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法律明确规定 任何人都不得拒绝 The law clearly stipulates that no person
支付已提供的服务的费用 shall withhold payment for services rendered.
同意 但发型能剪成这个样子 Agreed, but when a haircut is this bad.
他付出的还不够多吗 ...hasn't he already paid enough?
无罪 但我强烈建议你居家 Not guilty, but I will recommend house arrest
三到四周 再戴一个巨大的帽子 for three to four weeks- and a really big hat.
我懂你的心情 有次我要求剪雷切尔发型 I feel your pain. One time, I asked for"the Rachel. "
雷切尔发型《老友记》中主角雷切尔·格林同款发型
从那以后我知道了 得强调是姓马多的那个同款发型 Now I know to specify"Maddow. "
雷切尔·马多 美国电视主持人 恰好与前者同名不同姓
噢 这是我们今晚的最后一个案子了吗 Oh, so that's our last case of the night?
没错 又可以早下班了 多亏了怀亚特 Yep! Another early one, all thanks to Wyatt.
我做DJ的时候学到的 Yeah, I learned from my DJ days
歌单顺序很重要 it's all about the setlist.
先用有关动物的案子开场 You set the tone with animal cases up top,
然后用醉酒和扰乱治安案活跃气氛 get things moving with the drunk and disorderlies,
最后进入高潮 and then we build to the drop- -
抢劫 抢劫 抢劫 抢劫 muggings, muggings, muggings, muggings,
抢劫 抢劫 抢劫 muggings, muggings, muggings!
公共场合性行为 Ah- ah- ah! Sex in public!
变态们举起双手来 Where my pervs at? !
老葛 你说呢 Gurgs, what do you think?
是直接回你家 还是再来一次风景观光游 Go straight home to your place or take the scenic route again?
凌晨三点在纽约 3: 00 a. m. New York City.
还不如说是 来次犯罪观光游 不是吗 That's more of the...crime scenic route, right?
说风景 其实她想说海底尼克 By"scenic, "she means"Sea Nick's",
scenic和Sea Nick's发音相似
全纽约唯一一家水下主题的 New York's only underwater- themed
男脱衣舞夜店 male strip club.
所有脱衣舞者都叫尼克 All the dancers are named Nick.
他们只招那些不叫尼克的 They'll hire you if your name isn't Nick.
只是我道听途说的 So I've heard.
-你俩现在住一块了 -我住在老葛家 So you two are living together? - I'm staying with Gurgs
因为我公寓里发生了一起谋杀案 because there was a murder in my building.
你敢信有个犯罪案件播客主持人 You would not believe what a true- crime podcaster
她居然付钱转租我的公寓房间 is paying to sublet my place.
我正在打扫呢 I am cleaning up!
显然凶手也这么干了 Which the killer also did,
因为现在什么线索都没找到 because they have found no clues.
让她们住一起是我出的主意 Them living together was my idea.
她俩就像伯特和厄尼 只不过她们没有 They're like Bert and Ernie except without
伯特和厄尼 两个布偶角色 一起出现在儿童节目《芝麻街》仲
那么显而易见的性张力罢了 the palpable sexual tension.
说到这个 法官 旁听席有个帅哥 Speaking of, Judge, there's a cutie in the gallery
整晚都在打量你呢 who's been checking you out all night.
-真的假的 你确定 -千真万确 ·Really? You sure? - Definitely.
真的很明显 因为大部分人 And it really stands out because most people
根本不会看你一眼 don't pay you any attention at all.
昨晚我数了一下看你的 零个 Last night, I counted zero.
我是说 你可能会觉得 就算是不小心 I mean, you would think that, even accidentally,
-也有人会瞥 -好了 行行 行吧 someone would glance- - - Okay, yeah, yeah, fine.
懂你意思了 我去跟他聊几句 I get it. I'm gonna go talk to him.
我只需要 想到完美的开场白 I just have to...come up with the perfect line.
加油啊 大脑 你可以的 大脑 Come on, brain. Come on, brain.
有了 Ah! Got it.
冷知识 你知道 Fun fact did you know
冲动犯罪中最常见的是谋杀吗 the most common crime of passion is murder?
你好 我是艾比 Hi. I'm Abby.
冷知识 冷知识这个词 Fun fact- the term"Fun Fact"
第一次出现是在1970年代箭牌口香糖的报纸广告中 was first used in a 1970s newspaper ad for Wrigley's gum.
Wrigley 箭牌公司 一家美国糖果和口香糖公司
在说完这个后 我现在说名字还有意义吗 Is it even worth saying my name after that?
我 我叫杰克 It's- - It's Jake.
一般对话有这么开始的吗 Is this how most conversations start?
很多都这样聊死的吧 It's probably how a lot of them end.
我没怎么在这见过你啊 这是件好事 I haven't seen you around here, which is a good thing
因为这说明你不是个罪犯 'cause it means you're not a criminal.
等着明天继续再见我吧 Well, get ready to see a little bit more of me tomorrow.
金发男还真是很好得手呢 Blond guys are easy.
但你这次不太走运 明天 我有个愚蠢的 Unfortunately, tomorrow, I have this stupid
叫在工作场合中的敏感和尊重的研讨会要参加 "Sensitivity and Respect in the Workplace"seminar.
除非你想参加 不了 那太奇怪了 Unless you want to come to that. Nah. That'd be weird.
如果我不来才奇怪 因为是我主持这个会议 It'll be weirder if I don't come. I'm running it.
那应该成为你一开始说的冷知识才对 That should have been your fun fact.
我觉得你应该会挺惊喜的 But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
我主持的法庭可是很注重敏感和尊重的 I run a pretty sensitive and respectful courtroom.
不得不说 作为一家水下脱衣舞夜店 Yeah, I gotta say- - for an underwater strip club,
海底尼克的网站还真是一流啊 Sea Nick's has a top- notch website.
得了吧 那玩意会沉的 Come on. That thing would sink.
弗洛贝特 你也来参加我们的敏感度训练 Flobert? You're coming to our sensitivity training?
是啊 听上去你正需要这个训练 Yes. And with that tone, seems like you need it.
他来咯 周六丹 There he is. Satur- Dan!
你真乐意周六还在这里吗 You're happy to be here on a Saturday, huh?
难道你没那根筋吗 连什么时候事情不妙 You don't have that part of your brain that tells you
都看不出来 when things are bad? !
我知道你定义里的乐趣肯定不是参加这个研讨会 I know this seminar isn't your idea of a good time,
-但或许你能友好一点 -友好 - but maybe please be nice? - Nice?
它曾存在过 但都是过去了 它已经消失30年了 That ship has sailed, sunk, and hasn't been found in 30 years.
话说回来 你为什么突然那么在意我的言行了 Why do you care how I act, anyway?
周六快乐 Happy Saturday.
要是第一个看到的是你就好了 Not if I see you first!
我懂了 你喜欢他 I get it. You like that guy.
闭嘴吧 我才没有 你觉得他喜欢我吗 Shut up. No, I don't. Do you think he likes me?
还有 你觉得他会喜欢早午餐吗 Also, do you think he likes brunch?
因为我预订好了座位 只希望这会议能早点结束 Because I made reservations hoping we finish early.
好极了 我们想的一样 Oh, good. So we want the same thing.
一起分享班尼迪克蛋 To go splitsies on eggs Benedict
还有有巧克力碎的松饼 甜咸都有 and chocolate- chip pancakes, get a little sweet, a little salty?
不 我指的是都想让这会议快点结束 No. For this to be over quickly.
不如这样吧 研讨会我们也分着来 But you know what? Yeah, I'll go splitsies on the seminar.
我懂 没人想周六还来这里参加研讨会 I know. No one wants to be here on a Saturday.
就我而言 我宁愿去徒步 Personally, I'd rather be hiking.
你会和妻子还是女朋友一起去 And would you be doing that with a wife or a girlfriend.
还是你升着没有门的吉普车自己去 or just you in your doorless Jeep
带着你领养来的戴着围巾的德牧 with a German Shepherd rescue who wears a bandana?
幸亏你在研讨会讲性骚扰之前 It's a good idea you bring this up
先提了这个 before the sexual- harassment part of the seminar.
丹 你不看可以 有人还想看他们有没有找到尼莫 Dan, some of us would like to know if they find Nemo.
尼莫 动画片《海底总动员》中的角色 一条小丑鱼 意外被潜水员捉走
行吧 你自己拿着吧 Okay. You hold it, then.
我保证这很快就可以结束 I promise this will be quick.
我们只需要讨论完 这个 We just need to get through...this.
开玩笑的 你们能想象我们讨论这么多吗 I'm kidding. Can you imagine?
因为它比普通的活页夹大太多了 Cause it's so much bigger than a regular binder!
我知道她不想孤独终老 但是搞这样 真的吗 I know she doesn't want to die alone, but come on.
我们从一个假设场景开始吧 Let's start with a hypothetical.
你和两名同事一起出去玩 You're hanging out with two co- workers
他们发生了争吵 其中一个哭着离开了 when they get into an argument and one of them leaves crying.
-你会怎么做 -好问题 杰克 What do you do? - Great question, Jake.
要是我看到一位伤心的同事 When I see an upset co- worker,
我有一套办法 它是按温暖程度分级的 I follow a triage method based on warmth.
第一级别是温暖的安慰 第二是温暖的抱抱 First level is warm words. Next is a warm hug.
最高级别是温暖饼干 它们会让你由内而外感觉被治愈了 Code red is warm cookies. Those hug you from the inside.
这就是没人愿意看你的原因 This is why no one looks at you.
抱歉 但是姓名牌蠢到家了先生 Sorry, Mister"Name Tags Are Stupid. "
你认为不同的处理方法是 You'd handle this differently?
首先 我根本就不会 First of all, I wouldn't be"hanging out"
和任何同事一起出去玩 如果我真的得去 with any co- workers, and if I found myself
那我会假装心脏病犯了 in that situation, I would fake a heart attack.
要是隔天他们问我好些了没 And when they ask me the next day if I was feeling better,
我会假装心脏病又犯了 这样就不用回答了 instead of answering, I would fake another heart attack.
事实上 边界很重要 Actually, boundaries are important.
-回答得很完美 -那有点意思了 That is a perfect answer. - That's fun.
同一个假设情景中 两个回答居然都是对的 Two people can be right on the same hypothetical.
不 你的回答是错的 No. Yours was wrong.
他更喜欢我的回答 一点也不喜欢你的 He liked mine better, yours not at all.
当员工们清楚区分他们的工作 We find when employees keep their work
和个人生活时 and personal lives separate,
工作场所变得更高效了 it makes for a more productive workplace.
但是在这里 我们更喜欢模糊个人生活和工作之间的边界 Well, here, we like to blend the personal and work.
你可以管这叫工人生活 You can call it"wersonal"
或者叫人作 or you can call it"pork. "
两个叫法都挺糟糕的 Both are equally bad.
重点是 The important thing is,
我们能感到是受到重视和赞赏的 we all feel valued and appreciated.
我还以为那哼声是我脑子里的 没哼出声呢 Oh, I thought that snort was in my head.
怀亚特 你是想说点什么吗 Wyatt, is there something you'd like to say?
只是一声哼声罢了 又不一定非得代表什么 It's just a snort. There doesn't have to be something behind it.
在我工作中 听到一声哼声的时候 Well, in my line of work, when you hear a snort,
往往就代表有点想说的 there's a story to report.
根本没有这种说法 There's no way that's a saying.
有的 我在马克杯上看到过 No, it is. I saw it on a mug.
作为在敏感这个话题中回答得最好的 As someone who's winning at sensitivity,
我觉得听听他想说什么很重要 I think it's important to hear what he has to say.
好吧 Okay.
你从不说谢谢 这让我有点反感 It bothers me that you never say"thank you. "
我还以为你们也会发出这种声音的 I thought we all were gonna make that noise.
我只是觉得 对一个成年人来说 说一句谢谢 I just don't think it's too much to expect a grown man
不是什么很难的事 to say"thank you. "
我们还真是不在同一个频道上啊 We're really not on the same page here.
丹 你怎么看怀亚特对你的评价 Dan, how do you feel about Wyatt's comment?
没事 我的同事既然对这个反应这么强烈 It's fine. My co- worker feels strongly,
我会竭我所能 and I will do everything in my power
感谢他的 to demonstrate my gratitude.
我会 I will. ...
仁慈地杀了他 kill him with kindness.
怎么样 完全解决了 See? Totally resolved.
不如我们聊一点有趣的情景假设吧 Maybe we should get back to those fun hypotheticals.
我有一个真的情景假设 I have a hypothetical that's real.
某位同事 我让她和我一起住 There's a certain co- worker who I let live with me
她却喝光了我最爱的咖啡伴侣 who drank all my favorite coffee creamer!
那你还跟我说当自己家一样就好 You told me to make myself at home.
那只是客气话 你还当真了 That's just something people say. You're not supposed to do it!
什么 你们俩住在一起 I'm sorry. You two are living together?
噢 对 是 等等 Oh, yeah. It was, uh- - Wait, wait,
是某人出的主意 就在这房间里的某个人 it was somebody's idea, somebody in this room,
一位法官 但是 a judge, but.
是哪一位呢 which one?
现在你们倒是同频了 And now we work as a team?
哇 槽点太多都不知道从哪里说起了 Wow. There is a lot going on here.
这要花的时间比我预想中的要久了 This is gonna take longer than I thought.
好吧 如果你们今天有什么计划的话 Okay, well, if you had any plans today,
只能取消了 马上 I would cancel them- now.
抱 抱歉 I- I am so sorry.
我 我不知道会出现一条鲨鱼啊 I- I did not know there was going to be a shark.
杰克 没想到还能在这看到你 Jake? Didn't expect to see you here.
我 我还以为敏感度训练一次就结束了 I- I thought sensitivity training was a one- time thing.
呃 我的上司问我训练怎么样 我哼了一声 Well, when my supervisor asked how it went, I snorted.
哼了一声 你就得写一份报告了 Oh, when you snort, you have to write a report!
没错 那天我本来是要和我的狗一起徒步去的 Yep. On the day I was supposed to go hiking with my dog.
我还刚拆掉我吉普车的门 And I just had the doors taken off my Jeep.
听着 一切都会没事的 Listen. Everything's fine.
我是说 周六那天我们表现确实不好 I mean, sure, we weren't great on Saturday,
那是因为有些人饿着想吃巧克力碎松饼 but some of us were hungry for chocolate- chip pancakes.
我懂 如果你需要一些指点的话 I get it. If you want some pointers,
我发明了微笑拒绝 I am the guy that invented "Smile and Decline. "
这是人事认可的一种方法 可以避免尴尬的局面 It's an HR- approved way to avoid uncomfortable situations.
假装邀请我去做点什么 Invite me to do something.
你想买克利夫兰的分时度假权吗 How would you like to purchase a timeshare in Cleveland?
分时度假 指一个人在每年的特定时期对某个度假资产所拥有的使用权
它可是全国最大的有黄色墙纸的中心 It's the nation's largest hub for yellow wallpaper.
这可不是假设情景 This is not a hypothetical.
你会想通的 大家最后都会想通的 You'll come around. They all come around.
法官 准备好了 Your Honor, we re ready to go.
准备好看我们人作吧 Get ready to watch us"pork. "
此处pork还是可以融合的personal和work 原意是指猪肉
别把我刚说的写下来 Please don't write that down.
怀亚特 在我们开始之前 我想说 Uh, Wyatt, before we begin, I just wanted to say
你那天说的我认真听了 that I took to heart what you said the other day,
我学会了怎么用135种语言表达感谢之情 and I've learned to show my appreciation in 135 languages.
法语 非常感谢 French- - merci beaucoup.
萨摩亚语 谢谢 Samoan- - fa'afetai.
精灵语 谢谢 Elvish- guren glassui.
Elvish《魔戒》中的一种虚拟语言
猫王语 Elvis- ish- -
Elvis此处指猫王埃尔维斯 美国摇滚乐男歌手
谢谢 太感谢了 Thank you. Thank you very much.
-我知道你想干嘛 -我还给你准备了这张卡片 I see what you're doing. I also got you this card.
谢谢 太感谢了 Thank you. Thank you very much.
真是暖心的举动啊 What a heartwarming display
又一件在艾比·斯通的法庭上解决的事情 Another issue resolved in Abby Stone's court.
怀亚特 说下案子 Wyatt, case? ABE
公诉亚瑟和莱拉·道尔夫妇 The People vs. Arthur and Layla Doyle.
他们被指控有击经同意的接触 They are charged with unwanted touching.
法官 这完全是个误会 Your Honor, this is a mistake.
我的委托人只是在通过提供免费样品 My clients were merely promoting their small business
来推广他们自己的小型业务 by providing free samples.
他们的业务具体是什么 And what is their business?
他们是专业拥抱师 They are professional cuddlers.
这有个工作场合你可以好好写一番报告了 There's a workplace you could really write a report on.
警方的报告倒是有 Well, we have the police report,
有19位高峰期通勤者称他们为 where 19 rush- hour commuters describe them
搓油者 摸摸者 挠痒痒者 as"gropers, ""fondlers, ""ticklers, "
还有 一位女性称他们为随处沾花惹草的人 and, according to one woman, "handy dandies. "
法官 这两个勇敢的创业者有权 Your Honor, these plucky entrepreneurs should be able
推广自己的产品 而不是应该被贴上怪人的标签 to promote their product without being labeled freaks.
听起来有人想要试试样品了 Sounds like someone wants a sample.
别过来 怪人们 Whoa! Back off, freaks.
法官 我们请求您让人事部门 Your Honor, we ask that you let our HR department
仲裁我们 decide our fate.
他们比我们自己都还了解我们 They know us better than we know ourselves.
行吧 能理解 案件驳回 Alright. We get it. Case dismissed.
我想试一下样品 I'll take a sample.
你们这生意指定做得成 Ohh! Heh. That'll get you there.
法官 开始审理下一个案件之前 Your Honor, we have one more small piece of business
我们还有一件小小的事情要解决 before we go on to the next case.
一首C大调的《讽刺》 Sarcastic"in C.
谢谢你 怀亚特 愿意呼吸 Thank you, Wyatt, for breathing
谢谢你活着 Thanks for being aljvexsioe
谢谢你 愿意眨眼和吃东西 Thank you for blinking and eating food
不说一声谢谢 那就太不礼貌了 Without a"thank you, "it would be so rude
谢谢你 愿意占着空间 So it's thanks for taking up space and
谢谢你醒着 Thanks for being awake
还有一件事你得知道 One last thing you should know
所有这些谢谢“都是假的 Is that all these"thanks"are fake
都是假的 They're not real
你这是干什么 What the hell was that?
你就不能对怀亚特说声真诚的谢谢吗 Can't you just give Wyatt a real"thank you"?
他为我们做了那么多 He does so much for us!
他帮我够高处就够了无数次了 His shelf- reaching alone is next- level.
人们互相感谢太频繁了 People thank each other entirely too much.
我们不应该老是心存感激 We're expected to be grateful for nothing.
你递给我一杯咖啡 给你一美元 You handed me a coffee. Here's a dollar.
谢谢你做了本职工作 Thanks for doing your job.
哦 你帮我按住了电梯 哇 谢谢 Oh, you held the elevator. Gee. Thanks.
现在我可以呼吸到你刚刚呼出来的空气了 Now I get to breathe air that was recently in your body.
“谢谢”应该是争取来的 这就是我正在创造的世界 "Thank yous"should be earned. That's the world I'm creating.
没有必要说“谢谢”不客气 No"thank you"is necessary. You're welcome.
我一直都想成为一次大声抱怨的灵感来源 I've always wanted to be the inspiration for a rant.
谢谢 Thank you.
谢谢应该这样说 That's how it sounds!
你们俩为什么就不能像奥利维亚和老葛那样 Why can't you two be more like Olivia and Gurgs?
她们解决了分歧 They sorted out their differences.
嗯 我说不好 其实并没有什么分歧 Well, I don't know. There weren't really differences.
我又买了些咖啡伴侣 I just bought more creamer.
她太谦虚了 她得大老远跑去斯塔顿岛买 She's being modest. She had to go to Staten Island.
大多数商店都不卖我们那种 Most stores don't carry it
因为它的成分不合法 because the ingredients aren't considered legal.
这是唯一一种完全 It's the only creamer produced
在国际水域生产的咖啡伴侣 entirely in international waters.
事实上 是弗洛贝特买的 Actually, Flobert got it.
他要去斯塔顿岛探望他收养的公路 He was going to Staten Island to visit his adopted highway.
别告诉那高速公路 它不知道自己是被收养的 Don't tell the highway. It doesn't know it's adopted.
你告诉弗洛贝特了 现在消息可是传出去了 You told Flobert? Now the word's gonna get out.
-不然怎么买得到啊 -他很有影响力的 It'll be impossible to get. That man is an influencer.
你知道吗 他是克利夫兰 You know, he is single- handedly responsible
墙纸区复兴的主力军 for the revitalization of Cleveland's wallpaper district.
太好了 现在我能喝的 Great. Now all I'll be able to get
就只有那些恶心的应季口味咖啡了 are those gross seasonal flavors.
我不在乎现在是不是五月五日节 I don't care if it is Cinco de Mayo- -
没有人想要他们的咖啡尝起来像牛油果沙拉 no one wants their coffee tasting like guacamole!
我们这是怎么了 What's happened to us? !
杰克让我们互相挑刺 Jake has us turning on each other
而本该是我挑逗他的 when I should be turning him on!
想象自己在一个豪华公寓 Picture yourself in a luxury condo
从窗户就能看到摇滚名人堂的 with a view of the Rock &Roll Hall of Fame's. ...
停车场 parking lot.
杰克 我得跟你谈谈 Jake, I need to speak with you.
好 和老婆谈话哈 Good. Talk it over with the wife.
我去那里站着等 I'lI be standing right over there.
你知道吗 自从你来了 大家都剑拔弩张的 You know, ever since you got here, everyone's been on edge.
有意思 那是我的错吗 Interesting. And that's my fault?
因为你的检察官 Because it wasn't my idea
和法警住在一起可不是我的主意 to have your prosecutor move in with your bailiff.
在咖啡伴侣这事之前 Well, before this whole creamer thing,
她俩天天看男人看得可开心了 they were having a lot of fun objectifying men together.
还有 你把你的员工锁在你的办公室里 Also, is it true that you locked your staff in your office
让他们告诉你他们的私人秘密 这事儿是真的吗 and made them tell you their personal secrets?
-这周没有 -我昕说 Not this week. - Did I also hear
你同事约会你还跟着去了吗 that you tagged along on a co- worker's date?
那是因为丹想和一个 Only because Dan wanted to have sex with a woman
要杀他的女人上床 who was going to kill him!
这肯定算个漏洞 That's got to be a loopholel
我知道这在某些工作场所是不被允许的 I understand this would be frowned upon in some workplaces,
但在这儿我们是一家人 but here we're a family.
但你们不是 这是工作 Except you're not. It's work.
你是在教我怎么管理我的法庭吗 Are you telling me how to run my courtroom?
这是我的工作啊 听着 我开始觉得你跟这一切 Well, it's kind of my job. Look, I'm starting to think
扯得太近了 you're a little too close to all this.
我认为最好的办法是再开一次会 I think the best thing to do is to have another meeting.
我觉得再开一次会不是个好主意 I don't think us having another meeting is a good idea.
我完全同意 你不该参与 I completely agree. You shouldn't be involved.
所以你要开人事会议议论我 So you're having an HR meeting about me?
我要举报 这让我很不舒服 I'm reporting that. It makes me uncomfortable.
我不禁注意到 I couldn't help but notice
这里有点小麻烦 there's a little trouble in paradise.
克利夫兰还是个适合离婚的好地方 You know, Cleveland is a great town to be newly divorced in.
认真的吗 丹 还整听我说谢谢你快闪舞 Really, Dan? A"thank you"flash mob? !
这啥时候才能有个头啊 When is this going to end? !
等你深刻体会到我的 When you've experienced the full force
感激之情 and fury of my gratitude.
我在电梯里 20个人突然开始跳舞 I was in an elevator! 20 people started dancing around.
我还以为我要死了 I thought I was gonna die!
你还在等什么呢 八卦天后 What are you waiting for, gossip girl?
快去把这些都告诉弗洛贝特吧 Why aren't you telling all this to Flobert?
至少弗洛贝特不会用我的除臭剂 Well, at least Flobert doesn't use my deodorant.
我妻子和我就共用除臭剂的 My wife and I share deodorant.
我们什么都共用 除了床 We share everything- - except the bed.
-那个人力资源部的家伙去哪了 -抱歉我迟到了 Where the hell is this HR guy? - Sorry I'm late.
啊 杰克不在这儿 谁会召集会议自己却不来 Ah. Jake's not here? Who calls a meeting and doesn't show?
-太不专业了 -也许他跑掉 It's so unprofessional. Maybe he bailed because
是因为他只喜欢我 但他听说 he only likes me and he heard the rest of you
你们这些低敏感度的废材也会来 insensitive losers were gonna be here.
完全正确 不过 与此同时 Totally. In the meantime, though,
也许我们可以先聊一聊 maybe we talk through some stuff
我们遇到的问题打发一下时间 just to kill some time until Jake can break away
然后等着杰克过来 怎么样 from whatever it is that's keeping him?
我真的还有事儿 I really have to be somewhere.
有人赠送了你一份长达一小时的三人拥抱 You were gifted an hour- long throuple cuddle.
你只能在这儿被我们抱 That's what you're getting. - Ugh!
18 19 20 18, 19, 20.
好了 现在 你感觉如何 Okay! Now, how do you feel?
感觉我浪费了20秒 Kind of like I wasted 20 seconds.
20秒的眼神交流 20 seconds of eye contact
会让你感觉和彼此更亲密 is supposed to help you feel more connected.
那我不是应该和丹一起眼神交流吗 Then shouldn't I be doing it with Dan?
在整个团队中创造团结的氛围是很重要的 It's important to create unity throughout the entire team.
而且丹拒绝参与 And Dan refused to participate.
我真希望我当初拒绝了和弗洛贝特玩信任背摔 I wish I had refused to do that trust fall with Flobert.
如果游戏的重点是要我接住你 If I was supposed to catch you,
那它应该叫“信任接人” it should be called a"trust catch. "
那个我做的每件事他都说都对的人去哪了 Where's that guy who said everything I do is right?
我喜欢他 I liked him.
我们不需要杰克 We don't need Jake.
我们可以像一家人一样解决问题 We can deal with our problems like a family.
所以你想让我们互相怨恨 So you want us to resent other
但又共用一个手机套餐吗 but also share a cellphone plan?
老葛 为什么那个咖啡伴侣对你这么重要 Gurgs, why does that creamer mean so much to you?
我不知道 也许是因为在我成长的过程中 I don't know. Maybe because when I was growing up,
我从来没有过完全属于我的东西 I never had anything that was all mine.
或者多年饮用有毒的咖啡伴侣 Or maybe years of drinking toxic creamer
会让你的大脑变得奇怪 just makes your brain weird.
不管怎样 我们都愿意帮忙 Either way, we are ready to help.
弗洛贝特 Flobert? - Mm. Mm- hmm.
他拿那个干什么 法官 What's he doing with that, Judge?
你害怕失去咖啡伴侣 You're scared of losing that creamer,
所以弗洛贝特会帮你克服恐惧 so Flobert is gonna help you face that fear
在你面前喝下一整盒咖啡伴侣来帮你脱敏 by drinking an entire carton right in front of you.
我们看着都很难受 但是 It'll be tough to watch for all of us, but.
也许这能帮到我们中的一个 it might help one of us.
也可能会害死我们中的一个 It might kill one of us.
莫里 那是毒药啊 Murray! That's poison!
你的理发店四重唱都成功晋级地区赛了 And your barbershop quartet just made regionals!
艾比答应听完 Abby promised to sit through
三个小时克利夫兰推销 a three- hour Cleveland presentation.
如果我不赶紧把那公寓转让出去 If I don t move those condos,
我老婆就不会再让我睡那张床了 my wife's never gonna let me back in that bed.
那就开始吧 Ah. Here we go! Whew.
我看不下去了 他都没有咂摸出味儿 Ugh! Oh, I- I can't watch. He's not appreciating it!
而且他肯定没尝出来挪蔻的味道 And there's no way he can taste the notmeg.
是的 我说的是“挪蔻”而不是豆蔻 这是它的合法称呼 Yes, I said"notmeg. "Legally, that's what they gotta call it!
如果这就是和老葛一起住的代价 Ohh! - Ugh. If this is what it takes
我还是搬回我自己家吧 to live with Gurgs, I'll just move back to my place.
很好 那就不开联合生日派对了 Fine. Then no more joint birthday party.
反正我俩也没法联合 我是六月的 你是十二月的 It didn't make sense anyway. Mine's June, yours is December.
好啊 那我就给你朋友打电话 告诉她派对取消了 Finel Then I'll call your friend and tell her the party's off!
喂 朋友 嗯 派对取消了 Hey, friend? Yeah? The party's off!
不 我是不会让我们渐行渐远的 No, I will not let us drift apart!
我们是一家人 我们彼此相爱 We are a family and we love each other!
我现在可以不喝了吗 Can I stop drinking now?
我看你们都很模糊了 You're all getting real blurry.
喝到我们再次成为朋友 那个破杰克是不会赢的 Not until we're friends again. That stupid Jake can't win!
你劫持了我的研讨会 You hijacked my seminar?
在你开始指责我之前 Before you start throwing blame around,
我不知道弗洛贝特有乳糖不耐症 I didn't know that Flobert was lactose- intolerant!
-活到老 学到老 -你花钱雇那些 You live, you learn. - What you did
拥抱师真是太不专业了 with those cuddlers was completely unprofessional.
当然 我确实感觉自己回到了子宫里 Sure, I felt like I was back in the womb
还给了我那情感疏远的父亲 and it gave me validation I never received from
从来没有给过我的认可 但我有工作要做 an emotionally distant father, but I have a job to do.
我也有 但你不让我这么做 So do I, but you're not letting me,
然后我就得收拾残局 and then I'm left to pick up the pieces
而你又继续跑去把另一间办公室也炸了 while you're off to blow up another office.
大多数办公室是不会被炸的 Most offices don't get blown up.
通常都是别人走神 我在一边叭叭45分钟 It's usually just people tuning me out for 45 minutes,
然后我找家快餐店 一个人在车里吃烤三明治 then I find a Quizno's and eat a toasted sandwich alone in my car.
你为什么就不能让我做我该做的事 Why couldn't you just let me do my thing?
因为我的方法一直都管用的 Because my thing was working
直到你带着你的“微笑拒绝”出现 until you showed up with your"Smile and Decline. "
这个技巧每天能够避免数百种感情伤害 Hey! That technique saves hundreds of feelings every day.
你知道你的问题是什么吗 你看到了一种解决问题的办法 You know what your problem is? You see one way of doing things,
如果有人胆敢提出其他的建议 and if anyone has the nerve to suggest anything else,
你就会发疯 it drives you crazy.
你知道你的问题是什么吗 Ugh. Well, you know what your problem is?
你不把人当人看 You don't see people as people.
你只是把它们看作潜在的诉讼 You just see them as potential lawsuits.
所以你凡事都太谨慎 That's why you play everything too safe.
你在平常生活里可能也是这样 Probably live your life the same way.
我不知道你要带那只狗走哪条路徒步 I don't know what trails you're taking that dog hiking on,
但我打赌它能走更难的路线 but I bet he can handle way harder ones!
他害怕老鹰 他完全有理由害怕 He is afraid of hawks, and he has every right to be.
它们是杀戮机器 They are killing machines!
真不敢相信我曾经觉得你长得可爱 Man, I can't believe I ever thought you were cute.
我真不敢相信我都为我们想出了第一次约会的地点 I can't believe I thought of first- date spots for us.
我不知道你想了这么多 Well, I didn't know you did that.
我真希望我没有 因为你最差劲了 Well, I wish I hadn't, because you're the worst!
你才最差劲了 You're the worst!
-请求同意蹂躏你 -同意了 Consent to ravage you? - Consent given.
我们只是想来问问能不能走了 然后 We were just checking to see if we could leave, and, uh...
Yeah.
这是怎么回事 我到底能不能回家 What's the deal? Can I go home or not? !
快跑 丹 快跑 Run, Dan. Run.
等等 你是什么意思 他们 他们是不是 Wait. What do you mean? Are- - Are they...
-是的 而且还会有下一步进展 -哦 Yes, and it's evolving. Ohh.
怀亚特 我真不知道该说什么 Wyatt, I don't know what to say.
我想你知道该说什么的 I think you do.
谢谢 Thank you.
我觉得这是我做过的第一次 You know, I think that was the first unprofessional thing
-不专业决策 -别担心 I've ever done. - Well, don't worry.
-我不会向人力资源部告发你的 -我想我开始 I won't report you to HR. - I think I'm coming around
明白工作关系 to the idea that work relationships
不需要完全保持专业 don't need to be entirely professional.
坦白说 Well, full disclosure- -
我的方法可能也有问题 there may be some problems with my approach, too.
我说不好 让一个人猛灌咖啡伴侣 I don't know. Making a man chug creamer
似乎是一种很好的团队建设活动 seems like a pretty good team- building exercise.
好吧 没有人叫他猛灌的 本来小口喝也没问题的 Okay. No one said chug. He could have sipped it.
我们有处理这种情况的表格 Well, you'll be happy to know
你应该很喜欢 that we have forms that address this situation.
-我们有情况了吗 -我们有点小情况 ·We have a situation? - We had an incident.
但如果你在这里签字 那就有情况了 But if you sign here, then it's a situation.
你好会填表格啊 You're so good at filling out those forms,
我们走吧 我可以路上把这些填好 Let's get out of here. I can fill these out on the way.
走吧 Let's go.
他们在看什么 What are they watching?
考拉跳进人们怀抱的视频 Videos of koalas jumping into peoples'arms.
很显然 你和金发男大概就是那样 Apparently, that's exactly how you and blondie
抱在一起的 slammed together.
-是的 没错 -嗯 Yeah, we did. - Yeah...
总之 既然他们都准备好了 Anyway, uh, now that they're all warmed up,
我要去拿我的推销材料 I'm gonna go get my presentation materials
好让他们了解克利夫兰的全部情况 so I can give them the full Cleveland.
来试听一下 Here's a taste- -
这个湖根本不如伊利湖（五大湖之一） "The lake is anything but Erie. "
嗯 哈哈 耶 Huh? Ha ha, yeah!
大家都相处得很好嘛 Everyone's really getting along.
这是靠我丢脸争取来的 但这是值得的 It's at my expense and I'm humiliated, but it's worth it.
是啊 没有什么能比 Yeah, nothing brings a family together
看着那个奇怪的姨妈和那个大家都不知道 like watching their weird aunt make out with the stranger
她会邀请来过感恩节陌生人亲热 更能让一家人团结的事儿了 they didn't know she was going to invite to Thanksgiving.
你应该看看我们为圣诞节计划了什么 You should see what we have planned for Christmas.
想要来点好东西吗 Want a splash of the good stuff?
你真是太慷慨了 Aww. That's mighty generous of you.
多亏了奥利维亚 我现在有很多了 I've got plenty now, thanks to Olivia.
我不能把功劳都揽在自己身上 Oh, I can't take all the credit.
你一个都揽不了 Or any of it.
我朋友在食品药品监督管理局工作 My friend works at the FDA,
他们一直在囤积这种咖啡伴侣用于研究 and they've been stockpiling it for research.
到目前为止 它还没有杀死过任何老鼠 So far, it hasn't killed any mice...
虽然它确实有让几只老鼠年龄逆转来着 though it did make a few age in reverse.
弗洛贝特喝了一整瓶 Flobert drank a whole bottle,
他也没变成小孩啊 and it's not like he turned into a kid or something.
好了 各位 Okay, everybody!
谁准备好听克利夫兰的故事了 Who's ready to hear about Cleveland?
我不能再矮了 I can't afford to get any shorter.
哦 看来你们都见过我侄了了 Oh. I see you all met my nephew.
他知道怎么用录像机呢 He knows how to work the VCR.
哈哈 It's funnyl