?
你就在本国 你能听到大家怎么发音 You're here. You can hear it.
听着 我弟弟要过生日了 Listen, my brother's having a birthday.
他快40岁了 我有一栋漂亮的房子 He's turning 40. I've got a lovely house.
以前从来没有人到过40岁哈 继续说 No one ever turned 40 before. Yeah, go ahead.
你也来 微笑一下 拍几张照片 You come, you smile, take a few photos,
握几次手 以示亲切 shake a few hands, just be cordial.
好吧 做不到 Yeah. Can't do it.
-为什么不呢 -我做不到亲切 Why not? - Can't be cordial.
-不好意思 不 我很抱歉 -不好意思 请原谅 - Uh, excuse me. No, I'm sorry. Oh. Excuse me. Pardon me.
-不 你先走 不 所以抱歉 -不 你先去吧 - No, go ahead. No, I'm so sorry. - So sorry. No, you go.
-不 你先走 -嘿 你知道吗 你长得很像乔·佩西 - No, go ahead. - Hey, you know, you look a lot like Joe Pesci.
-有人告诉过你吗 -真的吗 - Anybody ever tell you that? - Really?
-对 你他妈的觉得我好笑吗 - Yeah. You think I'm fucking funny?
-你觉得我是小丑吗 -对 是 You think I'm a clown? - JERRY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
我是来逗你笑的吗 Am I here to make you fucking laugh?
是啊 他就这么说 Yeah, that's what he says in the.
在乔治亚洲对 The jury has reached a verdict
拉里·人卫的公诉中 in the trial of the people of the state of Georgia DAN ABRAMS Live
陪审团已作出裁决 versus Larry David. DAN ABRAMS Lve
此事的重点不是在于这个人做了什么 或者他在过去做了 It's not about what this man has done or the poor decisions
什么错误的决定 重点是这种邪恶 he's made in the past, it is about this heinous
和不必要的残酷法律条文 and needlessly cruel law.
-你居然来了 -嘿 拉里 - You're here? - Hey, LD.
别担心 我和辛西娅分手了 Don't worry. I broke up with Cynthia.
天哪 真的吗 那太糟糕了 Oh, jeez. Really? That's too bad.
好吧 我确实有点担心 Yeah, well, I'm a little worried.
-她买了把枪 -她要自杀吗 - She bought a gun. She's gonna kill herself?
不 要杀你 No. You.
有意思 That's funny.
这可不是开玩笑 It's not a joke.
嘿 伙计 Hey, man.
我把《宋飞正传》看了个遍 I binged all those Seinfeld episodes.
噢 是吗 Oh, yeah?
没看的只剩下他妈结局了 All I got left is the fucking finale.
然而 我听到了一些关于它的可怕传闻 Although, I heard some terrible things about it.
我听说你搞砸了 I heard you fucked it up.
-所有人起立 -祝你今天好运 伙计 AII rise. Good luck today, man.
陪审团的女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
-你们有结果了吗 -是的 法官阁下 - have you reached a verdict? - We have, Your Honor.
我不明白 为什么法官 I don't understand, why does the judge
非得看一眼 have to peek at it?
是啊 我得看一眼 然后又还回去 Yeah, and I gotta see it, and then ma- - then you go back.
这没意义啊 This makes no sense.
是啊 他们不能复印两份吗 Yeah. They can't make two copies?
因涉嫌违反《选举诚信法》 On the charge of violating the Election Integrity Act,
你们如何裁定被告 how do you find the defendant?
我们认定被告有罪 We find the defendant guilty.
-什么 -哦 别这样 - What? - Oh, come on.
-这是对正义的嘲弄 -搞什么 This is a travesty of justice. - Come on.
我的天 Oh, my God.
大卫先生 鉴于你过去有 Mr. David, seems you have a history
一错再错 死不悔改的习惯 of doing the same things wrong over and over.
我真心希望这次你终于吸取了教训 And I truly hope this time you finally learned your lesson.
为了确保这一点 我要在量刑上 And to make sure of that, I'm gonna sentence you
给你最高处罚 to the maximum the law allows.
一年监禁 One year in prison. -
-什么 别这样 你玩真的吗 -拉里 听着 What? Come on. Seriously? - LEON: Larry, look.
等你进了大牢 去图书馆找份工作吧 When you get there, get a job at the library.
不 我觉得医务室不错 No, I think the infirmary.
也许监狱前台也挺好 Maybe something in reception.
你好 这里是监狱 有什么能帮你吗 "Hello, jail. Can I help you? "
法警 Bailiff. -
把大卫先生送去拘禁 Take Mr. David into custody.
嗨 拉里 别担心 Hey, Larry. Don't worry.
我会好好照顾我们的房子的 I'm gonna take real, real good care of that house of ours.
-我的天啊 -再见 拉里 - Oh, my God. Bye, Larr.
嘿 我问你个问题 Hey, let me ask you something.
我可以去哪买 比如 牙膏 What do you do about, you know, toothpaste
剃须膏和棉签呢 and shaving cream and Q- tips?
里面是有商店 还是像酒店一样 Is- - Is there a store or is it like a hotel
直接需求发给你 where they just leave it out for you?
我可以自带厕纸吗 And can I bring my own toilet paper?
哦 还有我的手机充电器 Oh, and my phone charger.
里昂 里昂 给我带手机充电器 Leon, Leon, I need my phone charger.
-我才不给你充电器 -我借给你了 - You don't got a charger. - I loaned it to you.
-我还给你了 -胡说 那是我的充电器 - I gave it back. Bullshit! That's my charger!
我该去准备采访了 I should probably go do some interviews.
我们去哪吃饭呢 Where should we eat?
嘿 看看这个 Hey. Look at this.
我也遇到过 That happens to me too.
-你管这叫什么 -裤子帐篷 - What do you call that? - It's a pants tent.
-裤子帐篷 -是的 Pants tent. LARRY: Yeah.
我这里立起来有5英寸 I got a five- inch bunch up here.
你知道吗 You know something,
因为这个 我不再穿灯芯绒了 I stopped wearing corduroys because of that.
是啊 我现在穿的就是灯芯绒 Yeah, I'm wearing corduroys now.
是啊 那女人呢 Yeah, and women,
她们不知道什么是裤子帐篷 they don't know what a pants tent is.
她们 这可能会引起误解 They- - It could lead to misunderstandings.
她们搞不明白这是什么 They get confused.
有人要见你 Somebody's here to see you.
好吧 开心果 我们来捞你了 AlI right, Chuckles. Let's get you out of here.
-什么 等下 -是啊 What? Wait. JERRY: Yeah.
你在 你在说什么 What are you- - What are you- What are you talking about?
结束了 It's over.
-这就结束了吗 -你自由了 - It's over? - You're a free man.
-我自由了吗 -没错 I'm a free man? - That's right.
-我怎么会自由了 -我来告诉你怎么回事 - How am I a free man? - I'll tell you how.
你知道酒店附近的那家墨西哥餐厅吗 You know that Mexican restaurant near the hotel?
我去那吃了点东西 I go there to get something to eat.
我甚至不喜欢墨西哥菜 I don't even like Mexican food.
没关系 我不会告诉别人的 That's okay. I won't tell anybody.
-关我什么事 -嗯 有些人在乎 - What do I care? - Well, some people care.
-真的吗 -是啊 Really? - LARRY: Yeah.
总之 那边有个家伙 长得挺像乔·佩西 Anyway, there's this guy there, looks like Joe Pesci.
于是我走到他跟前 跟他说话 So I go up to him, talking to him.
你长得真像佩西 I go you really look like Pesci
-挺帅的 -好吧 from Goodfellas. - Yeah.
他说 哦 我算什么 你当我是小丑吗 He goes, "Oh, what am I, a clown for you? "
我说 佩西也这么说过 I go, "Ah, that's a Pesci line. "
-好吧 -你知道吗 Yeah, yeah. You know?
他不太喜欢被这么说 He doesn't like that too much. - LARRY: Uh- huh.
不管怎样 今天在法庭上 我看了看陪审团席 Anyway, today in the courtroom, I look in the jury box.
就是那个家伙 同一个人 That's that guy. Same guy.
佩西式的发型 The hair, Pesci.
是啊 就是陪审团里的那个人 Yeah, yeah, that's the guy in the jury.
-那个陪审员 我想起那个人了 -是啊 The juror. I know that guy. - JERRY: Yeah.
-那个蓬帕杜发型 -就是那个发型 没错 The big pompadour. Yeah, yeah. JERRY: With the hair. Yeah, yeah.
他不应该出现在墨西哥餐馆里 He's not supposed to be in a Mexican restaurant
因为他处于隔离状态 because he's under sequester.
-他违反了隔离规定 -违反了隔离规定 He broke his sequester? - Broke his sequester.
-他应该被隔离的 -他应该被隔离的 - He's supposed to sequester. - He's supposed to sequester.
-他在隔离时偷跑了 -该被隔离的时候 He's a bad sequesterer. - You can't not sequester
-他没有隔离 对吧 -你应该被隔离 - when you're supposed to sequester, right? - You should be sequestering.
是的 我告诉法官 法官给餐厅打了电话 Yeah. I tell the judge, judge calls the restaurant,
他们看了监控录像 they look at the security footage.
宣布审判无效 判决被驳回 Mistrial declared. Sentence thrown out.
你没事了 You're done.
观众朋友们 这下满意了吧 How about that, sport fans?
搞什么 Uh- - I- - Well, you know...Come on.
我是说 太疯狂了 - Ah! - I mean, crazy.
你不会落得这种下场的 You don't wanna end up like this.
没人希望如此 Nobody wants to see it.
相信我 Trust me.
呼吸自由的空气吧 年轻人 Breathe the free air, young man.
太好了 Yes.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我们就应该这样完成大结局 This is how we should've ended the finale.
天啊 你说得对 Oh, my God, you're right.
我们怎么会没想到这一点呢 How did we not think of that?
女士们 先生们 我们已经到达巡航高度 Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached our cruising. ...
试试那个 Yeah. - Try that one.
-你知道吗 -什么 You know what? - Yeah.
那个人的手铐看起来很紧 Handcuffs look tight on that one.
确实 会疼吗 They do. Did they hurt?
不会吗 Uh- uh. No?
蒙哥马利·克利夫特 Montgomery Clift.
-哇 嘿 -这是干什么 - Whoo! Hey - Hey, what is that?
-我需要光线 我要看书 -什么 我 I need it for the light. I need it to read. LARRY: The what? I'm- -
我也在看书 我都看不见了 你弄瞎了我的眼睛 I'm trying to read. I can't see. You're blinding me.
我要光线看书 Well, I need it to read. I need- -
你为什么不用顶灯呢 Why don't you use the overhead light?
就让她把窗户打开吧 Just let her keep the shade up.
我想看电影 现在满眼都是刺眼的光 I'm trying to watch a movie, all I see is glare.
他妈的活像在看收音机一样 It's like I'm watching a fucking radio right now.
我的视网膜痛死了 My retinas are burning.
你在扯淡 胡扯 This is bullshit. This is bullshit. -
谢丽尔和我想开窗帘 Cheryl and I want it open.
这是个集体的窗帘 不是她家的 It's a community shade. She doesn't own that shade.
-去你妈的 拉里 -我们投票表决 Go fuck yourself, Larr. We'll take a vote.
滚回他妈的监狱去 拉里 Go back to fucking jail, Larry.
-好吧 好吧 -我和他们一起投票 Oh, nice. That's nice. - I vote with them.
-我和他们一起投票 -这不是你家的窗户 - I vote with them. It's not your window.