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祝冬日的小伙伴们 - Happy Chris- wanza- kah Solstice
圣宽光至日快乐 for the winter spirits, everyone.
你忘了节礼日和弗洛伯特婚后的加拿大身份 You left out Boxing Day and Flobert's Canadian by marriage.
要不是大家这么宽容 - If we weren't such tolerant people,
我都要去走廊里喝蛋奶酒了 I'd be taking my nog in the hall.
接下来拆礼物 Open my gifts next.
你们为啥都不拆 Why aren't you opening?
露丝·金斯伯格的珍珠项链 - Ruth Bader Ginsburg pearls.
而且戴着出过庭的 And they're court worn.
我法学院最刻薄那帮女生的 The criminal records
犯罪记录 of the meanest mean girls in my law school.
哇塞 戴夫&巴斯特的礼品卡 - Holy cow. Dave &Buster's gift cards!
那是我最喜欢的餐馆 和商店 That's my favorite restaurant andmy favorite store.
送礼物是我的拿手好戏 Gift giving sorta my thing.
我自从2013年以来毫无败绩 I haven't given a bad one since 2013
那次是我送了表弟去参加摇滚梦夏令营 when I got my cousin that trip to rock star fantasy camp.
我怎么会知道那个地方性病猖獗 How was I supposed to know there'd be so many STDs?
至于丹的最后悬念嘛 And now for the Dan finale!
你得等等了 因为你的礼物还没寄到 It will have to wait because your gift still isn't here yet.
好了 大家去千活儿吧 So I guess we just go work.
等等 等等 我的礼物还没送呢 Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. I haven't given out my gifts.
鉴于你的本性及生活中的表现 - Well, I guess we didn't expect gifts from you,
大家应该是没想到 based on your core nature and everything you've done
你也会送礼物 in your life up to this point.
你以为你很懂是吗 Shows you what you know.
刮刮乐彩票 你不用这么客气的 - Scratch- off lottery tickets. You shouldn't have.
我猜你差一点就不客气了 And I suspect, almost didn't.
你还在背面签名了 And you signed the back,
谁会不喜欢签名呢 because who doesn't love an autograph?
签名是为了保证我能分到部分奖金 - The signature guarantees that I get a cut of the winnings.
你懂的 送的是心意 You know, it's the thought that counts,
赢了钱还是我的 and, well, I think I deserve more money.
我才不信你呢 丹 - I don't buy it, Dan.
你跟我们其他人一样 You get caught up in the holiday spirit
被这欢乐的节日气氛所感染 just like the rest of us
我猜每年的这个时候 - I suppose there is something magical
-一定存在着什么神奇之处 -你笑什么 about this time of year. - Why are you smiling?
虽然这是我想要的 但真发生时 还是有点辣眼睛 I mean, it's what I wanted, but now that it's happening, yikes!
今晚很多人的圣诞节 Tonight, a lot of people's Christmases
都会因你而毁 are gonna be ruined because of you.
我觉得这挺有趣的 And I think that's fun.
但让我说得更喜庆些 But to put it in more festive terms,
在那个圣诞节前夜 Twas the night before Christmas,
整个法庭 and all through the court,
挤满了形形色色的性工作者和抢劫犯 there were sex workers and muggers, of every odd sort.
酒吧里充斥着喝得烂醉的圣诞老人 扒手和流浪汉 There were pub- crawling Santas and pickpockets and drifters,
两个愤怒礼物交换者 发生了一场激烈的刀战 and a pretty tough knife- fight between two angry re- gifters.
那个爱过圣诞节的那个法官 The festive old Judge, who just loved the season,
用残酷的事实和冷酷的理由击碎了整个夜晚 was crushed all night long by hard facts and cold reason.
她想做鲁道夫 甚至是卡通版的圣伯纳犬 She wanted to be Rudolph, or maybe a cartoon St. Bernard,
但因为职责使然 她只能一脸严肃 铁面无私 but because it's her job, she had to Grinch it real hard.
不管辩护多么完美 他们都要面临牢狱之灾 Despite a perfect defense, off to prison they'll head.
圣诞你妈的快乐 Merry Chris- wanker- whatever
让那些含糖垃圾点心去死 and all that sugary crap, she said.
瞧 他都作了一首诗 Okay. He did a whole poem.
那家伙绝对喜欢圣诞节 That guy totally likes Christmas!
如果一个孩子为了对付窃贼 When a kid sets a series of elaborate traps
精心设计连环陷阱 那就是《小鬼当家》 to catch burglars, it's"Home Alone. "
如果是成年人对邮差这么做 那就是《电锯惊魂》 When a grown man does it to a Postmate, it's a"Saw" movie.
入狱快乐吧 你个肮脏的畜生 Enjoy jail, ya filthy animal.
我小时候 反着玩过《小鬼当家》 - When I was a kid, I reverse Home Alone'd.
我离开了自己的家入 去了法国 I left my family and went to France.
太让我失望了 前三个人竟然都是一套 That's disappointing. The last three guys pulled off
“法官大人 今天是圣诞节的”说辞 the old, "But Your Honor, it's Christmas. "
抱歉没按你的诗走 丹 - Sorry to ruin your poem, Dan,
但我完全没觉得被烦到 but this isn't bothering me at all.
你应该把押韵改成这样 Your rhyme should have gone something like
那是个圣诞前夜 ™Twas the night before Christmas,
丹是个混蛋 他在工作 and Dan was a jerk...at work. "
没人能当场想出那么多韵脚的 There's no way you came up with all that on the spot.
TVOZUUVv VLVVU
政府诉泰丝·波特一案 The People vs. Tess Potter.
被告被控扰乱治安 The defendant is charged with disturbing the peace.
她试图在商场煽动反对圣诞老人的起义 She tried to lead an uprising against a mall Santa
就因为他们休息时间太长 she accused of taking too many breaks.
法官大人 波特小姐和她女儿 Your Honor, Miss Potter and her daughter
排了三个小时的队 were standing in line for three hours
等着看圣诞老人一眼 waiting to see Mr. Kringle.
对了 我有提过她女儿小脸红的像苹果吗 Oh, did I mention that her daughter has rosy cheeks
说话带着可爱的口齿不清 and an adorable lisp?
这是她第一次过圣诞节 And this is her first Christmas...
补充 在离婚后 since the divorce.
反对 卖萌 Objection. Pandewing.
我很同情你 但我认为 - I sympathize, but I'm not sure
闯进圣诞老人的小房子 that the best way to capture the holiday spirit
逼他回去继续工作 is to"bust into Santa's dumb little house
不是一种积极向上的过节方式 and drag his fat ass back to work. "
她不知道圣诞老人的小房子 She did not know that Santa's little house
也是他的浴室 was also his bathroom.
我带她见圣诞老人 - I needed her to meet Santa
是想知道她想要什么圣诞礼物 so I could find out what she wants for Christmas.
因为她觉得告诉别人就不灵了 She thinks if she tells anyone else, it won't come true.
那是吹生日蜡烛的时候 Those are birthday candle rules.
都是她老爹告诉她的 目的是为了搞我 - Her father told her that's how it worked,
然后人家带着新女友和她父母去卡波度假了 to screw with me before he left for Cabo with his new girlfriend
对了 她父母与我同龄 and her parents who are my age.
我知道你过得很艰难 - I know you're having a hard time,
但你也给一群孩子造成了阴影 but you also traumatized a group of kids
包括那个派发橙汁的男生 and the free sample guy from Orange Julius.
-所以 罚款500美元 -但是 法官大人 So$500 fine. But, Your Honor...
来了来了 ·Here it comes!
今天是圣诞节啊 ...it's Christmas.
在我妈庭审回来前 - Aren't you supposed to be watching me
你都该照看我的吧 until my mom gets back from processing?
你没事的 我得不停刷新手机 - You're good. I got to keep refreshing.
我送礼达人的名头要保不住了 My perfect gift streak is in jeopardy,
因为丹的礼物还没收到 because Dan's present still hasn't shown up.
你给他买了什么 - What did you get him?
他的偶像卡里姆·阿卜杜勒·贾巴尔发来的视频问候 - A video message from his hero, Kareem Abdul- Jabbar.
也就还行吧 I guess that's okay.
老葛 我需要你帮个忙 Gurgs? I need a favor.
这是后面一个案子的证人 This is a witness in a case later.
她以为自己是《圣诞礼物的幽灵》 She thinks she's the Ghost of Christmas Present,
我得找人盯着她 and I got to keep an eye on her.
直到你领悟圣诞节的真谛 - Until you appreciate the true meaning of Christmasl
直到找人给他做完心理评估之前 - Until I can get her a psych evaluation.
-你能帮忙照看一下吗 -我爱莫能助 Can you watch her for me? - I'd love to,
我得照看弗吉妮娅 but I've got to watch Virginia.
当然 咱俩也可以换换 I mean, I guess we could trade.
孩子还是妄想幽灵 Kid or delusional ghost?
走吧 穿浴袍的 Let's go, bathrobe.
那孩子真可怜 平安夜被困在这儿 That kid's stuck here on Christmas Eve?
真希望我能做点什么 Oh, I wish there was something I could do.
先别着急难过 你这样想 - You know, before you feel too bad, just know that her dad
她爸肯定会梳着玉米辫从卡波回来的 is definitely coming back from Cabo with cornrows.
这一点她不会怪你的 She can't blame you for that.
抱歉 丹 我可听不进去 ABBY Sorry, Dan. I wasn't listening.
我得去拯救圣诞节了 I gotta go save Christmas.
嘿 我觉得你梳玉米辫应该挺好看 Hey. I think you could pull off cornrows.
嘿 你又不是我好朋友 - Hey, you re not a good friend.
波特小姐 Miss Potter.
我应该能拿到你女儿的圣诞清单 I think I can get your daughter's Christmas list.
真是个圣诞奇迹 Oh, it's a Christmas miracle.
拿到她的圣诞清单 还可以免除我的罚款 Getting her list and waiving my fine?
我总得问问吧 It was worth a shot.
我正要去失物招领处找找婚戒 I'm gonna go check the lost and found for wedding rings,
这些东西显然已经没那么重要了 cause apparently those things don't mean anything any more.
-你好 弗吉尼亚 我是艾比 -很高兴认识你 - Hi, Virginia. I'm Abby. - Nice to meet you.
并没有口齿不清 Hmm. No lisp.
这个丹 Dan!
很抱歉你没能见到圣诞老人 I'm really sorry that you didn't'get to talk to Santa,
但我可能是次佳人选 but I might be the next best thing.
你是小精灵吗 You're an elf?
我不是精灵 No, I'm I'm not an elf,
那你为什么这么袖珍 像我的钥匙链一样 Then why are you tiny and look like my keychain?
我是法官 我跟圣诞老人是老交情了 - I'm a judge, and I got Santa Claus connections,
你有什么要我交给他的吗 so is there anything that you'd like me to give to him?
-比如说信之类的 -我刚在餐厅看到他 Maybe a letter? - I already gave him my letter
-已经把信给他了 -真聪明 when I saw him in the cafeteria. Oh, that's smart.
咱们去看看他有没有处理 Let's go see if he has any follow- ups.
这里还真是一派祥和啊 Here's a room full of holiday spirit.
那里面似乎主要是伏特加 And that spirit appears to be mostly vodka.
好吧 弗吉妮娅 AlI right, Virginia.
你把信给哪一位圣诞老人了 Which one of these Santas did you give your letter to?
那个在桌上打盹的 Is it that one taking a table nap,
还是躺在地上的那个 or that one all cozied up on the ground?
怎么一下多了这么多圣诞老人 Where did all these Santas come from?
每年 城里的酒鬼都会聚在一起 - Well, every year, the city's drunks gather together
参加名为“圣诞老人大会”的金酒狂欢派对 for a gin- soaked freak fest known as SantaCon.
她还太小 应该没听过”圣诞老人大会“ - Maybe she's too young to learn about SantaCon.
也对 Fair enough.
弗吉妮娅 这些人都是圣诞老人的替身 Virginia, these are Santa's body doubles.
你熟悉萨达姆·侯赛因吗 Are you familiar with Saddam Hussein?
我有个主意 - I got an idea.
不如你带弗吉妮娅去别的地方 Why don't you take Virginia somewhere else
我去找真正的圣诞老人 and I'll track down the real Santa?
这肯定比在糖果工厂里 This is gonna be harder than that"Where's Waldo? "
找出沃尔多还要难 when he went to the candy cane factory.
左下角 Bottom left corner!
瞧 Behold!
那边的女人在这个欢乐时刻给亲人发短信 That woman texting loved ones at this joyous time of year.
你是不是也该放放工作狂的作风了 Kind of makes you want to change your miserly ways, huh? !
知道吗 You know
无意冒犯 但你根本不像幽灵 don't take this the wrong way, but you're not much of a ghost.
你只不过是把房间里 You're just looking around the room
大家的活动一一复述 and telling me things that are happening.
我在圣诞这一天 - In the Christmas present,
会带你找到属于自己的圣诞顿悟 nudging you towards your Christmas epiphany.
以下就是我的顿悟 你之所以出现在这里 Here's my epiphany You're only here
因为你目睹了一个偷窥狂 because you witnessed a peeping tom
蹲在防火梯上偷窥他的前女友 spying on his ex- girlfriend from a fire escape.
我本来也在上面的 - I would have been up there, too,
但我的火鸡腿掉下来了 but I dropped my turkey leg.
瞧啊 又有个人在打电话了 Oh, beholdl Another person on their phone!
-我得去喝点水 -我跟你一起去 - I need some water. - I'll go with you.
我得去洗洗我的火鸡腿 I have to wash my turkey leg.
你都成幽灵了 还担心细菌吗 - Why would you care about germs if you're a ghost? !
你们网站显示 我的卡里姆视频已到货 - Your website said my Kareem video would be here by now.
请问我为什么还没收到 What could be possibly be the hold...up?
我再打给你 贾巴尔先生 Ooh, uh, let me call you back. Mr. Abdul- Jabbar.
-原来来的是实物啊 -你是老葛吧 You're not a video. - You're Gurgs, right?
我被你对你朋友的描述感动了 I was so moved by what you wrote about your friend,
我决定为这位“人间天使“ I decided to give this"angel on earth"
送一份最好的礼物 the best present ever-
我自己 me.
哇 你礼物的逼格一下子高了 Wow. Now your gift is going to be way better!
卡里姆 求你帮帮忙 - Kareem, would you be a lamb
把天花板上的彩带弄直好吗直 and straighten that ceiling tinsel?
没问题 On it.
弗吉尼亚 我们出大事了 - Virginia, we are capital- F Fudged.
-丹不会喜欢这个的 -为什么 Dan's gonna hate this. - Why?
你不说他很喜欢卡里姆吗 You said he loves Kareem.
对 只是隔着屏幕的喜欢 不是当面见到 Yeah, on a tiny screen, not in person.
丹讨厌人类 Dan hates people.
所以我录视频的主意再完美不过了 That's why my video was perfect.
一位依然在世的传奇人物 Dan would get to hold a living legend
会出现在他的掌心 他可以像上帝一样决定 in the palm of his hand, mute and unmute
要不要给这个庞然大物静音 this titan at will, like a God.
这就是丹的乐趣所在 That's how Dan gets his kicks.
并不是亲眼看到比他优秀的高富帅 Not by meeting somebody richer and taller than him!
所以你是让我搜查一屋子 So, the deal is I help you pat down a roomful
酩酊大醉的圣诞老人 找到这孩子的圣诞清单 of over- served Santas looking for some kid's Christmas list.
而于我而言 一点回报都没有吗 And to sweeten the deal, I get nothing in return?
你可以把这张彩票拿回去 - Well, you could get this ticket back.
天 这种彩票我家有一堆 Ooh! I've got a bag full of tickets.
莱尼 可以让我们单独聊聊吗 Lenny, can we have the hall?
没错 你家确实不缺彩票 You're right. You do have a lot of tickets.
但那些彩票上有 Do any of them have...
两个李子 Double plums!
对啊 没错 Yeah, that's right.
看来这张彩票的赢面很大 Looks like we're on our way to a real nice ticket here.
要是出了什么事 那就太可惜了 Be a damn shame if something were to happen to it.
什么 Wh- -
搞毛线啊 你给我听着 Abracadabra Stone, you look at me.
这可是两个李子耶 再来一个就是一百万奖金了 Double plums that's one plum away from $1 million.
大奖可以是我们的 你的和我的 Could be ours, Abby...yours and mine.
帮我拯救小女孩的圣诞节 Help me save this little girl's Christmas,
彩票就归你 and the ticket's yours.
要是敢拒绝 我就烤了你的李子 Refuse, and I roast your plums.
你看着像是见利忘圣诞节的人吗 Do I look like someone who loves money more than Christmas?
不是 这让我恶心 - No. It disgusts me.
你今晚有收到小女孩的信吗 AlI right. Did a letter girl give you a letter tonight?
这是我有史以来 最烂的一次约会 This is the worst date I've ever been on.
你爸看着还挺酷 Your dad seems cool.
里面大多都是毒品 - I think most of this is drugs.
就算是 也是精灵瞒着我放进去的 - If it is, the elves put em in there without my knowledge.
我知道自己身材魁梧 我知道自己胡子茂盛 - Yes, I am a man of size. Yes, I have a lush beard.
但也不用每次我穿上 Must I therefore be accosted
这身最爱的运动装 就有人纷纷来搭讪吧 every time I wear my favorite athleisure suit?
至少你有饼干吃 At least you get cookies.
但我要的是尊重 - What I want is some damn respect!
想和圣诞老人聊聊吗 规矩你懂的 - If you wanna talk to Santa, you know what you have to do.
你有没有收到那封信 Do you have the letter or not?
没有 I do not.
这也太蠢了 This is stupid.
照这么下去绝对是死胡同 We're not gonna get anywhere like this.
这里还剩30多个圣诞老人呢 There are like 30 Santas left in here.
跳过脸上有纹身的呢 - We could skip the ones with the face tattoos.
行吧 那还剩下26个圣诞老人 Oh, fine. There are 26 Santas left in here.
-坏孩子 -什么鬼 - Naughty! - Ow! What the hell was
坏孩子 坏孩子 Naughty. Naughty.
-好孩子 -嘿 Nice. Hey!
坏孩子 Naughty.
弗吉尼亚也有这种精灵钥匙链 Virginia had one of these elf keychains.
那个圣诞老人一定就是他 He must be her Santa.
对 他的钥匙链看着像 Yeah, his keychain looks just like
我不是精灵 I'm not an elfl
没甜头我是不会开口的 *Iwon't talk until I get some*
没甜头我是不会开口的 *I won't talk until I get some*
没甜头我是不会开口的 *No, I won't talk until I get some*
所以给我再来点啤酒 * So give me more beer*
快回答 Just answer the question.
你有收到一个小女孩的信吗 Did you get a letter from a little girl?
收到了呀 但跟你有什么关系 Yeah, I got a letter. But why would it help you?
你是那个认定我有罪的人 You're the lady who found me guilty.
-我要律师 -我就是你的律师 I want my lawyer. - I am your lawyer.
-要是我们把这个给你呢 -嘿 我去 俩李子呢 What if we gave you this? - Holy crap. Two plums.
嘿 那是我的李子 Hey, those are my plums.
行吧 彩票换那封信 AII right, fine. The ticket for the letter.
给你 拿着吧 Here, take it.
知道吗 这其实不重要 You know what? It really doesn't matter.
如果真的中奖 我还是能分走一半 If it's a winner, I still get half.
这个设计太完美了 It's a perfect system.
等等 这不是一个小女孩写的信 Wait. This isn't a letter from a little girl.
这是一个叫“小女孩“的脱衣舞俱乐部的关门令 It's a cease and desist from a strip club called "Litty Girls. "
倒霉 精灵鞋 Ah! Elf shoe? l
我真谢谢你了 Thanks for nothing!
-不听话 不听话 -嘿 Naughty. Naughty. Hey, hey, hey!
愿你被堵在烟囱里 I hope you get stuck in a chimney!
行吧 这条线索断了 AII right, well, so much for that.
丹 Dan? - Huh?
我觉得我有办法 - I think I figured out a way
拿到弗吉妮娅的圣诞愿望清单了 that we can get Virginia's Christmas list.
真棒 虽然我很乐意帮你 Oh, great. You know what? I'd love to help you,
但今天是平安夜 but it is Christmas Eve,
我跟我空荡荡的公寓有约了 and I have a date with my empty apartment.
我不知还要把卡里姆·阿卜杜尔·贾巴尔藏到哪儿去 - I'm running out of places to hide Kareem Abdul- Jabbar.
他见不到丹·菲尔丁是不会走的 He's not gonna leave until he meets Dan Fielding,
所以你得来扮演丹·菲尔丁 so I need you to be Dan Fielding.
没问题 我了解丹 - No problem. I know Dan.
他的每个举止 和面部表情 Every mannerism, every facial tick.
我可以扮成丹·菲尔丁 I will become Dan Fielding.
丹不在里面 我问过所有人了 - Dan wasn't in there. I asked everyone.
贾巴尔先生 我想给你介绍一个人 Um, Mr. Abdul- Jabbar, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
我是默里·弗洛伯特 I'm Murray Flobert.
你觉得我现在学篮球会不会太晚 Do you think it's too late for me to learn basketball?
等等 我不该自爆名字的 Wait. I wasn't supposed to say my name.
行吧 祝你好运 老葛 Oh, well. Good luck with your play, Gurgs.
你帮我打开了思路 You're making me rethink everything.
也许是我太依赖 Maybe I do rely too much on
《过去和未来的圣诞幽灵》了 the Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future.
我是不是个大坏人 Am I the worst one? !
抱歉我无法回到过去 Sorry I don't travel back in time.
抱歉我没法把一个老人放进自己的坟墓 Sorry I can't throw an old man in his own grave!
失陪下 Excuse me.
我先离开一会儿 I'm just gonna escape for a second.
你今晚过得怎么样 老葛 呃 问我吗 How's your night going, Gurgs? Oh, mine?
我戳穿了一个幽灵 说她没有魔力 Oh, I've thrown a ghost into an existential crisis
她现在陷入了生存危机 by pointing out that she is not magic.
哦 我知道那种感觉 - Hey, I know what that's like.
我有时候觉得自己在球场上干啥都行 Sometimes it felt like it didn't matter what I did
人人都爱魔术师 on the court, everybody loved Magic.
看来我们有很多共同点喽 贾巴尔 - I guess we have a lot in common, Kareem Abdul- Jabbar.
叮叮当 叮叮当 Jingle bell, jingle bell...
鱿鱼 squid.
这些图案都是谁选的 Who chooses these images?
丹 快看我 - Hey, Dan, check me out.
这会助我拿到弗吉妮娅的圣诞清单 This is how I'm gonna get Virginia's Christmas list.
嗨 有人要精神科诊断吗 Hi, someone call for a psych consult?
不需要诊断了 The consult is no longer necessary.
你可以直接把她带走 You can just take her away.
行吧 所以你这身中了邪的打扮 - So, how is this cry for help
怎么就能找到那个女孩的圣诞清单呢 going to get you the girl's Christmas list?
弗吉尼亚已经把我当精灵了 所以 Virginia already thinks I'm an elf, so
因为你爱吃饼干 还喜欢拿个小锤子 Because you love cookies and use a tiny hammer
坐在台上工作吗 and work on a bench?
好吧 也许我确实有不少精灵特质 - Yeah, I guess I do have a lot of elf qualities.
更别提你的身高了 - Not to mention your height.
我的身高是平均水平好吧 My height is completely average.
我可以给你看看相关研究 从19世世纪开始的 I can show you studies...from the 1800s.
听着 我知道机会渺茫 但有了运气 Look, I know it's a long shot, but with a little bit of luck
和魔法的加持 and a little bit of magic.
嗬 嗬 嗬 Ho, ho, ho!
你干什么啊 What are you doing?
-我只是 -丹 丹 再做一次 Uh, I was just Dan, Dan, do that again.
再做什么 - Do what again?
你是对的 我不需要扮成小精灵 - You're right. I- I don't need to be an elf
去套她的愿望单 因为你就是圣诞老人 to get her list because you're Santa.
你跟弗吉尼亚的妈妈 Virginia was with you
在餐厅见面时 她当时也在场 when you met with her mom in the cafeteria.
如果一个小孩递给我一封信 我会不记得吗 - You don't think I'd remember a small child giving me a letter?
要是她不敢当面跟你说话 - Not if the kid was nervous to give it to the big man himself,
-塞进了你的包里呢 -包 so she put it in his sack. - Sack?
那可是科林斯皮革 That is Corinthian leather.
弗吉尼亚的信 Virginia's letter.
丹·菲尔丁 你拯救了圣诞节 Dan Fielding, you saved Christmas.
打脸了吧 啦啦啦 In your fa- - *La, la, la, la*
弗吉尼亚来了 *Virginia's here*
你就是个精灵 You are an elf!
否则你怎么能跟圣诞老人做好朋友 How else would you be best friends with Santa? !
你以为圣诞老人和精灵是朋友吗 Oh, you think Santa and the elves are friends?
圣诞老人 这位客人很特别 Santa, we have a special guest.
我们千万不能毁掉她 We wouldn't want to spoil anything for her
一年里最美好的一夜 on the most magical night of the year.
没错 我正跟我的精灵朋友纳吉说起 Yes, I was just telling my little elf friend here, Naggy,
你今年的表现有多棒 what a good girl you've been.
纳吉 你给我们展示一下 Naggy, why don't you show us
你最拿手的精灵舞吧 that elf dance you're so famous for?
我可以跳 但是没有音乐啊 - Well, I would love to, but I can't dance without music.
不如你来给大家唱一首你最爱的圣诞歌吧 So, Santa, why don't you sing us your favorite Christmas song?
嗬 嗬 A ho, ho.
PRY 这首歌的旋律跟 Well, it's gonna sound a lot like
冠军乐队的《龙舌兰》很像 the song"Tequila”by The Champs.
5 6 7 8 5, 6, 7, 8.
-圣诞节 -圣诞节 *Christmas! **Christmas! *
妈妈 这是最棒的圣诞节 - Mom, this is the best Christmas ever!
我见到了圣诞老人 还见到了一个19次的NBA全明星 I met Santa and a 19- time NBA All- Star!
你爸的新女友骑着水上摩托翻车了 - And your dad's new girlfriend got flipped on a Jet Ski!
真是圣诞大快乐 Merry Christmas, everyonel
你找到我的鬼鬼了吗 Did you find my ghost?
没 你找到我的卡里姆·阿卜杜尔·贾巴尔了吗 - No, did you find my Kareem Abdul- Jabbar?
没 No.
打扰下 摩尔小姐 - Uh, excuse me, Miss Moore?
我是来评估你拘留的证人的 I'm here to evaluate the witness you have in custody.
天啊 这下要填一堆文件了 Oh, this is gonna be so much paperwork.
早知道我就该看那孩子了 I should have just watched the kid.
孩子也没那么糟 Kids aren't so bad.
顿悟 Epiphany!
你在这后面干什么 - What are you doing back there?
我的火鸡腿掉了 我再说一遍 顿悟 - I dropped my turkey leg, and I repeat, epiphany.
哦 对对 幽灵 Oh, yes, Spirit.
你 你改变了我的生活 You You have changed my ways.
全凭我一己之力改变的 我看其他鬼还有什么好说的 - And I did it all by myself! Screw you, other ghosts.
来吧 医生 我法力无边 Come on, Doc. I'm on a roll.
准备好惊爆眼球吧 Get ready to hear about some stuff that is happening
抱歉 我刚在教弗洛伯特怎么运球 - Sorry. I was teaching Flobert how to dribble.
卡里姆 你是全世界最有趣的人 Uh, Kareem, you are the most interesting person alive,
我应该把真相告诉你 and you deserve to know the truth.
我永远也不会跟丹·菲尔丁见面 - I'm never going to meet Dan Fielding.
这我知道 可你是怎么知道的 - I know that. How do you know that?
不 我是说我拒绝见那个人 No, I mean I refuse to meet that man.
我听说 他只送能给他带来收益的礼物 I heard he only gives gifts that make him money.
他女儿还偷了擦鞋匠的精灵服 And his daughter stole the shoe- shine guy's elf costume.
卡里姆 这和丹无关 - Kareem, this isn't about Dan.
是为了让我保住送礼达人的名头 It's about my perfect gift streak.
所以你们都很自私 So, you're all selfish.
要知道 传球越多 得分就越多 You know, the more you pass the ball, the more you score.
-是真的吗 -天呐 当然不是 - Is that true? - Oh, God, no,
但反正这里其他人都在撒谎 but everyone else around here is lying.
-平安夜 -法庭 *Silent night*Court.
-神圣的夜晚 -法庭 *Holy night*Court.
一切都很平静 一切都很光明 *AII is calm, all is bright* ABBY"STONE
法庭 *Court*
好了 你们唱歌没问题 Okay, okay. You can clearly sing.
但不能在公园内赤身裸体 What you can't do is be naked in the park
你们又不是马 unless you're a horse.
把他们带下去 Take them away.
要我说 有些马真该穿上裤子 - If you ask me, some of those horses should be wearing pants.
丹 Dan? - Hmm?
我知道你还在等我的礼物 - I know you're still waiting for my incredible gift.
但我必须告诉你 我什么都没给你准备 But I just have to tell you...I got you nothing.
什么都没有吗 Nothing? Nothing at all?
哦 老葛 Oh, G- -
对不起 Sorry.
我都有点哽咽了 I was getting a little choked up.
因为对你来说 最完美的礼物就是啥都不送 - Because for you, the perfect gift is nothing.
这样你就不需要向任何人道谢 Oh! Now you don't have to thank anybody
或是收到任何讨厌的东西 还欠别人人情了 or owe anybody or any of that stuff you hate.
你太懂我了 I feel seen.
依然是送礼达人 Streak's still alive.
律师 请上前来 Counsel. Please approach the bench.
你这个大暖男 You big softy.
我看见你和弗吉妮娅在餐厅吃饼干了 I saw you having cookies in the cafeteria with Virginia.
是啊 吃得很愉快 她付的钱 Oh, yeah, well, it was delightful. She paid.
你把清单给她妈妈了吗 Did you get the list to her mother?
给了 她想要公主床单 - I did. She wants princess sheets
还想要父母重归于好 and her mom and dad to get back together.
我觉得她应该会收到床单 So I think she's getting sheets.
今晚的最后一个案子 - Last case of the night-
检方诉卡里姆·阿卜杜勒·贾巴尔一案 the People vs. Kareem Abdul- Jabbar,
法官大人 阿卜杜勒－贾巴尔先生及其同伙 - Your Honor, Mr. Abdul- Jabbar and his accomplice
被发现偷偷摸摸地躲在帕特里克·尤因的消防梯上 were caught lurking on Patrick Ewing's fire escape.
让我来应付 卡里姆 - Let me do the talking, Kareem.
你好啊 我是你的粉丝 - How's it going? Big fan、