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比勒夫妇被指控 Mr. and Miss Bealer are charged with instigating
在时代广场的巴布甘虾店 a food fight at the Times Square
丢食物互殴 Bubba Gump shrimp.
有意思 Interesting.
原来巴布甘虾店还卖吃的 I didn't know they served food at Bubba Gump Shrimp.
据他们所述 In their statement,
这对夫妇认定这次争吵 that couple blames their altercation
归咎于餐厅没有自助服务 导致他们被迫 on the restaurant's lack of self service,
用他们的原话说 被迫和对方交谈 forcing them to quote, "talk to each other. "
我理解夫妻之间在婚姻中会有分歧 I know there are disagreements in every marriage,
但以暴力的方式 尤其是浪费食物是不应该的 but culinary violence is never the answer.
罚款100元 $100 fine.
不管你们信不信 但你们是这周第三个 Believe it or not, you're the third defendants
头插大虾的被告了 this week with shrimp in their hair.
就是因为这样的夫妻关系 Couples like that are why I don't want to rush
我才不急着和杰克谈恋爱的 into a relationship with Jake.
我们现在对彼此的新鲜感十足 交谈有趣不沉闷 Right now, it's just so new and fun.
我们在餐厅里根本停不下来 We can't stop talking at restaurants.
点餐点个没完 It takes us forever to order.
服务员烦死我们了 Waiters hate us.
相信我 不光服务员烦你们 Trust me, it's not just the waiters.
你这就是嫉妒 因为你前一个交往对象 You're just jealous because the last woman you dated
还在蹲大牢马桶上用厕纸给你写情书呢 is writing you letters on toilet paper from prison.
她被剥夺了写信的权利 She had her letter writing privileges revoked
因为她拿笔当铲子挖洞越狱 because she was using her pen as a shovel.
嚯 你们的感情关系让我觉得 Wow, your relationships make me feel a lot better
我那吓死人的离婚都不可怕了 about iy horrendous divorce.
下一个案件 检方诉彼得·麦圭尼斯 Next up, The People versus Pete McGuiness.
麦圭尼斯先生是一名房东 他被控使用极端暴力手段 Mr. McGuiness is a landlord charged with excessive use
把他的房客们赶了出去 of force, for physically throwing his tenants out
-丢在大街上 -房客都是谁 onto the streets. - And who are the tenants?
你好 法官 Hello, Judge.
这里又好又暖和 It's so nice and warm in here.
我想永远待在这里 I should like to stay forever.
他居然强行把孤儿丢出去了吗 He forcibly removed orphans?
他们不是孤儿 They're not orphans.
他们是一个儿童剧团 They're a children's theater troupe
只表演《雾都孤儿》一个剧 that only does"Oliver".
被告在把租出去的房子又预定给别人做婚礼场地 The defendant ruthlessly punted the actors out on to the street
之后就无情地把这些小演员赶到街头 after he double booked his property as a wedding venue.
也就是说 如果你的裁决倾向于帮这些 Which means that if you rule in the favor of these
渴望成名的毛头小崽 fame hungry pre- adults,
无数的婚礼将毁于你手 you'll be blowing up countless weddings.
你最好别毁了我的婚礼 小个子 You better not be blowing up my wedding, Tiny.
我没说过其中有罗兹·罗素的婚礼吗 Did I mention that one of the weddings is Roz Russell's?
法庭要求这群可爱的孤儿 The court directs the cute orphan
对罗兹大眨你们难过的双眼 to please make big sad eyes at Roz.
你愿意当我的妈妈吗 Will you be my mum?
闭上你的小嘴 Oh, shut up.
抱歉你没地方办婚礼了 但你知道吗 Sorry you lost your venue. You know what, though?
大型婚礼就是过度炒作 Big weddings are over hyped.
萨拉和我其实真考虑过私奔 Sarah and I actually considered eloping.
如果是和你结婚 我也不愿意有人见证 I wouldn't want any witnesses if I was marrying you either.
我为你找到了一个绝佳的婚礼场地 I found a great place for your wedding.
它在曼哈顿中心 是个历史性地标 It's in the heart of Manhattan, it's an historical landmark,
而且还有很多监控摄像头 and it has so many security cameras,
你都不需要摄影师了 you can fire your videographer.
-她说的地方是这 -我说的地方就是这 · She's talking about here. - I'm talking about here.
明天就举办婚礼了 Considering the wedding is tomorrow,
我哪还有什么选择 what the hell choice do I have?
我就希望你能这么默默接受呢 That's the quiet resignation I was hoping for.
还有最棒的事就是这里有一位证婚人 And the best part is the place comes with an officiant
虽然她从未有过这样的荣幸 who's never had the honor, but suspects
但她相信他们天生就是做这个的 it's the thing they were born to do.
-她说的司仪就是她自己 -就是我 She's talking about her. - I'm talking about me!
我们请证婚人了 虽然我很想请你来 We have an officiant. I'd invite you as a guest,
但我们还在等儿封回信 but we're still waiting on a couple of RSVPs.
丹 你真的在考虑 Dan, are you seriously considering
不参加罗兹的婚礼吗 not going to Roz's wedding?
我真的在考虑这辈子哪儿也不去了 I'm seriously considering not going anywhere ever again.
没问题 That's fine.
我不需要他在我的婚礼上喝酒 I don't need him there drinking my booze
朝我使劲扔大米 and throwing rice way too hard.
好吧 既然你们俩都不会有话直说 我来翻译一下吧 Okay, since you're both closed off weirdos, let me translate.
丹 罗兹希望你能参加她的婚礼 Dan, Roz would like you to go to her wedding
因为你对她很重要 because you mean a lot to her.
罗兹 丹是害怕表露自己的情感 And, Roz, Dan is afraid that he's gonna have feelings
被人看到他是人的一面 and people will see he's a person.
-胡说 -乱讲 Way off. - Ridiculous.
不过 我想我可以过去看看 But yeah, I guess I could stop by.
有你在也不错吧 Having you here would be fine.
老天 你们两个怪咖真是要感动死我了 God, you closed off weirdos are gonna make me cry.
福祸相依 因祸得福啊 Maybe losing the venue was a blessing in disguise.
那这婚礼福气可真够大的 Well, then we're loaded with blessings'cause
因为已经有这么多事都乱套了 this wedding has already had so many things go wrong already.
我无意偷听 但我全都听到了 I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I have been.
你们认为会不会是有人蓄意搞破坏 Have you considered it's sabotage?
我是说 成为一名私家侦探 I mean, I imagine as a PI, you've made plenty
你树敌不少吧 of enemies along the way.
那就能解释为什么我们订花失败 Sabotage would explain how we've lost a florist,
请DJ无果以及弦乐四重奏都凑不齐了 a deejay, and most of our string quartet.
罗素女士 你愿意让我成为这世界上最幸福的女人 Miss Russell, would you make me the happiest woman in the world
并让我负责你婚礼的安保吗 and let me run security at your wedding?
无偿吗 For free?
那你可以为所欲为 You can do whatever the hell you want.
我就希望你能这么默默接受呢 That's the quiet resignation I was hoping for.
希望大家宴会玩的开心 I hope you all have fun at the party.
我就一个人悄悄地练习电子滑步舞吧 I'll just be quietly practicing the electric slide
虽然在这里举办婚礼是我的主意 alone, even though having the wedding here was my idea.
-你可以来参加 -好耶 - You can come. - Yay!
这样一来 如果有任何差错 That way, if anything goes wrong,
我就可以找你 I can find you
让你担全责 and I. can blame you.
好耶 Yay.
仪式主持的还算不错 The ceremony was nice. I guess.
如果是我主持的话 我会写出更有意义的誓言 If 〔was officiating, I would have done better than
而不是 用爱建造家 "building this house on love. "
这套说辞都是老黄历了 2013 called and wants its metaphors back.
你尖酸刻薄的时候很可爱 You're cute when you're snarky.
你不刻薄的时候也可爱 You're also cute when you're not snarky.
就是想方设法说你可爱 This is just kind of a long way of saying you're cute.
简单粗暴来说你俩真恶心 And this is kind of a short way of saying I'm nauseated.
听着 别因为我在这 Listen, just because I'm here,
别以为你俩黄毛黄到一块儿了 don't expect me to go to your wedding
就指望我能出席你们的婚礼 when you decide to blonde for all eternity.
我们的婚礼吗 压根没谱的事 Our wedding? That is the farthest thing from our minds.
对 我们就是随便聊聊 Yeah, no, we're just keeping things casual.
好 但愿你们做得到 Yeah. Good luck with that.
一起参加婚礼是每段感情的油门 Weddings are the foot on the gas of every relationship.
现在我得记住你的名字了 Oof, now I'm gonna have to learn your name.
要不就叫切斯特 I want to say Chester.
这是我听过最蠢的一段话 That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
可不 我长得更像叫蔡斯吧 Yeah, if anything, I'm more of a Chase than a Chester.
不 我是说 参加婚礼会让我们的关系 No, I mean, the idea that this wedding
更上一层楼 这段话很蠢 would kick our relationship into a higher gear.
就比如在这里 Like just by being here,
突然之间 我对你说 all of a sudden, I'm gonna be like,
哦 你应该见见我的妈妈 "Oh, you should meet my mom. "
其实她现在在城里 但我不会 I mean, she is in town, but I'm not introducing her
把随便认识的人就介绍给她 to someone I'm casually dating.
是啊 我们可不想把妈妈牵扯进来 Yeah, we don't want to bring a mom into this hotness.
我们还没到见家长们那一步呢 We are nowhere near meeting parents.
只有一个家长 我还从来没见过我的亲生父亲 Well, parent. I've never met my biological father.
我不知道我为什么要在这个时刻 I don't know why I chose this moment
挑起这么一段不随意的话题 to drop that super not casual bomb.
丹对婚礼的看法是对的 Dan is right about weddings.
也许我们应该制定一些规则 Maybe we should just come up with some rules
维持我们轻松愉快的关系 to keep things light.
我同意 没什么比一大堆规则 I love that. Nothing says fun and casual
更轻松有趣了 like a boatload of rules.
第一条规则 不聊沉重的话题 First rule, no heavy conversations.
对 从现在开始就只能闹聊开玩笑 Yep. Just small talk and playful banter starting now.
很好 Perfect.
我有次真想过去找我爸爸 I did consider searching for my dad once.
抱歉 现在我的情绪整理好了 Sorry. Now it's out of my system.
罗兹和罗瑞塔的婚礼顺利举行 So we made it through Roz and Loretta's ceremony,
但我们还不能掉以轻心 but we're not out of the woods yet.
破坏者随时都可能出现 The saboteur could strike at any time.
所以我要你藏在每张桌子下面 So I need you hidden, every table,
听每个人聊天 listening to every conversation.
对任何眼神不对的人刑讯逼供 Beating a confession out of anyone who looks at us wrong.
就比如那个家伙 Like that guy.
那是罗瑞塔的爸爸 That's Loretta's daddy.
有意思 因为他和我说他是罗兹的岳父 Interesting, because he told me he was Roz's father in law.
有的人就是不说实话 Someone can't keep his story straight.
自打离婚之后我就没参加过婚礼 I haven't been to a wedding since my divorce.
我担心婚礼会引发我的情绪 I was worried it was gonna bring up a lot of emotions,
但我现在还能控制得住 我只感觉到孤单 but I'm holding it together pretty lonely right now.
你穿的这是什么 你是服务员啊 What are you wearing? You're supposed to be a waiter.
穿这裙子能当服务员吗 鬼才信 In this dress? No one's gonna buy that.
既然你这么说了 不如我来扮演客人吧 But off your idea, why don't I go on to cover as a guest?
我先和罗瑞塔律师事务所的合伙人 Ooh, I'll start by chatting up the partners
聊聊天吧 at Loretta's law firm.
不知道 你的借口是什么 I don't know. What's your cover story?
我是一名经验丰富的出庭律师 想摆脱没前途的工作 I'm a seasoned trial lawyer who's trying to get out of
还是一份被一群蠢货包围的工作 a dead end job where I'm surrounded by bozos.
你是真的这么想 Oh, you got a real mind for this.
对 但失陪一下 我不该被人看到 Yeah, but excuse me. I really shouldn't
和员工交谈 be seen talking to the staff.
那么 你推荐哪款招牌鸡尾酒呢 So, which signature cocktail do you recommend?
我是罗瑞塔酸 还是 激情罗兹 The"I'm Loretta sour" or"Sex on the Roz"?
请来八杯玫瑰酒 Eight roses, please.
抱歉女士 今晚叫玫兹 Oh, no, Sorry, ma'am. Tonight they're"Roz- es".
不是给我喝 我做末婚阿姨那桌 They're not for me. I'm at the unmarried aunts table.
希望这酒可以按下她们的静音键 And I'm hoping the wine works as a mute button.
好吧 你知道吗 Oh, okay. Well, you know what?
如果酒没起到作用的话 If that doesn't work out,
你可以和我一起去单身人士那桌 you can join me at the singles table.
大部分都是小孩 电子产品被没收了 It's largely children. Their screens have been taken away.
所以基本上就等着他们刀战了 So basically it's just a knife fight waiting to happen.
您的八杯酒 女士 Your eight wines, ma'am.
不如我放下这些酒再回来见你 Well, how about I drop these off and meet you back here.
太好了 Oh, great.
我能感觉到你在笑 I can feel you smiling.
那我能感觉到你在感觉 And I can feel you feeling.
祝你好运 丹 恭喜你 Banner day, Dan. Banner fricking day.
等一下 Just a second.
罗兹 那个女人是谁 Hey, Roz, who's that woman?
看起来很眼熟 She seems very familiar.
你该眼熟的 She should.
你在法庭上和她姐姐 You argued against her sister
争辩了都快十年了 in this courthouse for the better part of a decade.
她是克莉丝汀·沙利文的妹妹吗 That's Christine Sullivan's sister?
对 凯蒂 Yeah. Katie.
我们通过克莉丝汀认识的 We met through Christine
后来经常来往 and ended up seeing a lot of each other.
现在丹想多和她来往 Now Dan wants to see a lot of her.
可惜她恨他 Too bad she hates him.
该死 菲尔丁 你做了什么 Damn it, Fielding. What did you do?
什么都没做 Nothing!
除了搬到华盛顿和克莉丝汀一起住 Well, except maybe moving to DC to be with Christine,
发誓我永远爱她 pledging my undying love,
然后无故消失了 and then just disappearing with no explanation.
那是很久以前的事了 You know, that was a long time ago.
她刚才看着也不恨我啊 And she didn't seem to hate me just now.
也许是因为我没告诉她我叫什么 Oh, maybe I didn't tell her who I was.
你要是不想被泼一脸酒的话 Well, you don't want to drink in your face?
就什么都别说了 I'd keep it that way.
信息已收 Message received.
接受挑战 Challenge accepted.
弗洛贝特 我需要你帮我 Flobert, I need your help
在恨死我的人面前找回场子 making me look good to someone who hates my guts.
但你不能说出我的名字 你不能告诉罗兹 But you cannot say my name, and you cannot tell Roz.
罗兹 这酒为之命名的女士来了吗 Roz? l The lady the drink's named after is here?
我希望这次比见阿诺德·帕尔默那次顺利 I hope this goes better than the time I met Arnold Palmer.
你们好 我是奥利维亚 莫尔 Hi there. Olivia Moore.
真为罗瑞塔感到开心 等等 So happy for Loretta, et cetera, et cetera.
我听说你在找新的律师 Oh, Iheard that you're lookihg for new associates.
可能外聘一位 Maybe an outside hire.
悄悄念着其名字深种于你的意识 Someone who's quietly saying her name to sneak it
我叫奥利维亚 ito your subconscious. Olivia.
你坐的是我的座位 You're in my seat.
-德文 -奥利维亚 Devin. - Olivia.
你喷的什么香水 What's that perfume?
是加尔文与霍布斯的绝望吗 Desperation by Calvin and Hobbes?
那么 你在罗瑞塔律师事务所工作吗 So, you work at Loretta's law firm?
别告诉我你当上合伙人了 Don't tell me you made partner
不然我就得重新介绍自己 'cause then I would need to reintroduce myself
并调整我的语气了 鄙人奥利维亚 and adjust my tone. Olivia.
我没当上 不过但别担心 我有个大计划 I got passed over, but don't worry, I got big plans.
所以如果你不介意的话 我要和大老板见个面 So if you'll excuse me, I need some face time with the boss.
吉娜 你看起来气色不错 鄙人德文 Gina, you're looking well Devin.
大家都玩得开心吗 Everyone having a good time? Hm?
开心终会结束 你们懂的 They come to an end, you know?
怀亚特 你看到那边那个人了吗 Wyatt, you see that. guy over there?
他干扰我和老板套近乎 我需要你把他灌醉 He's boss blocking me. I need you to get him drunk.
聪明 奥利维亚 专注于事业 Smart, Olivia. Focus on career.
事业不能离开你 自己造的孽自己收拾 Career can't leave you and take the dog you've trained.
弗洛贝特 我需要你 Flobert, I need you to take that guy
-把那家伙弄走 -用酒还是毒药 out of commission. - Booze or poison?
谢谢你 Thank you.
我能说我们在勾搭人方面非常出色吗 Can I just say we are killing it at keeping it light.
在婚礼上随便找个路人甲 都能在一起耳鬓厮磨 Just casually grinding like you would any random piece of ass
卿卿我我 you meet at a wedding.
哦 谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
我只能说 你真是个性感的路人甲 And let me just say you are also a hot, disposable rando.
这是个慢舞 Oh, it's a slow one.
-慢舞也不错 -是啊 - Nice change of piece. - Yeah.
-没行 -不行 今天不行 婚礼 - No. - No, not today, wedding!
等一等 Hold on.
不 No!
怎么啦 我鞋带开了而已 What? My shoe's untied.
明天系不行吗 Tie it tomorrow!
好吧 好吧 我要告诉你一个小秘密 Okay. Okay. I'm gonna let you in a little secret.
当你看到 匿名捐赠者 When you see"anonymous donor"...
请用 先生 - - Here you go, sir.
-谢谢你 伙计 -这是免费酒吧 先生 Thank you, my man. - It's an open bar, sir.
这是给你的 别担心 Oh, that's for you. Don't worry about it.
我就是乐善好施 Can't stop giving.
哇 50美元 Wow. A$50! - Hey!
你知道吗 You know what?
钞票的颜色不应该全都一样啊 They should make those different colors, shouldn't they?
可我还不知道你的名字呢 I just realized that I still haven't gotten your name.
我叫凯蒂 I'm Katie.
不是说好我是匿名的吗 Oh, I think we've established that I'm anonymous.
但是当然 当然我有名字 But of course- - of course I have a name.
他在这儿了 我所认识的最勇敢 最正派的人 There he is, the bravest, most decent man I have ever known.
这个人是个英雄 This man is a hero.
你知道吗 他每年都刮胡子 You know, every year, he shaves that beard
然后把胡子寄给其他国家 and sends the hair to kids in other countries
长不出胡子的孩子们 who can't grow their own beards.
不管你在干什么 太过头了 Whatever you're doing, do less.
这个人是个懦夫 This man is a coward!
开车撞了我 之后居然逃逸了 Who hit me with this car and drove away.
你这是矫枉过正了 That was an absurd over correction.
你们俩在聊天啊 Oh, look at you two talking.
那我就把这杯酒 从你丢东西用的这手里拿走吧 I'lI just take this drink out of your throwing hand.
我刚刚听说了所有的志愿者工作 I was just hearing about all the volunteer work that- -
对不起 我还不知道你的名字 Sorry. I still haven't gotten your name.
他不是自愿匿名的吗 Oh, did he not volunteer that?
对不起 先生 那是什么 Oh, I'm sorry. What's that, sir?
哦 是的 怎么啦 Oh, yeah. What?
你说你想祝酒啊 Oh, you said you would like to make a toast?
我现在真的不太舒服（站的位置不对） Oh, I'm really not in a good place.
不 你是对的 Oh, no. You know, you're right.
你先站到麦克风前 开始吧 Let's get you in front of a microphone. Here we go.
大家请听一下 Listen, everybody.
可能是我慷慨的天性又发作了 Probably my generous nature talking,
但大家应该把全部注意力放在这位服务员身上 but I think we should give our full attention to this waiter.
开始吧 Go!
我本来没打算说话 但是 好好珍惜今天吧 Uh, I didn't expect to speak, but treasure today.
搞不好以后你就要和离婚律师打交道了 Later you may find yourself dealing with divorce lawyers
而你的前妻可能有了新男友 and your ex wife could have a new boyfriend
这人还你的婚礼上说了很多含沙射影的话 who gave a toast at your wedding with a lot of innuendo
你本应该早点发现这点猫腻的 you probably should have picked up on.
但真爱值得冒险 But true love is worth that risk.
当你找到真爱的时候 And when you find it...
矢志不渝 ...hold on.
-干杯 -干杯 Cheers. Cheers.
希望这不会引得大家一齐来祝酒 Let's hope this doesn't kick off a wave of toasts.
是啊 我们最不需要的 Yeah, the last thing we need
就是一群醉醺醺的客人的煽情演讲 is a bunch of half cocked sap hounds trying
让我们忍不住要秀恩爱 to get us to be all lovey dovey.
所以如果这对我们不起作用 So if this isn't working on us,
为什么你还牵着我的手 why you holding my hand?
因为是你在牵我的手 你这个策蛋 Cause you're holding my hand, you sap hound!
你在想象我们和孩子们一起玩耍 Oh, you're picturing us playing with our kids,
是吗 aren't you?
我们要用沙发上的垫子建一个堡垒 We're using the cushions from the couch to build a fort.
艾比 我想要结婚了 Abby, the wedding's winning.
我感到人墙在向我逼近 I feel the walls closing in.
不是人墙 是要抛花束 It's not the walls. It's the bouquet toss
-我们得赶紧走 -你还是干脆 We got to get out of herel- You might as well
抢到花就好 just catch it.
结婚的怨念在得逞之前是不会放弃的 The wedding's not gonna stop till it gets what it wants.
除非它先逮住我 It's got to catch me first.
快跑 Oh, go!
我开始觉得是艾比害你们只能来这儿办婚礼的 I'm starting to think that Abby might be the saboteur.
这比看他们跳舞好玩多了 That's better than watching them dance.
我听说你给了酒保50块小费 I heard you tipped the bartender 50 bucks.
我可一直在对你前女友的妹妹撒谎 I have been lying to your ex girlfriend's sister
但一晚上都没捞着一毛钱 all night and haven't seen a dime.
谢你八辈祖宗 丹·菲尔丁 Thanks a lot, Dan Fielding!
你是丹·菲尔丁 You're Dan Fielding?
所以你这是想给自己脸上贴金吗 So this was you trying to make yourself look good?
不 完全不是 No, not at all.
我只是想告诉你 我已经不是以前的我了 I was just trying to show you that I am not the man I was.
我已经改变了 I've changed.
我看未必 因为我看你 Oh, I don't know. Because you still seem
还是那个自私的混蛋 like the same selfish jerk
连我姐姐的葬礼都懒得出席 that didn't bother to show up to my sister's funeral.
不 凯特 No. Kate.
浪费可耻 Be a waste not to.
就这样了 There it is.
请就为什么要改变司法选拔程序 Closing argument for why we should change
作结案陈词 our judicial selection process.
纽约州有那边有一大堆我吃自己身上的 New York State has tons of pictures of me
蛋糕的照片 可老娘还在这里 eating cake off myself, and I'm still here.
我有个新消息 Huh. Oh, I've got some news.
凯蒂·苏利文讨厌我 Katie Sullivan hates me
是因为我没有出席她姐姐的葬礼 because I didn't go to her sister's funeral.
有时候在生活中 Sometimes in life.
不 这句话好像不太合适 Nope. Can't put a positive spin on that one.
其实我当时去了 The fact is I was there.
我躲在一排白杨树后面 I was hiding behind a row of poplar trees
因为我不想去打扰 'cause I didn't want to intrude.
克莉丝汀·苏利文是我见过的最好的人 Christine Sullivan was the best person I have ever met,
我爱上了她 简直是个奇迹 and I was in love with her, and miraculously,
她也开始对我有感觉了 she started to have feelings for me.
当时我推开她 然后离开 因为我想 And I pushed her away and then left because I thought,
也许我配不上她 you know, maybe I wasn't good enough for her.
丹 Dan...
你是配不上 you weren't.
我知道恐惧会让你推开别人的感情 I can see how fear can make you push someone
有时候会被推进蛋糕 away, sometimes into a cake.
被推进蛋糕里的也只有你了 Almost never into a cake. That's just you.
克莉丝汀让我成为了一个更好的男人 You know, Christine made me a better man.
如果没有克莉丝汀·苏利文 I would have never had the life I did with Sarah
我就不会拥有和莎拉在一起的幸福生活 if it hadn't been for Christine Sullivan.
这些话你可以对凯蒂说啊 You could say all that to Katie.
有什么意义呢 她只会觉得我在撒谎 Eh, what's the point? She'd just think I was lying.
我想你自己明自才是最重要的 对吧 Well, I guess the important thing is that you know, right?
来吧 我去给你拿杯罗瑞塔可乐 Come on, let's go get you a Loretta- colada.
嘿 你不想要你的照片吗 Hey, you don't want your copy?
你清理得不错嘛 You clean up nice.
你确定丹不介意我借他的备用西装吗 You sure Dan won't mind me borrowing his spare suit?
没事的 这都不是他的首选备用西装 Oh, yeah, it's fine. It's not even his good spare.
这是他的用餐西装 It's the one he eats ribs in.
我们说好不分享食物的 尤其是可爱的食物 We said no sharing food, especially the adorable ones.
我把你当冲浪板一样撞进 Well, when I was riding you like a surfboard into
婚礼蛋糕的时候 我意识到这不是婚礼的原因 a wedding cake, I realized it's not the wedding.
而是我们 It's us.
我不想太随意 杰克 I don't want to be casual, Jake.
哦 我也是 Oh, me neither.
装冷酷实在太累人了 I'm exhausted from being so chill.
事实是我很想和你跳慢舞 The truth is I want to slow dance.
我想牵你的手 我想让你见见我妈妈 I want to hold hands, and I want you to meet my mom.
我想见见你的妈妈爸爸 I want to meet your mom and your dad.
-我还是不知道我爸是谁 -好吧 Still don't know who he is. - Right.
-从你妈妈开始吧 -好的 Let's start with your mom. Alright.
我去给她打个电话 You know what? I'm gonna go call her.
好吧 Okay.
-把蛋糕棒棒糖留下 -好 - Just leave the cake- pop- Right.
大家都可以放松了 婚礼安全了 Everyone can relax. The wedding is safe.
-我找到这个人了 -德文 I found our guy. Devin? !
这是你的人吧 It's one of yours.
你证明不了我做了什么 You can't prove I did anything.
你可以质询证人了 律师 You're a witness, counselor.
没错 You're right.
罗瑞塔升职了 你当然很痛苦 Sure you're bitter that Loretta got the promotion,
但要破坏整个婚礼 but to sabotage a whole wedding? Mnh- mnh.
你的脑袋还不够聪明 That'd take a far greater mind than yours.
好吧 玩笑开到你自己身上了 因为这不是真正的婚礼 Well, joke's on you because this isn't a real wedding.
我安排了个假牧师 这两个人就不算结婚 I planted a fake officiant, and these two never got married.
等等 我们不算真的结婚了吗 Wait, weren't not really married?
我能感觉到你在偷笑 I can feel you smiling.
我能感觉到你需要牧师 And I can feel you needing an officiant.
-她是在说她自己 -我在说我自己 She just talking about her. - I'm talkihg about me!
大家请起立 AlI rise.
婚礼可以继续进行了 The wedding is now in session.
欢迎大家来参加罗兹和罗瑞塔的第二轮婚礼 Welcome, everyone, to Roz and Loretta take two.
我知道这里不是你们的首选婚礼现场 I know this wasn't your first choice of venue.
次选也排不上 Or second.
我们差点就转变信仰改去长岛的犹太教堂了 We almost converted to get a synagogue on Long Island.
但我觉得这个地方很特别 But I think this place is very special.
我爸总说每天法庭的门里 My dad always said a million stories came in
会发生一百万个人生故事 through these court room doors.
而我个人认为最好的是爱情故事 And I personally think the best kind is a love story.
罗兹和罗瑞塔 Roz and Loretta,
我们是如此的幸运 能够见证 we are so incredibly lucky to be witnessing
今晚你们爱情故事的正式开始 the official beginning of your love story here tonight.
赶紧的吧 斯通 你都要上班了 Move it along, Stone. The deejay's on clock.
以纽约州赋予我的权力 By the power vested me by the State of New York,
我宣布你们永远在一起 I sentence you to eternity together.
罚款50美元 已服刑 抱歉 条件反射 $50 fine and time served. Oh, sorry, reflex.
我不知道我为什么哭 我都不认识这些人 I don't know why I'm crying. I don't even know these people.
你知道吗 You know something?
我们继续这么跳舞 罗瑞塔会嫉妒的 We keep dancing like this, Loretta is gonna get jealous.
我只是在分散你的注意力 好让她偷你的钱包 I'm just distracting you so she can steal your wallet
给我们买个更好的礼物 and get us a better gift.
最好的礼物不是友谊吗 Oh, isn't the best gift friendship?
好吧我会给你送点酒 Fine. Ill get you some booze.
-可以借用你的舞伴吗 -真的吗 我 ·May I cut in? - Uh, really? I- -
憋说话 我有感觉 你狗嘴里吐不出象牙 Don't talk. I have a feeling you're ruin it.
-通常是吧 -每次都是 Usually. Always.
艾比 嘿 这是我妈妈苏珊 Abby. Hey, this is my mom, Susan
很高兴见到你 Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
我本该说我 听说过很多关于你的事 I'd say I've heard so much about you,
但杰克和我20分钟前还在装路人 but Jake and I were keep it at cazsh until like 20 minutes ago.
真有趣 因为他把你的一切都告诉我了 That's funny because he told me all about you.
谢谢 妈妈 我去吧台给你拿点喝的 Thanks, Mom. I'll get you something from the bar.
你喝的还是苏格兰威士忌 和大嘴巴吗 Your drink still Scotch and blabbermouth?
那么 这是你第一次来纽约吗 So, is this your first time in New York?
不 我八十年代住在这里 No, I lived here in the'80s.
在我有杰克之前 Before I had Jake,
我还和一个在这个法院工作的律师约会过 I actually dated a lawyer who worked in this courthouse.
世界真小 What a small world.
不知道你约会的那个人知不知道 I wonder if the guy you dated knew...
在杰克出生前 你和这个律师约会多久了 How long before Jake was born did you date this lawyer?
快一年 -A little under a year. -
蛋糕棒棒糖吃光了 I'm out of cake pops,
我觉得丹可能是你男朋友的爸爸 and I think that Dan might be your boyfriend's dad.
你要知道 我真的不擅长保守秘密 Just so you know, I am real bad at keeping secrets.